26473 replies to this topic

[TheoConfidor]

@cetera:
Dude, I can totally relate to where you're coming from. My situation parallels your in many regards. I've never dated a girl that I've felt lucky to be with. Each of my girlfriends has had certain major issues. None of them has been incredibly stunning. I once went out for two dates with a gorgeous 9 and had a shot but screwed up due to inexperience.

Anyway, I have two thoughts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be with an incredibly physically attractive woman. That desire is hard-wired in your genes as a man. However, due to the rise in obesity (now over 40% of women are overweight) and the generally bitchiness of girls in America, there is a decreased pool of attractive women available. Therefore, the average man now has to bring about twice as much game to attract a reasonably attractive woman as he would have 40-50 years ago.

In the end you basically have three options:
Balls of Steel - Work out religiously, craft your life to be awesome, approach every gorgeous woman you can...etc.
Requirements: Dedication, lots of work, tons of raw testosterone.
Reward: Dating much hotter women

Settle - Accept your current level of attractiveness along with the kind of girls you can date, and try to enjoy it.

Opt Out - Determine that dating in the modern world isn't worth it and spend your time, money and energy doing things you love.


Regarding your girlfriend's question, the short answer is that you should never give her a direct answer. You're in a good place if she perceives you as more attractive than her. She's lucky to have you and she just wants some emotional validation. Best response: "You'll need to take off your clothes so that I can determine how attractive you are" (w/ a smirk and a wink). Other acceptable responses include humorous teasing deflection, or mentioning something about her that you genuinely value and appreciate.

i do like models and generically pretty women.

i've had women tell me that i will never land such a women.

The best response is to go and actually be dating a gorgeous woman. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen?

[cetera]

People like what they like-kudos for being honest w/yourself. Again though, everything is subjective & once you're really in love, the grass won't be greener on the other side.

Have you tried online dating? That is a pretty good way to expand your dating pool.

i did try it once upon a time. the experience was pretty interesting. i ended up dating a girl that i wouldn't have found IRL - but probably because she sucked at life. she liked to sit home and drink and watch netflix. but she talked a good game on OKC and had very deceiving pics.
of all the guys that i know that have been online dating, and thats almost everyone with an SO these days, i've never seen a guy land a girl that seemed above him lookswise. i've seen a lot of happy couples form, but nothing that makes me think i have better physical options than IRL.
in fact i've seen women get extremely picky online. screening guys so stringently. expecting finely written essays that say all the right things. when in real life, all you would have to do is be charming to get the same result.

i do like models and generically pretty women.

i've had women tell me that i will never land such a woman.

The best response is to go and actually be dating a gorgeous woman. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen?

i am not, lol!
i just want to live my life.
i make music and art and that's how i like to spend my free time.
going out all the time is not my idea of fun. and hanging at the places where generically hot girls go is plain torture for me unless i'm coked up.

[joe.distort]

i guess its all what you think. ive hooked up with/dated/ married a few girls that i was super attracted to, even if ive heard from my friends and other randoms that these girls may be 'fat', 'pale', 'plain', 'boring' whatever. the first time i ever even met my wife, i was crazy jealous that a hot dork was dating a dude that i actively disliked (who i oddly now have no problem with. doesnt that normally go the other way?). i mean i know she doesnt look like Eva Angelina, but im equally attracted to both.

maybe my problem is that i dont naturally follow the '1-10' scale, but either 'yay or nay'. i pretty much find the entire spectrum of women above the 'nay' line equally attractive because i like them all. i got different problems i think...

[cetera]

i mean i hate the 1-10 scale. i really do. i hate that it's a tool that i need to use when i want to talk about certain things. i hate that i even need to think along those lines.

i think what you have is simply a number that you won't go below. you don't actively have to contemplate numbers or scales as long as you have your standard.

but, imo, having any standard does imply that there are at least unconscious algorithms in your head that could be numerically quantified if need be.

the scale is mainly used by douchebags who are competing to get hotter girls.
i hope i never come to a point in my life like that,
but the scale has proven as a sort of truth serum as i ask myself about my choices in mates.

it's all just for science at this point. and it's thrilling to explore forbidden thoughts. you're not supposed to contemplate things like this when you're in a relationship, especially a happy one. but i feel self-honesty is healthy no matter how nasty it gets.

[joe.distort]

i mean i hate the 1-10 scale. i really do. i hate that it's a tool that i need to use when i want to talk about certain things. i hate that i even need to think along those lines.

i think what you have is simply a number that you won't go below. you don't actively have to contemplate numbers or scales as long as you have your standard.

true then we agree there. i honestly think my 'nay' line would be at like <4. i probably sound like a hippy douche, but if a woman carries herself with a degree of sexiness regardless of looks, i can find something attractive about her because women are beautifuuul maaaaaan

[Juggs69]

People like what they like-kudos for being honest w/yourself. Again though, everything is subjective & once you're really in love, the grass won't be greener on the other side.

Have you tried online dating? That is a pretty good way to expand your dating pool.

i did try it once upon a time. the experience was pretty interesting. i ended up dating a girl that i wouldn't have found IRL - but probably because she sucked at life. she liked to sit home and drink and watch netflix. but she talked a good game on OKC and had very deceiving pics.
of all the guys that i know that have been online dating, and thats almost everyone with an SO these days, i've never seen a guy land a girl that seemed above him lookswise. i've seen a lot of happy couples form, but nothing that makes me think i have better physical options than IRL.
in fact i've seen women get extremely picky online. screening guys so stringently. expecting finely written essays that say all the right things. when in real life, all you would have to do is be charming to get the same result.

i do like models and generically pretty women.

i've had women tell me that i will never land such a woman.

The best response is to go and actually be dating a gorgeous woman. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen?

i am not, lol!
i just want to live my life.
i make music and art and that's how i like to spend my free time.
going out all the time is not my idea of fun. and hanging at the places where generically hot girls go is plain torture for me unless i'm coked up.

Not that I'd ever recommend it, but I've noticed a lot of "hot" girls love coke...sad, but true.

[weener]

I don't find the point scale useful. How do you rate a guy who is overweight, but has a friendly face and a great sense of humor? How about a guy with kind of a weird face, but is super fun and looks great with his shirt off? How about a guy who looks conventionally handsome but is wearing clothes that mark him as a bro asshole? I need to know more about a person before I can decide if they're attractive.

But when I'm actually dating somebody, my affection for them causes me to see them as way more attractive than other people probably see them. When I met my boyfriend, I thought he was sort of cute in a dorky way, but ever since a month or two of dating him, I think he's so attractive that I imagine other women must be jealous of me. I couldn't assign a number to him if I tried.

I think it's important to find a person that makes you feel lucky to be dating them for many reasons; someone you admire and respect. Looks can change, for better and for worse, so if you're planning on making a long-term thing of it, you need to be prepared for that.

[raubhimself]

I don't find the point scale useful. How do you rate a guy who is overweight, but has a friendly face and a great sense of humor? How about a guy with kind of a weird face, but is super fun and looks great with his shirt off? How about a guy who looks conventionally handsome but is wearing clothes that mark him as a bro asshole? I need to know more about a person before I can decide if they're attractive.

Like many things relationshipy, "it's complicated".

[Shoe]

I don't find the point scale useful. How do you rate a guy who is overweight, but has a friendly face and a great sense of humor? How about a guy with kind of a weird face, but is super fun and looks great with his shirt off? How about a guy who looks conventionally handsome but is wearing clothes that mark him as a bro asshole? I need to know more about a person before I can decide if they're attractive.

But when I'm actually dating somebody, my affection for them causes me to see them as way more attractive than other people probably see them. When I met my boyfriend, I thought he was sort of cute in a dorky way, but ever since a month or two of dating him, I think he's so attractive that I imagine other women must be jealous of me. I couldn't assign a number to him if I tried.

I think it's important to find a person that makes you feel lucky to be dating them for many reasons; someone you admire and respect. Looks can change, for better and for worse, so if you're planning on making a long-term thing of it, you need to be prepared for that.

Exactly. My longest lasting relationship was with a girl who was by no means conventionally hot, but during the peaks of it I felt like she was absolutely stunning.

Also, re: guys landing girls "out of their range".. happens all the time. We used to give one of my college buddies a ton of crap because he was overweight and showered biweekly at best, but because he's insanely confident and hilarious, he got a girl that most of us would probably rate towards the top of the scale. And they're happily married and have a kid now. So, it does happen.. I think this is all just personal taste. Girls may have an advantage "we can provide sex and you are looking for it" department, but I've seen the role reversed plenty of times.

And I think the looks thing can definitely be a trap.. I've passed on a lot of opportunities with interesting, funny, intelligent women that normally I'd love to date because I'd get hung up on something about their appearance (see: being a shallow asshat). Instead of going for it and not worrying about appearance (which usually results in the situation weener described--them becoming more beautiful the more you fall in love), I'd nitpick and find all sorts of reasons to not pursue it based on stupid bullshit. The times I ignore it and just be happy and appreciate the other person, though.. I find I'm just as happy as if I'd landed a 10. It's not till the comparisons--what other people have, what I think I should have--come out that bullshit ensues.

[mooniniteG]

Protip: If you think you're hot enough to attract a "10", you aren't.

[DeathMask]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK Man...

[the Wozz]

Protip: If you think you're hot enough to attract a "10", you aren't.

Psh. 10's ain't good enough for the wozzle nozzle. bring me your 11s!

[Eric Dude]

I want somebody to embrace Theo's approach and document it.

[pIENESS]

I think that the only way you're going to nail a 10 (or 11) girl is if you have millions of dollars, a non maniac mansion, a bichon frise with a bow on it's head, a yacht, and multiple fast cars! i'm so sorry :/

[cetera]

hey baby wanna come back to my mansion?
boy do i!
LATER
hey whats going on in here?
what baby?
this mansion is all crazy!
it's a maniac mansion, babe!
why can't it be a regular one?
i can't afford one. just not that bigtime yet.
i feel lied to.