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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#4246 joe.distort

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 01:38 PM

jeeez, i don't know if i could handle reading this entire thread lol

 

stay strong, treat yourself to a baby seal here and there, and make sure to stay hydrated. dealing with a partner with mental issues while you yourself also are going through problems is exhausting and really wears you both down so alyways try to keep the overall situational status in mind when thinking about/ dealing with problem flare-ups


I've slowly been reading through this thread since I joined the forum; it's sad that so many people have to struggle with this but it's awesome that there seems to be a supportive community here and a place to share stories and experiences.

I've struggled with depression for almost 2 decades now, and anxiety showed up in the last few years too. It cost me more than one job and multiple other opportunities over the years. I haven't been on any medication for it for about 10 years now, with the exception of some anxiety meds when that got really bad a few years ago. I had a really bad experience with the last SSRI I was on, and at that point I resolved to tackle it by any other means necessary, unless it got to the point where it was truly unbearable again. I have a few strategies that seem to be effective for me but it's certainly one of those things where the best solution is the one that works for you, and external help isn't always useful.

My partner is also struggling with depression, but his journey has been quite different to mine, and it has been tough to help him despite being able to honestly say "I know what you're going through".

I know I'm a newbie, but I'm happy to offer suggestions or ideas, along with encouragement!


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#4247 angry_polar_bear

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 01:49 PM


stay strong, treat yourself to a baby seal here and there, and make sure to stay hydrated. dealing with a partner with mental issues while you yourself also are going through problems is exhausting and really wears you both down so alyways try to keep the overall situational status in mind when thinking about/ dealing with problem flare-ups


Good advice. It can feel pretty awful at the times when we're both feeling down. But one thing I've learned over the years is how to quickly recognize the signs that an episode is starting, and that gives me a little more power over it. I'm able to call it out pretty quickly and try to kick all the coping mechanisms up a notch. The trick now is being able to let the other person know that it's happening as soon as possible instead of suffering in silence together.
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#4248 Ranger

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 11:42 AM

It's amazing how easy it is to go from feeling really good about life, to feeling...weird?  Certainly not good, in a short amount of time. 

 

tl;dr Maybe this belongs in the GIRLS! thread.  I have this female friend, we're both attracted to eachother and both consider eachother pretty much fucking awesome.  But she's not in a place to be more than friends, and with me being perpetually single, not by choice, that makes life feel pretty damn lonely.

 

Spoiler

 

It's like, here's a taste of this thing that you could have.  Maybe.  But probably not.  But it's something you actually really want.  But don't get your hopes up.  But what if it could?  How would it happen?  Would it turn out alright?  Don't think too hard about it, kid.  


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#4249 Daemon9623

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 01:05 PM

That sucks, Ranger. Being in that position of "this COULD be good but that's just a could" is no bueno. Good on you for standing by your integrity in the face of temptation and not going down the cheating path. I remember looking back at one point in my life and pieced some things together to realize I was probably "the other guy" and it was not a great feeling, even if I didn't like her now-ex. But I totally feel you on the lonely front. I'm not in a position to be in a relationship, I don't think, and I'm not sure that I will be again, but the loneliness is often the worst/most defeating part of it.

 

Story/Indulgence time:

Spoiler

Overall I'm doing a lot better than I was, and I don't ever want to sound ungrateful for the support I get and the good things that I get to experience.


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#4250 Shoe

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 07:33 AM

Shiiiit that sucks Ranger. I was in a very similar situation for a couple years, except it was even messier - said boyfriend was my roommate at the time. So naturally had an even higher impetus for not pursing anything, which made it easy to be friends, since she's an awesome person, but extra hard when everyone else was like "why the heck aren't you two together" and when casual hangouts turned way too date-like. 

 

My advice is.. I dunno. We're still good friends and I've long been over her - she ended up meeting a guy while traveling and broke up with my old roommate - I ended up meeting an amazing girl I've been with 3 years now. But I never really got closure on how she actually felt about me because we always sorta toed the line without ever talking about it. Looking back, I think if I had been more forward, made my intentions more clear instead of riding the friend line, I wonder what would've happened. I think she was looking for a way out, but I wasn't ready/willing to be "that guy". Partly due to fallout consequences, partly due to not being sure if she actually liked me that way (ie "don't want to ruin the friendship"), partly due to fear - if she was this ready to be out of the relationship, but without the fortitude to end it before finding another guy, would she do the same to me? But clearly it worked out for the travel guy, haha. But for me, I ultimately never figured out if I was just her emotional fluffer/self esteem boost or an actual interest. 

 

So actually, my advice is - go for it. Sitting in limbo, unsure of where you stand blows. She's probably either waiting for you to make a move, or she's keeping you on the hook for excitement/self esteem/she's confused/whatever. So I'd probably bring it up when it seems like a good time. Maybe not launch into removing pants, but at least a "so uh, what's going on here? You've got a boyfriend but we're basically dating and me lacking pants keeps coming up". No matter what answer you get to that, you've at least taken the next step and know where you stand. 


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Wizwars, about the bush hogging. Just wet and part my man. Give that bush the Moses treatment and head for the Promised Land.

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#4251 Ranger

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 12:20 PM

Thanks guys, appreciate the anecdotes.  What makes my situation even more complicated is that the girl is living with her boyfriend.  I mean, they might as well be married.  They've been an integral part of eachother's lives for a long, long time---hell, she has a map on her wall of every place they've traveled around the world---so even if they broke up, it wouldn't be wise to begin a new relationship right away.  Anyway, the other (mutual) female friend I mentioned, the one that thinks we'd make a great couple, is having a girls' night with her this weekend, so I might not mean any action on my part to find out what her intentions are.

 

Speaking of said mutual female friend, that friend is actually an ex of mine who I recently learned is going through a divorce.  I knew it was probably going to happen, because we had a heart to heart about it earlier this year, and it drudged up all kinds of confusing emotions.  At the time, I think we both couldn't help but wonder, what if?  What if we had stayed together, or if we had begun our romantic relationship as the long-time friends we are now?  I know I did.  A part of me will always love her, and remember her as the person she was when we dated.  So...she recently asks me over to her place, to catch up, and of course it didn't take long to find out she had left her husband.  Again, those thoughts of "what if" came up, but I soon realized no, this doesn't feel right.  In fact, it was really quite sad.  And so bizarre to think about how a person you've known for a long time, can be both the person you remember when you met them, unchanged, and a different person entirely.  Made me consider how fast time goes by the older you get, and really feel old for the first time in...ever?

 

It also kinda makes me think of another "what if".  What if we only want the things we want because we know we can't have them?  And that really is a depressing thought.  

 

Also apparently women are the cause of all my loneliness.  I guess Bob Marley really was onto something.


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#4252 mig50

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 01:21 PM

I guess Bob Marley really was onto something.


what the FUCK.
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#4253 joe.distort

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 01:40 PM

 And so bizarre to think about how a person you've known for a long time, can be both the person you remember when you met them, unchanged, and a different person entirely. 

this, in my opinion, is one of the most important things you can learn to process. and i dont mean 'oh, i know this', i mean TRULY accept this fact. it has been immensely helpful for my sanity


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#4254 Robby V

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 03:17 PM

Ranger, I hate to tell you but every post you make in this thread seems more like lyrics to a track off Women Titles by Hot Dad than the last.
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#4255 raubhimself

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 03:23 PM

Ranger, I hate to tell you but every post you make in this thread seems more like lyrics to a track off Women Titles by Hot Dad than the last.

Great album.


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#4256 Ranger

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Posted 14 December 2017 - 03:41 PM

Ranger, I hate to tell you but every post you make in this thread seems more like lyrics to a track off Women Titles by Hot Dad than the last.

 

I don't know the lyrics but +1 anyway because it sounds assuredly appropriate.


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#4257 joe.distort

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 02:26 PM

i feel like my mind has finally been able to accept the stuff from therapy where i needed to learn that i can't judge my life by a lack of a partner or around being alone. its been really freeing and, mixed with a conversation that reminded me of what my life was like 25 years ago, has me feeling better and better about my current life. i mean, life in general sucks, but my life has turned out better than i really expected as a depressed child. i have been much more attuned to the way that most people completely shit on this concept though. the message that average people convey to me is that 'you need to be in a relationship to be happy' and thats just shitty to say to people, especially when you work so hard to accept yourself as a stand-alone human.


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#4258 Ranger

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 03:54 PM

I need to learn to do that.  I mean, bullshit drama with work aside, I am generally happy.  I don't need to be in a relationship.  But it sure does make me feel good having someone like that in my life.  And while I never get told I need to be in a relationship to be happy, I do constantly get told by very much unavailable women how awesome I am, and that they've gotta find a girl for me.  Which never happens.

 

Speaking of.  I went out with both previously discussed women titles last weekend.  That was maybe a poor decision.  Ex/friend ended up getting too drunk, hitting on me and telling me she loves me in more ways than one, then ditching us and going home with some random douchey looking dude.  Which annoyed the fuck out of me, because 1) she had been complaining all night about how nobody would be interested in her, and 2) I parked at her place and we had agreed to get a ride back together (I left some stuff there).  But I mean, I can't fault her.  Everyone copes with hard times in different ways.

 

Then the night ended with other women title and me both being confused as hell.  It's even more clear that we're into eachother, and neither of us know what to do about that except I guess wait it out.  She told me she always likes hanging out with me, and that we should do so more often after the holidays.  And I agreed.  So yeah.

 

You know what though, I'm not entirely sure I agree that being unhappy being alone is something we should just learn to deal with.  Humans are social creatures.  I am, anyway.  Everybody needs alone time, but being alone for too long is really not good for me.    


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#4259 dasaten

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 09:50 AM

After trying like 4 or 5 antidepressants that I thought were all terrible in the past years 4, I got on Effexor in July and finally found something I feel like want to take long term. I was pretty fucking depressed when I started taking it, and started noticing a positiveffect on the first day, and within a couple weeks I started feeling okay again basically. I've been plagued by boom/bust cycles of depression and mania ever year for the past 6 or 7 years, and kinda just thought that might be how my life was gonna be, didn't have a whole lot of hope that I was gonna be able to change that.
My d
epressions would usually last from August until April or so, and when I started feeling good in spring again, there was little I could do to keep myself from getting carried away after having been in the darkness for so long. 
But, th
e meds make me feel like it's a lot easier to not let myself lose control, like I can see myself having some behavior or thought that I'd associate with getting pre-manic or maybe psychotic in slow motion and just slow it down and stop it. Anyway, it's pretty cool that I found a medication I like, and I feel like I get to start a new chapter of my life where instead of just feeling like absolute shit or feeling absolutely great I feel just okay a lot more of the time. 


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#4260 ErichWK

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Posted 22 December 2017 - 07:43 PM

So.... I'm kind of freaking out. I went to get a physical and a blood test the other day for the hell of it and my blood tests came back telling me I'm borderline diabetic... I have glucose levels of 117 and it's scaring me. I don't get it. I don't eat a lot of sugar. I'm in the best shape or my life. I work out 5 days a week. I eat super fucking healthy, no fast food.. fresh veggies and complex carbs like brown rice and lean meats. Could this Just be a fluke???


Edit: talked to my dad. The fucking doctors didn't tell me to fast and he said thats probably what messed up the test. Grrr
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