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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#4441 Jadbgjoka

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Posted 15 March 2019 - 02:11 PM

You won't rationalize it away, but depending on your sort of history with it, the anxiety will sort of drift off over time as you regain experience in those situations. Sometimes it's the buildi g up of the idea of failure that gives anxiety its power, and to actually fail may lessen it. Rhat is an after the fact solution, even in the most ootimistic scenarios.

My go-tos for pre-encounter fixes are:

Gym/running/cardio. The high from a workout usually gets me loose enough to chat to strangers in situations I otherwise wouldn't.

Attending classes (I know, money can be an issue, bit as your circumstances improve this is an oppertunity to develop life skills). Choose a class with some sort of participation, because you won't be the only one feeling at odds, and that shared discomfort really greases the wheels for everyone getting along to feel secure again.

Pick up sports, ultimate frisbee teams, etc. The whole point is to meet people, so others are looking forward to excelling at the process.


People generally like feeling socialable and worth someone elses time. Know when not to cling to a conversation topic and allow people to move on naturally (volunteer lines like "you probably need to get going" if you're not sure how to read the flow, it is a polite out)

Sorry if any of this is missing the mark to what your after. You do well around here, so surely you've got a few decent chats in you. The "new to town" thing opens you up for all kinds of conversations and recommendations.

Best luck! You're great! "DOOOO IIIIIIIT"
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#4442 Demonstray

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Posted 16 March 2019 - 01:05 AM

chimonstray has generalized anxiety, which is the only form of anxiety that is neither caused by anything, nor treatable with healthy and constructive self-talk. All other forms of anxiety are treatable (never curable as there is no such thing as a genuine cure for anxiety or depression, just like with any other mental illness) with a balance of either talk therapy or corrected self-talk and medication.

Irrational anxiety is not caused rationally but is treated with rationality, like all other forms of anxiety with the one exception. That is, according to the DSM-5 wherein my therapist gets her information, the biggest factor in approaching the treatment of irrational vs generalized anxiety.

I beat my social anxiety in an unconventional way: being forced into a job interview by my best friend at the time, and finding out that it was at a family fitness & sports facility, which in turned forced me to work so heavily on my customer service and conversation skills that I got a compliment within my first year working there for being "charming" by an elderly lady. And whose opinion besides old ladies' should one truly trust about charm?
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.


#4443 Demonstray

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Posted 24 March 2019 - 03:16 PM

Sorry for double post.

Our oldest cat, Luci (short for Lucifer after her demonic temperament when she was adopted at 7 weeks old), passed away just over 6 hours ago.

She was a domesticated feral, born under a barn, and it took her a long time to be okay with humans. It was another solid couple of years before she was okay with seeing me within a few metres of her. I took a video on my old cell phone of the first time she demonstrated an interest in following me down a hallway.

Before we adopted our maine coon/persian tuxedo cross, Mamo (short for Mamoru Chiba, the Japanese name for Tuxedo Mask's alter ego in Sailor Moon), she had a "big sister" figure that chimonstray had adopted even before Luci, named Isis. Isis only lived to be 8 years old due to a big spread of pancreatic, liver, gall bladder, and kidney cancer that culminated in 2016. Luci was somewhat lethargic for a while because of how much she clearly missed Isis, but once we adopted Mamo not long after, she just spent all her time fending him off because he wanted so badly to be best friends and came across very aggressively with how often he wanted to play.

Every 6-12 months thereafter (since February 2017), Luci has had trouble breathing properly and has received a different diagnosis. 2017: Acute pancreatitis. February 2018: Bronchitis. September 2018: Asthma.

In late December, 2018, we adopted Pearl from a local pet store because she is 1 year old, hadn't lived with people yet, and was just about to be subjected to a flawed system in which a rescued cat is bounced between pet stores within a city, then moved to a new city. The same thing would have happened to Mamo if we hadn't adopted him. We applied for Pearl and harassed the shelter until they agreed. Pearl and Luci didn't get along, but they had an agreement not to bother each other. Mamo hasn't been so lucky; Pearl hates his guts and he gets scratches all over when he gets too close to her.

Probably 4 or 5 days ago, Luci and Mamo were playing and chasing each other in the living room. She sought him out on our bed to get herself licked clean quite often (she loved it when he scratched the inside of her ear with his teeth; he is very thorough about bathing). Nothing was wrong.

Then a few days ago she started being too tired to walk around much, and her breathing was rapid, shallow, and crackly. Brought her to our regular vet on March 22nd, who prescribed her a bunch of stuff like oral steroids and bronchodilators (she was already on an inhaler for the past several months). "Go to the 24 hour emergency pet hospital tonight if there are no major improvements." Did that around 8 p.m., knowing we would have to leave her at least overnight in an oxygen tent. We certainly did. Then came March 23rd, 2019: They began to suspect heart disease. Later that same day: Cancer or pneumonia. With no treatment available for cancer, she was immediately put on a cocktail of antibiotics to attempt to treat her for pneumonia.

It was cancer.

The emergency vet called this morning just before 8 a.m. to tell us that Luci wasn't doing so well. She was open-mouth breathing, and that meant she would be in critical condition soon. When I woke up after 8:30 just from some stomach problems, I checked my voicemail and rejoined chimonstray in the bedroom to discuss. Then she got the call that Luci's condition was officially critical, and that they were preparing to administer CPR with her permission, which she gave. Less than 5% of cats survive CPR, but any chance that she could survive was better than none. She didn't survive, and we got there between 5 and 10 minutes too late.

We are devastated. She was so perfect; she had no interest in doing anything that would worry, scare, or annoy us. She only ever wanted to cuddle, sit or sleep silently nearby, and periodically meow adorably for attention or tap water. Sometimes when she cuddled, she wanted to sit or lay down on our chests, stomachs, or if we were laying on our stomachs, she would even loaf on our backs.

I bawled my eyes out for the entire hour we stayed at the vet's office this morning. I need some fucking Mamo snuggles, for sure. I miss Luci so badly. I was supposed to work at 2 p.m. today but I called in at about 10:45 and they told me they'd take care of it, so that's at least good.

As chimonstray put it earlier, "I know people who have had cats live up to 20 years. Why can't I have any live past 10?"
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.


#4444 raubhimself

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Posted 24 March 2019 - 05:50 PM

Sorry to hear that dude. I can't imagine how hard that was to deal with :(


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#4445 MegaMatt

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Posted 24 March 2019 - 10:33 PM

That's awful, man. My cat Buddy is only 8 and he has kidney problems that haven't improved after several vet visits and a myriad of different meds. Thinking about his mortality is a huge source of anxiety for me and the only thing I know to do is shower him with affection.
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#4446 Demonstray

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Posted 24 March 2019 - 11:12 PM

Thanks so much, guys. I also feel a strange conflict between how sad I feel, and how privileged I feel with chimonstray's parents as my in-laws. They have told us not to worry about the vet bills or rent at all until either of us can afford them, which I certainly can't on my meager wages (though if I can finally stay stable after increasing my hours again, I should be back on my feet soon and able to pay them back in some way). As a result, I took charge at the vet's office and asked them to print out a detailed quotation authorizing every conceivable effort to keep her alive if there was a chance that she could live comfortably again. Because we never knew for sure what was causing her decline until the very end, we gave them permission to do CPR just in case there was something that could still be done, and they did their absolute best. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart before leaving.

Folks, give pet insurance some serious consideration and think about annual or even semi-annual x-rays and blood panels. I've learned that those could be the difference between absolute devastation and either some form of consolation, or an extended lifespan for your pet.

Matt, that's so awful and I'm so sorry. Isis had urinary crystals that caused her immense pain before she passed, and I still have thoughts about how I failed her by assuming she was just peeing on things out of an old habit. I'm glad to know that you've at least identified the kidney problems, but I sincerely hope that Buddy can live more comfortably soon with whatever help the vet can conjure up. I wish pets were easier to care for with illnesses like these. :( Give all my best to Buddy!!!
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.


#4447 tibone

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Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:01 AM

First of all, fuck cancer!

 

Dude, i'm really sorry to hear that.

Losing a cat is always a big deal, it never gets any easier.

 

Cats are known to have kidney problems and heart conditions and depending on the breed also breathing problems.

The natural lifespan of a cat is supposed to be between 8-10 years, but domesticated cats can live up to 20 (avg is usually around 15).

So, when you think about your cat, please know that it lived a full life. and if it showed any of the usual behavoir of a happy cat, there were probably nothing you could do.

 

They are amazing little creatures.

 

Again, sorry for your loss.


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#4448 EgoOrb

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Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:34 PM

I consistently hide how I am feeling from anyone I associate with. It feels like an act. I put on a smile and laugh and it's genuine but not indicative of how I am feeling day to day. 

I'm dropping out of college because I don't see the point in continuing to accumulate debt when I don't know what I'm gonna be doing for the rest of my life. 
moving back in with my parents because I can't afford to live anywhere.
I feel like a failure and there is nothing to look forward to.
I'm frustrated at how little I get done over such a large amount of time.
little tasks seem like huge obstacles.

and I tell no one that I feel like garbage because I don't want to burden anyone with my feelings. 
So I end up feeling like complete shit and no one knows because I never tell anyone.
and I laugh and smile and share memes and that makes others think I'm doing as okay as I tell them I am.

I should see a therapist up here at college but I will only be up here for a few more months so i'm feeling like what's the point?
I don't want to die. If I did, my aunt would have to pay off all my college debt. Can't escape capitalism even in death.
I also feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life so that would fucking suck if I am nothing, die, then someone has to pay for my death.


I haven't posted on the shizz in a long time and I am scared to post this.
self worth is low.


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#4449 raubhimself

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Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:54 PM

Take advantage of any counseling you can get at school even if it's short term. They may be able to refer you to someone to see afterwards. But in the meantime most universities offer free counseling and even if it's short term it could get you on a good path.


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#4450 WilliamTheBard

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Posted 04 April 2019 - 05:30 PM

Getting out of depression is a hell of an accomplishment, focus on that as step one. It gets much easier once you have that monkey off your back and you can start looking at the world and your life through a healthy lens. I've been on both sides of it and know how truly terrifying and painful depression is. Life after depression isn't all cupcakes and rainbows, sure, but man is it a lot more fun!

Take absolutely any help you can. Go to a counselor as soon as possible (sounds like you're ready) and just take off the shackles of not talking to anyone about how you feel. Let your counselor, that one person, in to what you're experiencing and it'll start to make a difference. Just talking about it here with us is a great step and I hope you keep up the momentum and see a professional. You may think you're only going to be in that school for a few months, but a few months of therapy can make a big difference, so don't write anything off yet.

 

Anywho, if you ever need to talk about your shit send me a PM. When I first started reaching out on theshiiz, weener's private messages helped me tremendously and I'd love to provide whatever help I can to a fellow shizzie. You're a good person and worth fighting for, don't let depression convince you otherwise.


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#4451 Spookmeister C

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 03:55 PM

I'm gonna go ahead and bump this. I've been in a bit of a mess mentally of late and today certainly isn't helping me keep it together. We could all use affirmation that things will get better, and surely they must, but my god does this world seem too fucked up to participate in sometimes.

I do love you all and I haven't forgotten about any of you, believe it. Be safe out there
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#4452 joe.distort

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 04:04 PM

hey all, i know i'm not really around on here anymore but seeing this thread made me want to say: i have been at the lowest of lows (nd theres probably some hideous old posts of mine floating in here), but things CAN get better and there is hope even if you cannot personally see or feel it. i went from planning my actual suicide to now, the happiest time of my life. therapy, self help reading, eating right, giving a shit about yourself and finding the medication that is right for you can change your world in ways you never could imagine and we are all pulling for each other. it can get better. hugs and kisses!


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#4453 brodan

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 04:48 PM

i miss the shizz now more than ever today. ive only seen a few of you in the past while as i havent been to the last two MAGs. you all feel like family and i hope to see you all soon.


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#4454 Maiko

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 05:05 PM

I know the feel, I haven't been around much either and I miss all of you so much.

I keep shuffling between facebook and the shizz and twitter and my texts and messenger and not really looking at anything just, not sure what to do right now
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#4455 Sindra

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 05:12 PM

Am I the only one who felt like Daemon was the Patron Saint of the Depression and Social Issues thread with how uplifting he's always been? Is that weird? It feels justified in my head.

 

My thoughts are kind of airy right now and I'm emotionally exhausted so the ol' deep thinking isn't happening. I both want to stay up and commiserate with other Shizzies because you guys know the best how horrid this is, but also crawl into bed and pray like hell today was just a horrible dream.

 

Right now I'm sipping water because fluids have kept leaking from my eyeballs the past 4 hours.

 

Love you guys.


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