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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#3961 Sam

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 10:52 PM

 

When I was 4 or 5, or somewhere around there, my parents split up on decidedly less-than-friendly terms.  I was predictably miserable, resentful of them remarrying, resentful of the constant shuffle between houses, sick of the badmouthing; you know, all of that great divorce stuff.  Looking back, I see that it led to my suffering serious depression: spontaneously crying for no reason, wanting to die, etc.  Rough stuff for an 8-year-old to deal with, and largely suffered in silence.  Thankfully, I have made a more-or-less complete recovered, but, to this day, it is still the worst thing to happen to me.  I say this not to complain, but by way of preface.

I'm coming up on 18 years working for a division of the Psychology Department at ASU called the REACH Institute. We've done several studies with families who have had tragedy like the death of a parent or parental divorce. These studies lead to the development and now dissemination of various programs for families in crisis to go through after these experiences. The main goal has always been to prevent children from obtaining the psychological scarring you've outlined here. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that, but I wanted to let you know that there are people out there trying to keep this from happening to future generations.

 

It's one of the things I have always liked about my job. I am part of a team that actively works to help people, especially children dealing with more than a child should have to deal with. Better than working for a bank or something where they steal your money for a living. 

 

It actually sounds good to hear you call it "psychological scarring."  Validating.  I feel like the message in the '90s (media, PSAs, etc.) was largely, "Hey, it'll be okay.  You'll get used to it.  Maybe it's better this way."  In the last couple years, I've come across accounts/testimonials from other (now adult) children of divorce who gave the opposite message, put into words a lot of the frustrations that I wasn't allowed to feel or express back in the day.  Just the frank openness about it was some kind of relief.

 

Honestly, my biggest concern in my mom's situation is, What do I tell the kids?  It won't be quite as jarring as I had it, since it's not their parents, and Claire and I will always be together, but I'm not eager to introduce even the concept of divorce to my kids.  The two oldest have spent time at my mom's house and know and like my step-dad.  That I let them get close to him and treat him like a grandparent feels like a pretty big step for me, and adds to the bitter feelings at how this turned out.  Mostly, I'm worried about Percy, who is 6.  My daughter is 3.5 and is probably too young to know or care about what's going on, and the baby obviously won't have to deal with it.  But Percy is overly sensitive as it is, and he's old enough to ask questions and worry about things.  Really, I don't think that I'd be half as upset about the whole situation if we didn't have the kids.

 

Anyway, John, keep up the good work.  Many thanks to you and yours for trying to do what you do.

 

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight


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#3962 weener

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 12:24 AM

I know that you don't approve of divorce under any circumstance, so this probably won't be of any comfort to you, but when your kids get out into the world and spend time with friends whose parents are divorced, they will probably learn that the situation isn't always as traumatic as your parents' divorce. It's terrible that you had to go through that, but it's not the only outcome.

Also of no comfort to you, but my parents divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me and my mom; if she hadn't left him and gotten me to safety, there's a very real possibility that at least one of us would have ended up dead. Sure it would have been better if my dad had chosen to get help for his addiction and mental illness, but my mom couldn't get him to do that. Leaving him was the only real-world thing to do to assure our safety.

Even if it is strictly against your personal beliefs, I don't think that portraying divorce as the absolute worst possible outcome of a family, even a family like mine, will do your kids any favors when they get out into the world and spend time with single parent homes and blended families that are doing just fine.


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#3963 nEwT

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 09:27 AM

So I am not one to post about my personal problems (online or otherwise), but my life is kinda of a mess right now. Feeling without a path to follow or not knowing what steps to take first to begin fixing things sucks. It FEELS like I know what I have to do, but I can't find the motivation to actually do anything. I know I will figure things out eventually tho, I just don't know when. Sorry guys, I just had to vent a little. Much love to everyone here.
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#3964 KarlGerm

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Posted 11 August 2017 - 07:04 AM

hey homies. I find sad music helps me when I'm depressed (or I dunno makes me feel better but probably perpetuates the problem) so what's the last VGM song that made you cry. I think my answer is this:

 

 

I was driving 2 and a half hours for work and just thinking way too much about life and how much I hate my job and career and general place in life at the moment, and I put on the extended version of this song and it literally moved me to tears. It's weird because I barely even remember Skyward Sword. I remember enjoying it but I have no idea what was going on in the game when this theme plays. And I don't even think it's Koji but damn if it's not moving.


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#3965 Serena

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 09:21 PM

It's hard to identify with this existence anymore. I feel pretty powerless to make a difference about anything. I think I've just been living with mental illness for too long. It takes a lot of effort for me to care about anything. I've been doing very well lately because of the hope of getting back together with my ex. I hadn't contacted him for 2 months until last night and I didn't even ask but he said that he can't go back to the relationship. I'm turning 30 in about a week and I have nobody to celebrate it with. I can't stop thinking about how I want to end my life. I'm really losing it. I don't know why I'm posting this. This community is one of the few things in my life that have actually mattered to me...one of the few things that make sense in this irrational mess called life. I really need strength because depression is winning.


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#3966 Maiko

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:53 PM

I wrote a big long spiel but deleted it

 

but basically, you are way stronger and more worthwhile of a person than what your mental illness is trying to tell you

it's why it's an illness, part of your body is malfunctioning and is trying to kill you.

I can understand feeling alone and empty, especially after splitting up with someone you really cared about, I used to have a lot of issue with putting my self worth into other people (and also allowing myself to stay with unavailable people who ranged from incompatible to downright shitty) but in the end no one anyone says or does for you will give you that strength as much as you will give yourself.

Even now when I'm in a super loving and stable relationship I'm constantly panicking and self-sabotaging, but it's getting slowly better and better.

 

I don't know how your treatment is going, if you're still taking medication or going to therapy, but please continue to fight it! 

Punch that stupid depression in the face and keep trying to love yourself, because there is so much there to love.

 

Also do something super fun for yourself for your birthday, draw up a nice bath, eat and drink something tasty, dress up nice and go out for a stroll, pet a doggy

Birthdays are just a day, so don't sweat it too bad, use the day to celebrate how far you've come.

 

I'm rooting for you and everyone else here on the shizz, y'all are the real mvps and I say it a lot but I love you all


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#3967 Classic-wolf

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:53 PM

So I am not one to post about my personal problems (online or otherwise), but my life is kinda of a mess right now. Feeling without a path to follow or not knowing what steps to take first to begin fixing things sucks. It FEELS like I know what I have to do, but I can't find the motivation to actually do anything. I know I will figure things out eventually tho, I just don't know when. Sorry guys, I just had to vent a little. Much love to everyone here.

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#3968 urvile

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 12:13 PM

Hey Serena, looks like you're in Portland. I'm in the process of moving either there or Salem soon. Probably won't be in time for your 30th but if ever want to kick with a gimpy old-timer shizzie, feel free to look me up.

Don't know what your situation is, but at some point you have to stop beating yourself up over someone else and accept the person you are. There are plenty of things to live for, fight through the pain and sadness and you'll break through to the other side eventually. I know that mental health can be extremely complicated, my g/f has PTSD. But you mentioned your ex, and I certainly understand that feeling.

Take care, hope you find some peeps to end your 20's with!
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#3969 Demonstray

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 01:49 PM

I wrote a big long spiel but deleted it

but basically, you are way stronger and more worthwhile of a person than what your mental illness is trying to tell you
it's why it's an illness, part of your body is malfunctioning and is trying to kill you.
I can understand feeling alone and empty, especially after splitting up with someone you really cared about, I used to have a lot of issue with putting my self worth into other people (and also allowing myself to stay with unavailable people who ranged from incompatible to downright shitty) but in the end no one anyone says or does for you will give you that strength as much as you will give yourself.
Even now when I'm in a super loving and stable relationship I'm constantly panicking and self-sabotaging, but it's getting slowly better and better.

I don't know how your treatment is going, if you're still taking medication or going to therapy, but please continue to fight it!
Punch that stupid depression in the face and keep trying to love yourself, because there is so much there to love.

Also do something super fun for yourself for your birthday, draw up a nice bath, eat and drink something tasty, dress up nice and go out for a stroll, pet a doggy
Birthdays are just a day, so don't sweat it too bad, use the day to celebrate how far you've come.

I'm rooting for you and everyone else here on the shizz, y'all are the real mvps and I say it a lot but I love you all

Yeh all this for real
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#3970 joe.distort

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 01:52 PM

Don't hurt yourself, ever.

Life sucks for some of us. But if you give up, you never have a chance at another happy day.

When you get so far down in the darkness it can seem impenetrable, but you can take a simple step and just do even a small thing that makes you happy.

I feel like a lot of the 'regulars' in this thread can all relate to how you are feeling. You just have to get through until tomorrow.
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#3971 Serena

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 04:21 PM

I was at work so I didn't have time to respond, but I've had your posts in my thoughts. Thank you for taking time to extend some words of encouragement.

 

My brain is trying to make plans for how I'm going to kill myself, but at this point I can at least recognize that the voice is not me. Still, it's a feedback loop that is becoming convincing. I just want to peacefully fall asleep and not wake up. It's starting to feel like the only rational option for me and I'm scared.

 

My treatment has had some success. I have a very good therapist--she is the head of the clinic I go to. I've contacted her about my situation. I'm also going to talk to my doctor tomorrow about adjusting my meds. I've been taking 150mg sertraline for a while, which has definitely helped, and I'm still taking it. My therapist referred me to another clinic that specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. I feel everything so intensely, I have a hard time regulating my emotions. I feel like BPD describes me well, though I've never gotten that diagnosis.

 

I'll try to give updates. Thanks for caring.


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#3972 juef

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 04:43 PM

My treatment has had some success. I have a very good therapist--she is the head of the clinic I go to. I've contacted her about my situation.

I'll try to give updates. Thanks for caring.

 

I am very glad to read these lines!

 

Please believe me when I say that many of us here (including of course myself) are willing to do anything that can help you and/or make you feel better. It would genuinely be a pleasure to, as well.

 

And what Maiko said!

 

<3


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#3973 Serena

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 05:57 PM

I was at work so I didn't have time to respond, but I've had your posts in my thoughts. Thank you for taking time to extend some words of encouragement.

 

My brain is trying to make plans for how I'm going to kill myself, but at this point I can at least recognize that the voice is not me. Still, it's a feedback loop that is becoming convincing. I just want to peacefully fall asleep and not wake up. It's starting to feel like the only rational option for me and I'm scared.

 

My treatment has had some success. I have a very good therapist--she is the head of the clinic I go to. I've contacted her about my situation. I'm also going to talk to my doctor tomorrow about adjusting my meds. I've been taking 150mg sertraline for a while, which has definitely helped, and I'm still taking it. My therapist referred me to another clinic that specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. I feel everything so intensely, I have a hard time regulating my emotions. I feel like BPD describes me well, though I've never gotten that diagnosis.

 

I'll try to give updates. Thanks for caring.

hahahaha

 

pathetic

 

brace yourself


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#3974 Magicalyardgnome

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 06:17 PM

 

I was at work so I didn't have time to respond, but I've had your posts in my thoughts. Thank you for taking time to extend some words of encouragement.

 

My brain is trying to make plans for how I'm going to kill myself, but at this point I can at least recognize that the voice is not me. Still, it's a feedback loop that is becoming convincing. I just want to peacefully fall asleep and not wake up. It's starting to feel like the only rational option for me and I'm scared.

 

My treatment has had some success. I have a very good therapist--she is the head of the clinic I go to. I've contacted her about my situation. I'm also going to talk to my doctor tomorrow about adjusting my meds. I've been taking 150mg sertraline for a while, which has definitely helped, and I'm still taking it. My therapist referred me to another clinic that specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. I feel everything so intensely, I have a hard time regulating my emotions. I feel like BPD describes me well, though I've never gotten that diagnosis.

 

I'll try to give updates. Thanks for caring.

hahahaha

 

pathetic

 

brace yourself

 

 

Jesus Christ PLEASE don't kill yourself. :(


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#3975 mooniniteG

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 06:32 PM

You've already got plans to talk to a doctor tomorrow. Do that. In the mean time, is there anything you can do to take your mind of your feelings that's not self-destructive? Challenge yourself to beat FF6 in one sitting? Set a new Ninja Gaiden speedrush world record? Start Everquest at level 1? Binge watch something on Netflix? I dunno. It's less than 24 hours from now, you can totally do it.

 

Are you still in California? If it gives you something to look forward to, consider planning on coming out to MagWest even if for a day. Let us know if you need any financial or other support to make this happen.


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