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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#4381 Demonstray

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 11:50 PM

Waiting to hear back from my former therapist's office so I can be assigned a new one; his internship expired so he's working elsewhere now. My last therapy appointment was 2 or 3 months ago.

Also waiting for my first psychiatrist appointment in August, wherein I hope to get some opinions on why I can never feel awake and alert; it's either I feel awake but tired as fuck, or I have energy and can function but don't understand what is going on around me.

Currently on 300mg Wellbutrin and for a while it was keeping me from falling asleep 4 hours after waking up, but that stopped helping and now I don't think it's really having any effect. I think the transition to summertime had more to do with why I can stay awake longer now.

Life is...getting harder.
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#4382 Maiko

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 02:41 AM

 

Hi shizz, I've been depressed so I haven't been around, sorry.
Good news is I'm seeing a therapist and a psych now, wheee.

 

U tried any new effective meds lately?

 

 

I'm on 100mg of lamictal now which has been pretty good for my mood, I feel a lot more balanced overall.

Still on wellbutrin too, 300mg I think? I wanted to get off of it because I didn't think it was doing much, but my psych said to stay on.

Also still taking stuff for my thyroid and vitamin D bc I'm a vampire.

 

My next appointment is this Friday, and I'm actually gonna ask about ADHD; my sister has it and is taking medication and I've just

never really wanted to pin any of my anxiety/inability to function on something like that, but it's getting harder and harder to get my shit together.

I really hate relying on medication and just feel sort of pathetic that I need it so much to function, also don't want doctor to think I'm 

just trying to score some ritalin or whatever, I'd really rather not have to take it bc not super stoked about stimulants.

 

I've been leaving the house maybe 3 times a week max though, my social anxiety has gotten a lot worse for some reason.

Therapy has been decent, my therapist does CBT so it isn't just "talk about ur feelings" and more "let's figure out how to fix this"

 

All in all I just really hate myself, but I'm trying my damnest to stop

 

sorry for the ramble.


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#4383 Ken Oh

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 03:05 AM

You're great and you should feel great. I'm sorry you don't.

my therapist does CBT so it isn't just "talk about ur feelings" and more "let's figure out how to fix this"


Wow, I didn't know this was a thing, but I'm glad it is.
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#4384 Demonstray

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 07:44 AM

Yeah CBT is a great tool. I know some people can pick it up and keep a lifelong grasp on it, but I'm not one of those types so I really need a therapist to indefinitely guide me along.

Maiko, I feel you on the whole barely leaving the house thing. Except mine is less anxiety, though that at least contributes somewhat, but it's almost entirely depression-related. For like...years now, I've never once had the urge to leave the house on a day off, or after work, or...ever. I want to do as little every day as I can, and much of the time that includes not even starting my computer to check my email or work on music. Recently I've stepped up by playing video games instead of just sitting on the couch with the screen off. "Stepped up".
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#4385 ErichWK

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 08:44 AM

Hi shizz, I've been depressed so I haven't been around, sorry.
Good news is I'm seeing a therapist and a psych now, wheee.


U tried any new effective meds lately?

I'm on 100mg of lamictal now which has been pretty good for my mood, I feel a lot more balanced overall.
Still on wellbutrin too, 300mg I think? I wanted to get off of it because I didn't think it was doing much, but my psych said to stay on.
Also still taking stuff for my thyroid and vitamin D bc I'm a vampire.

My next appointment is this Friday, and I'm actually gonna ask about ADHD; my sister has it and is taking medication and I've just
never really wanted to pin any of my anxiety/inability to function on something like that, but it's getting harder and harder to get my shit together.
I really hate relying on medication and just feel sort of pathetic that I need it so much to function, also don't want doctor to think I'm
just trying to score some ritalin or whatever, I'd really rather not have to take it bc not super stoked about stimulants.

I've been leaving the house maybe 3 times a week max though, my social anxiety has gotten a lot worse for some reason.
Therapy has been decent, my therapist does CBT so it isn't just "talk about ur feelings" and more "let's figure out how to fix this"

All in all I just really hate myself, but I'm trying my damnest to stop

sorry for the ramble.

I'm really really happy and proud of you for trying your best. You got this <3
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#4386 Mike456

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 04:18 PM

Yeah CBT is a great tool. I know some people can pick it up and keep a lifelong grasp on it, but I'm not one of those types so I really need a therapist to indefinitely guide me along.

Maiko, I feel you on the whole barely leaving the house thing. Except mine is less anxiety, though that at least contributes somewhat, but it's almost entirely depression-related. For like...years now, I've never once had the urge to leave the house on a day off, or after work, or...ever. I want to do as little every day as I can, and much of the time that includes not even starting my computer to check my email or work on music. Recently I've stepped up by playing video games instead of just sitting on the couch with the screen off. "Stepped up".

 

Isn't it fucked up when you have to force yourself to play video games? My depressed ass almost never derives any pleasure from them. I've been trying to force myself to play 'em more because it's the tiniest bit healthier than my habit of just lying there in bed with Twitch running and half-assedly surfing the web during ALL my free time


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#4387 Maiko

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 04:39 PM

<3
Thanks everyone for being so supportive and understanding, I don't like feel worth anyone's time but I appreciate it nonetheless.

I feel ya with games and anything fun really, I feel worthless and that I'm wasting time when I do "fun" things. There doesn't feel like a point to doing anything really. Like if I ever feel like I'm enjoying myself existential dread squashes that pretty quickly. I don't see a point to leaving the house and when I do I'm stressed out and on high alert.
I'm really really hoping to fix it, or at least mitigate it; I'm tired of being a sad sack of shit.
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#4388 Mike456

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 09:25 PM

<3
Thanks everyone for being so supportive and understanding, I don't like feel worth anyone's time but I appreciate it nonetheless.

I feel ya with games and anything fun really, I feel worthless and that I'm wasting time when I do "fun" things. There doesn't feel like a point to doing anything really. Like if I ever feel like I'm enjoying myself existential dread squashes that pretty quickly. I don't see a point to leaving the house and when I do I'm stressed out and on high alert.
I'm really really hoping to fix it, or at least mitigate it; I'm tired of being a sad sack of shit.

 

I know that feel, all too well! When I force myself to go out skateboarding with friends occasionally, I sometimes start BUGGIN' and kicking myself for not bringing along my own vehicle for immediate escape, haha.


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#4389 joe.distort

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Posted 06 June 2018 - 11:59 AM

its really hard to not hate yourself when your brain just doesn't work correctly, so its awesome that you are trying to break out.

 

i'm re-visiting some of the stuff i learned about/ read when i was in therapy/ living with someone with anxiety because i'm starting to notice that ever since having a mental breakthrough in regards to my extreme depression i'm slowly replacing it with severe anxiety that everything is gonna crash around me. i'm desperately trying to not let this fear become a self-fulfilling prophecy but my work/ life/ relationships/ financial situations are doing good and i am finding it very hard to cope with the imposter syndrome that i'm feeling. mental health is some shit and its a bummer to realize that even when things are good i'm kinda suffering in general silence to everyone around me for fear of alienating the people who are important to me


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#4390 urvile

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Posted 08 June 2018 - 07:51 AM

I know depression and mental health is a complicated topic, but damn it's hard to wake up to the news of another suicide and not just want to give up myself. I'd like to think I'm strong, I'm a fighter. But if I'm being honest, the only reason I've made it this far might be something closer to cowardliness. So much personal trauma that even those playing along at home, following my long history of oversharing on the internet, couldn't begin to understand. 

 

OK, I started to rant here but it got super depressing. DELETE. I don't know where I'm going with this, not everything in my life sucks. But fuck, it's hard not to look around you and seriously ponder the reason to keep going in this broken body when so many others chose to give up. I'm still going to fight on though, even if most of the signs point to "just die already!" 

 

I'm just in a real bad place lately, these facilities really can drain your will to live. Well time to get up. Wheelchair just got repaired and I have company from Canada coming sunday, so that should be fun. weather permitting


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#4391 raubhimself

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Posted 08 June 2018 - 08:59 AM

Urv, I can't offer any real words of wisdom but damn you're a real inspiration man. I can't think of anyone else I know who has gone through as much as you have. 


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#4392 Jace

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Posted 08 June 2018 - 12:52 PM

In a *really* weird way, I find a possibly perverse sort of "don't do it" inspiration in Bourdain's suicide because he "had everything" that people think will make them happy, and a seemingly great attitude about it all, and it ended up being a thousand times more complex and personal than any of that.
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#4393 BornInCrimson

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Posted 08 June 2018 - 01:23 PM

Life is always a struggle and no matter what you've got as far as job, house, material goods, there's always going to be difficulties somewhere. You can be totally comfortable and rich and still depressed. It helps for me to look back at how far I've come in life and the good that has come out of the last years and not to concentrate on the things I don't have or don't like.

 

Everthing in life changes - it's up to you to make that change better for you and otherwise enjoy what you can along the way. Even if things suck right now, as long as you're still alive you have the ability to make it better.


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#4394 nEwT

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Posted 08 June 2018 - 01:41 PM

Everthing in life changes - it's up to you to make that change better for you and otherwise enjoy what you can along the way. Even if things suck right now, as long as you're still alive you have the ability to make it better.


This, pretty much.
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#4395 Ken Oh

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Posted 15 June 2018 - 08:59 PM

I was hating on humanity pretty hard before last night. Then last night came along.


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