Depression And Other Social Issues
Posted 06 February 2018 - 09:39 AM
so this ones kind of weird but i just realized it last night and its bugging the shit out of me and i really just want to articulate this idea somewhere so yeah
my mom was really young when i was born. she was a few weeks shy of her 20th birthday. that, combined with our kinda fucked up living situation, produced a dynamic where we were always pretty close until i was in my mid-20s or so. she was the 'cool' mom who drove us to shows, turned kind of a blind eye to minor shit that other parents would flip out about and was always very understanding of what it was like for us as kids. hell, when she was my age now she was driving her teenage son to hardcore shows and dropping us off in alleys and shit. when i was in high school i never drank at all, but she always told me to call her rather than drive with someone drunk, stuff like that. she had a rough life and knew what it was like, yknow?
but now as i'm in my late thirties, i've noticed that shes becoming, well....an old person.i don't just mean her physical age. she lives in a retirement community, and even though she still works, she does all old people shit. for somebody who literally grew up going to NYC on the weekends in the 1970s, shes suddenly worried about 'bad neighborhoods' and 'shady people'. she forgets stuff all the time. thank god she is still pretty leftist but i've noticed a lot of creep over into stuff like 'i don't know why people have to have protests' and other crap. its really upsetting to me, both on a personal emotional level and that whole pesky fear-of-mortality-and-progression-of-time thing. we used to be very close, but i don't think i have had a real conversation with her besides some surface-level shit in a few years. and now that my nephew is around, she has shifted (happily) into full-on grandma mode (which is a whole other issue, as i'm pretty sure she is bummed that i don't ever want kids, and i have known this for a long time). i just don't see any way to EVER approach this issue with her and it makes me really sad. what do you say to someone in this situation? 'hey ma, i love ya but can you stop getting older?' i don't really think theres a solution besides me just having to be an adult and deal with reality. fun.
TL,DR getting older sucks and none of us are immune to even its most minor shitty ripples
Posted 06 February 2018 - 10:19 AM
I would if we lived nearby!
Finally looking for a therapist to learn how to manage my emotions. Might be too late to save my relationship, but I could still use it regardless. WOMMMp.
First session went OKAY.
One minor thing threw me off: The picture of the dude on the center's site made him look like a dude in his late 30's, early 40's, but when I got there, he had a beard, half-sleeve tats on both arms -- basically looking like a dude starting up a craft brewery. And he's three years younger than me.
Nice guy, though.
Posted 13 February 2018 - 06:31 AM
I miss you guys. Not feelin right at the moment.
I'm imagining Ellis writing the script to this at a computer, and every time he gets to the end of a line about religion being bad he smacks his fedora to tip it, making the sounds of a typewriter being reset.
Posted 13 February 2018 - 07:42 AM
THIS PCB IS NOT KILLING
A random assortment of music set to a Winamp visualizer over at my YouNow page - most nights around midnight PST
EVERY FOREIGN FOOD IS A LIE.
“well, if you get kidnapped and sent down a river for real, yeah, they probably aren’t gonna give you any trail mix.”
Posted 13 February 2018 - 08:59 PM
After 2 and a half weeks of being relatively symptom free and looking forward to a period of remission, I woke up today with pre-symptoms and I am not handling this well at all. I've been on the edge of tears all day long. I went to the store and nearly had to just turn around and go back home but managed to power through that. Same thing with going to the gym; as soon as I got in the car and especially at home, just a total mess. Dinner took well over 2 hours to make just because I couldn't stop just...staring blankly off at nothing and losing it...I'm not ready for another attack. It's too soon. I'm on the strict diet. I'm on the diuretics. I'm taking the eight goddamned supplements. Logically I know that that shit might take a while to start to do anything but fuck goddamnit I just want something to work. I just got done with this shit i Just want this to work. Some more time to prepare or at least forget that something is even fucking wrong. This is of course on top of just feeling dead inside in general and i just...uuuuuuuuughg fuck I'm so broken and angry and depressed. I just hope that this Vertigoheel shit does it's fucking job when I inevitably have my next attack goddamnit.
Posted 24 February 2018 - 01:18 AM
My little brother got engaged today, and I'm genuinely very happy for him.
But I was hit with a strong sensation of "Looks I'm officially the fuckup brother." I don't believe that my family feels that way but... goddammit.
TAKE IT TO THE ZELDA BREATH OF THE WILD THREAD, IDIOT
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