4548 replies to this topic

[Serena]

Nevermind

[Demonstray]

People have a very skewed perspective on BPD, I'm embarrassed to say. Chimonstray has it, and from experience and I can say that the only pain someone should be worried about when they have a loved one with BPD is the pain that their loved one is experiencing. Sometimes I forget how badly a seemingly trivial argument could be tearing her apart, and then I remember and just wish I could make it easier for her.

People think BPD makes you this scheming manipulative wildcard, but all it really makes you is a victim of other people's scrutiny while you're already suffering heightened emotions on top of that.

I'm so sorry to hear that this is being perpetuated by your boyfriend's friends, and I just want you to know that your feelings are completely valid. Anyone would be crushed to be in that situation, so I just don't want you to feel alienated by your own reaction to these circumstances. We love you here, Serena!

[juef]

Hey Serena! I can't claim to understand how you feel or how you should feel, but... I can see two very positive things in your post I'd like to point out:

 

• I quit drinking a week ago because that's been a big problem

• I already have a trans girl friend

   

Reading these two things brought me a smile, and I hope they do (or will do) the same for you. I also wanted to assure you you're not a hollow shell to us, and certainly not to most people. You're still one of the few on the top of the list of shizzies I hope to meet someday!

[mooniniteG]

Serena is definitely a top tier shizzie.

[Mike456]

Serena is super rad! I left her a FB comment the other day telling her how boss she was and how she's a hottie badass, but I called her a dope ass cool hottie several times and I didn't wanna piss off her ex so I deleted the comment.

 

Serena, I know for a fact u will find an even better partner in the future. He was not "the one". U are a kind, beautiful, cool-ass musical genius. Your life has just begun homeslice <3

[Serena]

Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

So... He called me and we decided to work things out. He wasn't pleased with my newfound spiral into degeneracy... but we're working on that. He described it well, he said it's like joining the circus, heh. I still have a lot of self-hatred to work through.

Hormones just make me wacko. I've been going off the rails since getting on weekly injections a couple months ago. Not easy coping with stress while having pregnancy levels of estrogen every day.. I'm getting another blood test done.

I finally feel like the walls aren't closing in anymore for the first time in like a month though. I feel like I have my life back. It's not all sunshine and rainbows but I'm about 2 weeks sober and everything is working out far better than I expected. I think he expected the psycho ex girlfriend routine like before but lately I've been taking real responsibility for my behavior. I have no one to blame but myself for the way I screwed things up.

The synergy we both feel with each other is like lightning and ultimately neither of us wants to let this go. He loves and cares for me like nobody I've ever met and it really shows. Nothing is more valuable to me than him. Even through hard times and the challenges of a LDR he's every bit worth it. He inspires me to be a better person.

Sigh..thanks for letting me ramble. tl;dr everything is ok.

[MegaMatt]

I'm glad you worked things out, but just keep in mind that no one is "THE ONE" and your happiness shouldn't ever be completely tied to another person.

 

So, after another chest pain + anxiety attack at work my blood pressure was through the roof and they had to call EMS to take me to the hospital. After all manner of tests they couldn't find any heart problems or anything physically wrong with me, but this gave me the push I needed to finally make an appointment with a doctor and talk about my mental problems. I am getting worse and worse at coping with stress, so it's like my generalized anxiety combined with depression just form an infinite loop of self-defeat. So I'm finally back on anti-depressants and trying to keep a positive outlook. Hopefully I can eventually find the motivation to get my body and mind back on track (I really need to do something about my drinking problem). Wish me luck shizz, and thanks for giving me a place to vent.

 

Still <3 y'all.

[C.C. Z28]

Why do so many of us Shizzies drink too much? Other "nerds" aren't like this. I should also be drinking less, but I'm also way down on the alcohol intake as compared to the early 20-Teens (and almost no pot, unlike the mid-2000s). Thinking that our musician sides are vastly overpowering our nerd sides.

[Demonstray]

Local medical professionals HATE me! Learn what my secret is in the link below!

...Anyway I just started switching my meds from Wellbutrin to Effexor, going antidepressant to antidepressant/antianxiety combo drug. Gonna have to try for the third day in a row to call into the sleep clinic for an appointment, because they haven't answered their phones since they left chimonstray a voicemail and not me. Oh, and still on the waiting list for a neurologist.

Don't know what to make of all these non-diagnoses from word-of-mouth at therapy and psychiatry and doctor visits. ADD, PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, what else? I keep requesting a structured clinical trial, for a formal diagnosis, but I didn't expect to be met with such constant resistance towards helping me figure my shit out.

Oh well. I've excommunicated my parents, citing emotional abuse and manipulation among other things as my reasons. I gave them the chance to respond with either an apology/message of assurance that they are willing to change, or one finalizing the cutting of contact, and they chose the latter. I don't need their shit when I'm already overwhelmed by simply waking up every day.

[the Wozz]

Why do so many of us Shizzies drink too much? Other "nerds" aren't like this. I should also be drinking less, but I'm also way down on the alcohol intake as compared to the early 20-Teens (and almost no pot, unlike the mid-2000s). Thinking that our musician sides are vastly overpowering our nerd sides.

 

I've severely cut back on drinking. It's a good thing, too. I've been saving a lot of money (kinda), and I don't feel like total dog-dick all the time.

[armor]

I've previously enjoyed partying harder in MURKA because bad lifestyle choices are cheaper there... In Canada I usually avoided dispensing much money on alcohol as I had learned to brew and still. I get pretty into whatever I'm into at times... I'm really glad to have exploration games like fallout in the winter time, I'd don't doubt I'd get diagnosed with the seasonal affective disorder if I could make it to appointments in the winter. I'm so glad the solstice is here and that I made it without getting fired for oversleeping which hits me between daylight savings time and the solstice.

So maybe people here have the insidious video gaming addiction! 
https://futurism.com...-game-addiction
(This is a terrible article, people are prepared to help for 26,000)

I think at times I have delved into learning like an addict, or biking, which might be healthier unless, you die biking. Some people got addicted to going to the gym, some people get addicted to slot machines, it's really sad when you think of how meagre the gameplay offered there is. My ancestors all played cards and board games to pass the time, it's just the entertainment medium of the day, look how gaming can connect people here for instance.
 

[C.C. Z28]

We don't know, there might be a whole community of people covering video slots songs

[armor]

Why don't the casinos just put the gamblers who bring their lives to ruin on fake tokens, bottomless account?

That would be responsible gambling, taking care of the people who give everything to the casino, even jail or a cult like the church of scientology takes better care of people they'll give you a bunk and a jumpsuit after taking everything else from you.
 

[Mike456]

I hear ya guys RE: drinking.

 

I drink because it makes me not a silent boring idiot. I'm literally catatonic unless I got something in me that makes me saucy. Maybe I need to get on an anti anxiety med in addition to my antidepressants.  The social anixety is unreal, I just can't fucking hold a conversation. It's very upsetting!

[Trohnics!]

I hear ya guys RE: drinking.

 

I drink because it makes me not a silent boring idiot. I'm literally catatonic unless I got something in me that makes me saucy. Maybe I need to get on an anti anxiety med in addition to my antidepressants.  The social anixety is unreal, I just can't fucking hold a conversation. It's very upsetting!

Somewhat same here. I've broken out of my shell a bit over the last few months in regards to random social encounters, but I definitely am more sociable with some sauce in the engine. I've conversely also realized I don't need the alcohol at all in the end, and that caffeine boosts my social prowess just as well.

 

So now I'm just thinking I'd be fine if I just wasn't tired most of the time.

 

I currently blame my very low iron count and excessive need to hang out whenever possible with whomever, almost wherever. Even on work nights. Doing so really stretches me thin, especially with all the driving. I do tend to get plenty of sleep though, so I'm not sure where to turn other than ditching people, which only leads me to being bored at home and not wanting to sit around alone.

 

So with that in mind, I suppose I just enjoy some things more when drinking, and go out of my way to save episodes of shows, moments of games, and even music for when I can really unwind and drink, especially if with friends.