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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#16 Xplo

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Posted 07 April 2008 - 11:50 PM

I keep it in the back of my mind that I wish someone would just come to my door and say "Man, what is wrong with you? Why are you such a dick to people and push everyone who tries to get close to you away?" so I would snap out of it.


If that guy doesn't show up, you can do it yourself. Could be educational.
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#17 XMark

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:04 AM

Was there anything that triggered all that in the first place, or did it just blindside you one morning?


That whole existential crisis I've been going through started fairly soon after MagFest. Kind of started during MagFest actually. What I was thinking at the time was how weird it was that this thing that I had been waiting to happen for such a long time was actually happening right now. Which led to the thought that some time later MagFest would just be a memory.

A really basic thought, and kind of a statement of obvious facts, but it just struck me as a really strange thing that we all just accept the fact that things go from waiting for something, to experiencing something, then remembering something.

It wasn't until a little while after MagFest that I continued the thought further from remembering something, to slowly losing memory of something over time, then to death. And it kind of snowballed from there.

The funny thing is, everything else that I had been depressed about before just kind of flew out the window. Even when Valentine's day rolled around, which also happened to be exactly two years since the last time I had anything even vaguely resembling a date, the fact just seemed like a meaningless bit of trivia to me in comparision to the big picture. I'm permanently zoomed out to the big picture now, trying as hard as I can to zoom back in to what's right in front of me.

Anyway, enough cosmic angst for now...

Hi, my name is Senj, and I've been finding it hard to give a fuck about too much lately. I've got a pretty awesome life to be honest. But highschool has really fucked with me the past year or two. I'm almost done with it, and I'm hoping that will help to alleviate some of this.


Highschool is supposed to fuck with you. That's one thing I realized too late after highschool. The good news is anything bad that happens to you in high school really won't matter at all later on (well, as long as you don't get shot or something, hehe). Highschool is like a trial run at life. No matter how badly things get fucked up, once you graduate it's like wiping the slate clean and starting again. And actually, fucking things up just gets you a better idea how to succeed later on. In hindsight I shouldn't have played things as safely and conservatively as I did back in high school. I really wish I had fucked up more back in highschool when it didn't matter.
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#18 Nario

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:44 AM

Was there anything that triggered all that in the first place, or did it just blindside you one morning?


That whole existential crisis I've been going through started fairly soon after MagFest. Kind of started during MagFest actually. What I was thinking at the time was how weird it was that this thing that I had been waiting to happen for such a long time was actually happening right now. Which led to the thought that some time later MagFest would just be a memory.

A really basic thought, and kind of a statement of obvious facts, but it just struck me as a really strange thing that we all just accept the fact that things go from waiting for something, to experiencing something, then remembering something.

It wasn't until a little while after MagFest that I continued the thought further from remembering something, to slowly losing memory of something over time, then to death. And it kind of snowballed from there.

Interestingly enough, I sort of went through what you went through at MAGFest as well, except I didn't ponder on it too long and therefore haven't gotten sad over it. What I couldn't believe was that I was finally meeting SO MANY PEOPLE that I knew online. Just to list a few: virt, you, Liontamer, spamtron. Gosh, I actually feel tempted to list every single person I know online who I met at MAGFest, but out of fear I forget to list someone and that special someone goes "Hey, you didn't list me. :(" I just won't do it at all. :P

Anyways, I got to meet a bunch of people at MAGFest and, let's face it, we're all going to forget certain details. In fact, I'm starting to forget what it felt like to be up on stage with the Smash Bros., but I at least remember having a blast and being bear-hugged by virt so that's a good thing at least. Despite having forgotten some awesome details of MAGFest VI, I have made some friends from going to MAGFest. Of course, I would consider most of you all a friend of mine, but I would most definitely consider anavrin and Riders great friends. They're just so awesome, and honestly, I wouldn't trade my friendship with them to remember even the coolest moments of MAGFest VI moment-for-moment (playing Para Para, being on stage, talking with Shizzies, etc.). Yeah, they're that cool. :)
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#19 I Am Spamtron

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:54 AM

When I was at Magfest, I was trying to think of ways to see all the awesome people more than once a year, like somehow raising enough money to have infinite plane flights.

I was going through some long-term depression mode lately, and I think it stemmed from PMD. I think it also has to do with eating less protein, I might have gone into a weird "ketosis" type of thing.

Maybe Shawn was right when he said to me "you're going to have really, really, really bad PMD."

I'm not afraid to say that Magfest was probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. It was something I had been waiting for since 2003. PMD caused me to quit classes, quit a job, and basically fall apart. There have been times where I've felt like I no longer knew who I was. I sort-of lost all concept of my identity and things like that. There were times when I thought that I should leave the internet completely so that I wouldn't get the withdrawal, but that only made me more depressed. I wanted to stop being Spamtron and try to leave everything behind... but that would be like destroying everything that I am.
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#20 okcomputed

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:06 AM

i've dealt with a lot of depression over the years, and i think exercise and finding stuff to focus yourself on, making goals for yourself, are key to handling it. some people are helped by antidepressants; i don't think i was and i haven't been on any for almost a year and a half. everyone treats themselves chemically in some form or another (booze, weed, sunlight, endorphins, etc.) the body and mind are interconnected. so feel better physically, and that can transfer over mentally.

that said, dealing with one's mortality is probably one of the most difficult parts of life, which is why religions are still around. it's like, you know all the tough times you go through as a mortal being, well, just believe in this stuff, and you go to heaven when you die! religion lets people tap into their inner constanza: remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. so waking up to a feeling of the universe being indifferent to you can be painful. i don't have any easy answers. and sure, the bigger the picture, the more insignificant you feel. but i look at it like this: life is only experienced subjectively, and life is what you make of it. tend your own garden, enjoy and take comfort from the other people in your life. have experiences. learn things. get out of the house before you feel like getting out of the house. a lot of the time, we don't feel like doing something until we start doing it. and while you might feel insignificant on a scale of the universe or the globe, your life and the things you value are of the utmost importance to you. no one can take away experience or feeling from you. so, effectively, the universe IS your own thoughts, and your reality IS what you make of it.
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#21 I Am Spamtron

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:08 AM

I totally agree. exercise has gotten me through some rough times, and I really need to get back into it. Even just walking outside more often can really help.
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#22 mig50

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:12 AM

Also, I don't relish the idea of suddenly becoming this new person when I pop a few zoloft etc .



hey dumb-dumb - seeing a therapist in order to figure your shit out does not equal zoloft.

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.
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#23 JKT

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:31 AM

Also, I don't relish the idea of suddenly becoming this new person when I pop a few zoloft etc .



hey dumb-dumb - seeing a therapist in order to figure your shit out does not equal zoloft.

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

Yeah I never said I was opposed to therapy.

You wanna lay off the condescending attitude, or is it just par for the course as an admin? Seriously, we're trying to keep this thread mutually respectful.
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#24 Klatrymadon

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 03:24 AM

I have to ask: what do you expect out of people? What do you think their motives should be for acting nice and/or what qualifies as a "genuinely" nice motive?


Aye. I think you're being a bit too suspicious of people, JKT. I'm nice and ridiculously accomodating to everybody (aye, I know I often sound like a berk on here ;)), but it's not because it gives me self-assurance or hides a shittier side of my personality - most right-thinking people just prefer going through life being something approaching pleasant, y'know? You don't have to be "something you're not" to make new friends; generally speaking, you're not going to form meaningful friendships with people who don't like and respect the 'normal' you anyway. Everybody meets people they have absolutely nothing to say to, occasionally, so don't let that perturb you either...

PS - the "I brought you a girl" guy is probably a cunt. ;)

Edit: this has nothing to do with the thread, but I have a wee question for XMark based on what he said about his morbid thoughts. Do you ever have brief moments where you feel as though you're about to be imminently attacked? Just for a split second, like.

This happens very occasionally, when I've been in a room on my own for a long time, studying or what have you. I'll have a dark, fleeting image of myself being clawhammered by a surprise assailant, or something like that. I think I actually once braced myself for the blow. Similarly, if I'm near the edge of the sidewalk and a large lorry clatters past, I often imagine it toppling onto me. I'm not in the least bit paranoid, by the way; it doesn't stem from anything like that.

Please tell me I'm not an absolute toaster.
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#25 I Am Spamtron

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 03:59 AM

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

no disrespect to JKT, but I just wanted to say that this is very true.
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#26 MrBoglin

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 04:00 AM

I frequently desire a stock of nuclear weapons and give Al-Qaeda tips on where to attack next.
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#27 Klatrymadon

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 04:01 AM

Thanks for bringing the feds into the discussion, Boglin. ;)
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#28 Gurthang

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 05:27 AM

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT.


This can be expensive if you don't have insurance that covers it. Not an option for everybody.
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#29 I Am Spamtron

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 06:44 AM

kick depression in the nads. OH YEAH
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#30 Eric Dude

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 07:12 AM

Also, I don't relish the idea of suddenly becoming this new person when I pop a few zoloft etc .



hey dumb-dumb - seeing a therapist in order to figure your shit out does not equal zoloft.

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.


As much as he's being a condescending dick (it's all he can be, don't blame him!), there's some truth to that. This kind of problem can't really be treated by an online forum.
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