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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#31 Disposable Hero

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 07:16 AM

This happens very occasionally, when I've been in a room on my own for a long time, studying or what have you. I'll have a dark, fleeting image of myself being clawhammered by a surprise assailant, or something like that. I think I actually once braced myself for the blow. Similarly, if I'm near the edge of the sidewalk and a large lorry clatters past, I often imagine it toppling onto me. I'm not in the least bit paranoid, by the way; it doesn't stem from anything like that.

Please tell me I'm not an absolute toaster.


Well, when I first got home from Iraq, I remember sitting in my room a few times and would hear a jet fly over head, which sounds a lot like a mortar round dropping in. The whistle makes it sound like that. I remember my heart starting to pound and I got scared for a second and had to remind myself that I was home and not fearing for my life in Iraq. Pretty freaky, luckily this only happened a couple times while I was readjusting to civilian life.

EDIT: Also, there are plenty of cheap alternative to getting psychiatric help. If you are in college, usually campuses offer a free counselor (a professional) that students may have at their disposal or you could always check the county facility also.
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#32 Ryan8bit

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 07:27 AM

Also, I don't relish the idea of suddenly becoming this new person when I pop a few zoloft etc .



hey dumb-dumb - seeing a therapist in order to figure your shit out does not equal zoloft.

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.


As much as he's being a condescending dick (it's all he can be, don't blame him!), there's some truth to that. This kind of problem can't really be treated by an online forum.


Who's to say that though? Maybe reading stuff typed by other people can make somebody feel better. There's no reason you have to have some fancy degree to tell someone what other people have already said in this thread.
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#33 Paragon

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 08:36 AM

Paragon: I might very well have unreasonable expectations of people, but I can't be wrong all of the time. For instance, this guy who is a typical jock comes over to my place pretty often and we don't say much more than "sup." Then one time, he brings over this fairly attractive girl and his usual makeout buddy and says "hey James, I brought another girl over for you".


Oooh, I didn't know you were talking about that kinda stuff. Yeah, shit like that is. . .well, he's trying to be nice, maybe, I guess. But people like that would probably just get an oh ok from me.

Also, just wanna say that this thread is not supposed to be about me. I pretty much bore all so that other people wouldn't be shy about sharing their feelings. It's hard to talk about but I essentially embarrassed the hell out of myself here so I doubt anyone could justify feeling afraid to share their story.


Fair enough.

I was mildly depressed recently, I'm not sure of the reason. The only thing I really noticed was that I wasn't doing anything productive, or even anything with the illusion of productivity, and had no motivation to do so. . .and it bothered me. I guess it was mostly about my job prospects and by extension the feeling that my life was lacking direction/I would be stuck at the horrible grocery for the rest of my life. Maybe PMD was an aspect of it, maybe being rejected for JET was. . .but it was kinda late for either of those, so probably not. I'm not sure how I got over it, actually. . .
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#34 raubhimself

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 08:59 AM

Highschool is supposed to fuck with you. That's one thing I realized too late after highschool. <snip>

I feel the same way sometimes. High school was pretty much the prime of my drug experimentation days, but socially I played it pretty safe. I had lots of friends, but I mostly stood in their shadows, which was fine by me. I had a girlfriend in 9th grade and that was it.


My mood swings up and down constantly. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, sometimes I realize I have legitimate reasons to feel how I do. Part of this, I know, is because I don't have the healthiest lifestyle. But I'm not really ever 100% sure about that. I mean, my lifestyle seems pretty average, but maybe not the best for me.

The biggest issue for me, I guess, is how my interests and aspirations can change from day to day. Some days I'm fine with being a professional code monkey. Some days I want to code for open source projects. Some days I'm an aspiring musician. Some days I'm an intellect. Some days I'm a gamer. Some days I'm just a lazy bum who watches TV and eats junk food. It's more than just "oh, I don't feel like playing video games today" or "I feel like coding today". It's like an identity crisis and my focus is pulled everywhere and I end up doing nothing and being unhappy. Sometimes I can assure myself that it's a-ok to not feel like being productive, but other times I can't (most likely because of prolonged unproductivity).

Lately though I've been trying really hard to change things. It all starts out with realizing things about yourself. If you can't realize what is making you unhappy, you can't change or accept yourself. For me, it's starting out with exercise and meditation. For the past several weeks creeper and I were playing on a dodgeball team. We sucked, but it was fun exercise and I got to bond with some friends on a new level. Now I'm trying to stick with an exercise and meditation regimen, and eat as best I can for now (will work on that later...).

I'm trying to focus / relax myself as well. I know I can't accomplish everything I want to, but I know I'll be unhappy if I don't accomplish some things. Right now my accomplishments are basically limited to finishing books and games I've accumulated. Accomplishing any goal, no matter how big or small, is just a little bit of progress, and that's all that's needed to get the ball rolling.


If you are feeling down on yourself, I suggesting trying hard to figure out what is making you unhappy. But beware, don't look in the wrong directions. If you think not having a girlfriend is what is making you unhappy, you are mistaken. You have an idea in your head that having a girlfriend will make you happy. You need to abandon ideas like this. Maybe think of it like steak. You want a steak for dinner, but you don't have steak. The steak isn't causing problems, it's the fact that you are unwilling to go after the steak, or you can't accept that you won't be eating steak tonight and just settle for something else. MM... steak... dammit, now I'm sad :(
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#35 JKT

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 09:38 AM

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

no disrespect to JKT, but I just wanted to say that this is very true.

Seeing a therapist may very well be the best thing for some of us, but there's a better way to bring it up is all im sayin. Also, sometimes you have to identify with other people to overcome certain problems which is part of the purpose of this thread.

Xmark I have actually recently been having similar thoughts about life after death (or not?). It hasn't become any kind of crippling fear for me though. Basically, it's impossible for me to imagine consciousness and intelligence beginning at birth and ending at death. I also feel there's too many conditions being met to sustain human life for this to all be a coincidence in my eyes. I really can't fathom what it'd be like to suddenly have a lack of self-awareness if we all just rot in the grave eventually. Maybe it's the fact that I'm unable to comprehend it that makes being an Atheist is completely impossible for me.
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#36 Rize

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 10:34 AM

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

also, to the rest of the minibosses board - GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL THAN ASKING FOR ADVICE ON A MESSAGE BOARD.

no disrespect to JKT, but I just wanted to say that this is very true.

Seeing a therapist may very well be the best thing for some of us, but there's a better way to bring it up is all im sayin. Also, sometimes you have to identify with other people to overcome certain problems which is part of the purpose of this thread.

Xmark I have actually recently been having similar thoughts about life after death (or not?). It hasn't become any kind of crippling fear for me though. Basically, it's impossible for me to imagine consciousness and intelligence beginning at birth and ending at death. I also feel there's too many conditions being met to sustain human life for this to all be a coincidence in my eyes. I really can't fathom what it'd be like to suddenly have a lack of self-awareness if we all just rot in the grave eventually. Maybe it's the fact that I'm unable to comprehend it that makes being an Atheist is completely impossible for me.


I like to think of myself as a computer program (like an OS), that boots up every day. As if every day I have a new "soul" (don't believe in souls in the typical sense). If I do something that benefits me today, well it's obvious why I would do that. If I do something that benefits me tomorrow, then it's almost like being altruistic to an entirely different individual. Of course, each day I have memories of my previous days, so life feels continuous and I have the same experience of thinking I have a soul that everyone else has. So this is more of a thought experiment than anything else. The point is that some day, I may cease to boot entirely, and why shouldn't that be OK? In that sense, death might hardly be any different than sleep. (I *am* holding out some hope that through medicine and computers that individuals might some day choose to live indefinitely; if we are just complex programs booting day after day, then I don't see why I should be opposed to having my neural processes continue in a mechanical computer rather than a biological one).
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#37 Jadbgjoka

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 10:47 AM

Xmark: I serious teared up at work when I read your post dude, I'm glad I could help. I enjoyed hearing your perspective, it helped me look at some of my own beliefs and ideas in a new light.

Rize & JTK: Tread carefully fellows, there's a seperate thread for that sort of thing.

As far as this thread is concerned....I can really relate to the very first post. Aside from shizz0rs and a mighty few in Fredericton land, I can be downright apathetic. Even my good friends in the city I barely make strides to actively hang out with. It just doesn't occur to me to call peeps up, I just kcik back, read, game, guitar. I don't like that it is all I seem to be interested in and sometimes it bothers me.

I'm trying to be more productive. I think that will help.

I've let some things pile up a lot....maybe I am unconciously dealing with my uncertainties by withdawing...
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#38 the Wozz

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 10:58 AM

GO SEE A THERAPIST AND FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT.


This can be expensive if you don't have insurance that covers it. Not an option for everybody.

both of you are right.

1. Therapy can be very helpful.
2. Therapy can be very expensive. I know. I worked in a therapist's office for 3 years.
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#39 TheoConfidor

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 11:03 AM

I've been struggling with depression, emotional mood swings and stuff since December, and I can definitely say that it's not fun. I think the important thing to realize is that emotions are merely symptoms, not problems in themselves. The way my counselor described it was that emotions are like the dashboard in your car. When a warning light shows up, the solution isn't to unplug the dashboard, or try to fix the light, its merely a symptom that something about the car needs to be fixed. Negative emotions are like that. Sometimes depression or sadness can feel like hell on earth, it can leave you in internal anguish for minutes, hours or even days at a time. Therefore, when you feel depressed, the thing that needs to focused on is the source of the depression, not the depression itself. The solution is to decide how to respond to those emotions. Once the source of the problem(s) is/are dealt with, the emotions will go away and be replaced by (hopefully) joy and excitement again.

Since depression can be caused by different things, it's imperative to learn how different things affect you. For example, I am more inclined to feel sad and depressed when I'm tired, compared to when I'm well-rested. Negative emotions overtake me more easily when I'm am overly busy, and less often when I have time for myself. When I have entertain thoughts that I have no real control over my life, despair begins to set in, but when I recognize that I do have a lot of power and control over who I am, and how I perceive things, then I feel more hopeful.

I still haven't figured out everything about emotions, since for years, I dissociated from them, but I am learning, little by little, and even just knowing what thoughts or activities affect me, has helped me tremendously. I'm still far from healthy, but overall, I feel much better than I did in Decemeber/January.

P.S. Sometimes even your environment can cause you to feel depressed. Having a job that is draining or negative, or living an unfulfilling life can also can much discouragement. My girlfriend is going through some of that right now.
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#40 mig50

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 11:14 AM

ok, so...now that i'm not overly tipsy, perhaps i should write up a less condescending post.

it seems to me that there are a lot of people on this board that are in need of some professional help with their issues. i certainly don't agree that throwing pills at the issues is a correct resolution (as alluded to in the first post), but that's not what therapy is about.

yes, its good to be able to relate to people with the same problems on internet forums, and much of the time people have good advice to offer. however, this isn't really solving the issue for most people. commiseration may be good for a temporary fix, but i can't really see it becoming a solution (this is especially true in extreme cases like JKT).

yes, therapy can be expensive, and yes, finding a trustworthy, effective therapist can be risky. however, when it comes to something like this, it really shouldn't matter. getting your head on straight and getting life back to (or a lot closer to) normal should take top priority over everything else.

personally, i ignored my problems for years and relied on friends to vent my frustrations. while this helped immensely to get me through some tough times, the problems always came back (and were usually worse each time). i finally got my shit together, called a therapist and spent a few weeks going to sessions.

i was able to get things figured out within a couple months. i consider myself lucky, because i know that certainly isn't the case for a lot of people. you may not be as lucky as me, and therapy may end up being more costly and time-consuming, but its certainly a step in the right direction.

do yourself a favor and do some research (this isn't just going toward JKT, its going toward everyone here with issue), and find a therapist that seems reliable and that you can afford.

you've got to take the first step though. no one can help you until you decide to help yourself (not even the sages at THESHIZZ.ORG).

ok...so i think this post actually came off more condescending than the last one.
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#41 Disposable Hero

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 11:21 AM

you've got to take the first step though. no one can help you until you decide to help yourself (not even the sages at THESHIZZ.ORG).

ok...so i think this post actually came off more condescending than the last one.


The first point is the most true statement in this thread. And while we are all friends here and are here to support each other, there has to be a conscience effort made by the individual to get yourself out of the rut we all are in at some point in our lives. I think talking with friends is the first step. But the journey has just begun. I never got help with my issues as a very young adult (age 19-22 or so), and it ended up setting me back years in my overall development because I was trying to figure shit out on my own. I think what everyone is saying about getting some professional help is that we are not always equipped to deal with these things on our own. And pills are certainly not the answer, but getting a non-biased objective opinion from a third party can help. I don't think you came across as condescending at all Mig, that was a great post IMO.

EDIT: Theo, that was an awesome post dude. Srsly.
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#42 weener

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:12 PM

I was pretty seriously depressed and fairly suicidal for many years of my life, but that was entirely due to my circumstances (i.e. having an abusive alcoholic father, a brother who sometimes bullied me, and a mom who did nothing to protect us from this man). I never made any actual moves toward suicide (I thought it was a quitter's way out, and I so despised my father that I didn't want him to "win"), but death was a comforting thought rather than a fear and I sincerely wished a truck would jump the median and kill me on the way to school.

I was smart enough to realize that my circumstances were not my fault, and I am sure I would have been much more miserable if I had blamed myself for my problems. Instead, I turned it into a joke and regaled my friends at school with tales of the latest crazy thing my drunken father had said or done. I think this is what saved me. The stories were very popular with my friends, and they would ask me to re-tell certain ones that were especially comical. As soon as I could stop crying after an incident with my father, I was thinking about how I would word it to my friends the next day.

Once I was removed from that situation, it was like I had been reborn a different person, and the depression and hope for death went away. I now have fun job, a great boyfriend, a nice place to live, and a polite relationship with the mother who eventually stepped up to remove herself and me from that horrible life.

However, one lasting effect of growing up that way is that I do not fear death. It's a bad way to go about it, XMark, but if you were in such a bad situation that the thought of death was a comfort, you would probably not be afraid of it after that.
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#43 thrillhouse

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:27 PM

A healthy lifestyle goes a long way. Fast food will destroy your body and mind. Start eating living organisms. If you get paranoid when you smoke weed, or if your problem gets amplified, don't do it in public...at least. I know soooo many people that can't deal with socializing when they're high.

I think to a small extent, we all have uncomfortable moments when out and about. It's a part of life. Don't let these small insignificant moments run a tornado in your mind. It's all about how you perceive. Being positive is the only thing left when you've been everything else.

yeah so, pretty vague, i know. But good luck with everything. I still have a ton of shit to figure out, but it wouldn't be fun if I didn't . All about the journey, fellas.

I'm sure most of what I said has already been said in this thread alone. Oh well.
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#44 JKT

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:37 PM

Well, I'm not a huge fan of being called an extreme case but thanks for your advice anyway Mig. Even if I wanted to go that route, there's no way I can afford therapy right now. I've been involved in family therapy centered around some issues particularly between my brother and my father, and based on that experience I don't entirely trust therapists. I mean the faster they cure you, the sooner you stop paying them exhorbitant amounts of money; so I think they're at least partially inclined to draw the treatment out(as is the case with several people I know struggling with anything from serious pornography addiction to spousal issues).
However, part of my hesitancy is because I don't like feeling I'm a victim of my circumstances. I think the main point is that I feel like I could change a lot of things on my own with a few simple steps, and sometimes i have to share my thoughts and be confronted by them in order to motivate that change. I think this is the reason drug addicts are often encouraged to keep journals.

Jad: you make a good point my friend. There's actually several threads on the topic, but some things Xmark said really resonated with me, especially after debating about euthanasia in one of my courses. We'll try to stay on point.
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#45 bucky

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 12:38 PM

I have depression and other social issues.

But that's just because I'm fat. I'm going to fix that... again.

:( Don't feel down. I think you're awesome and the most excellent dude. And I'm not just saying that, I mean it.
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