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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#4531 atomic-guy

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 04:52 PM

So for about three years now I've been teaching group music classes for kids (little kids - babies through 5yo. - "mommy and me" style). I just heard that a 2yo boy from one of my classes is on life support and not likely to recover. He apparently had a seizure (the afternoon after my last class with him, no less) and then his organs began shutting down. His family has been with me for awhile and I'm having a hard time processing this. It feels like there's something I should be able to do, but I don't know what. I suppose the reality is there's nothing I actually can do. And the class he's in is such a friendly, loving group - I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this for them, as well.
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and maybe even bring your lovable friend ratboy. or evilsonic, whatever his name is.


#4532 evilsonic

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 05:11 PM

So for about three years now I've been teaching group music classes for kids (little kids - babies through 5yo. - "mommy and me" style). I just heard that a 2yo boy from one of my classes is on life support and not likely to recover. He apparently had a seizure (the afternoon after my last class with him, no less) and then his organs began shutting down. His family has been with me for awhile and I'm having a hard time processing this. It feels like there's something I should be able to do, but I don't know what. I suppose the reality is there's nothing I actually can do. And the class he's in is such a friendly, loving group - I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this for them, as well.

I hope this doesn’t sound cheesy, but you all have this shared connection with music... maybe that can be your way to share/celebrate/inspire. For what it’s worth (and this is immediate, unthought through reaction), reading your post made me think of “Here Comes the Sun.”

None of this is really a definitive solution, just grasping at straws to find comfort for something where there’s no comfort to be had.
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#4533 evilsonic

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 05:14 PM

Sorry for double post... tell his family what their relationship has meant to you. I’ve had a lot of conversations with people and families about loss, and just letting them know that this means something to you will bring something positive to them.
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#4534 atomic-guy

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Posted 11 March 2019 - 05:56 PM

I suppose I should update. He passed away sometime on Saturday. We don't have further details right now, but there's still a lot to process. His seizure was the afternoon after our last class, which means that was one of his last experiences. And of course class still goes on this week. My boss and I emailed the other families to let them know ahead of time. We'll both be there for support as needed, but for the sake of the other kids class itself has to be as "normal" as possible. Most of them are too young to really process this sort of thing, at least in a large group setting. It's all so devastating.
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and maybe even bring your lovable friend ratboy. or evilsonic, whatever his name is.


#4535 evilsonic

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Posted 12 March 2019 - 02:32 AM

I’m so sorry, Brian.
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#4536 KarlGerm

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Posted 12 March 2019 - 08:15 AM

oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear that. that is so heart breaking. I agree that letting the family know what their relationship has meant to you is a good idea. My Dad lived a life of thinking everyone in the world outside of our family hated him. his funeral was packed and ran all night. we had so many people who we hadn't even met from his days as a postman who came up to us to tell us how much he meant to them and how great of a person he was. that gave us a lot of comfort and I think letting people know how their life has been influenced by someone else, even after their gone, can do a lot of good and bring some much needed positivity in the darkest times imaginable.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I wish there was something I could do or say beyond that, but there are no words for this sort of thing.


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#4537 Smeg

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:47 PM

Been a couple of months now since I finished school and moved to a state in a different region of the country. Still haven't found work or made many local connections, and my social anxiety is ramping up the longer I stay cooped up at home. I reckon that's not an uncommon problem for folks of a nerdier persuasion, so does anyone here have any pointers for getting over it enough to return phone calls and talk to strangers like a normal human being?


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#4538 nEwT

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 03:43 PM

My advice would be "don't be afraid of fucking things up". You need to fail in order to learn and improve.
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Kain, only you can mention your mother's death and your new awesome MMX NES rom hack in one post... so condolences :( and high five :o


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#4539 Smeg

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Posted 15 March 2019 - 01:06 PM

I mean thanks, but the defining quality of irrational anxiety is that you can't rationalize it away


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#4540 Jadbgjoka

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Posted 15 March 2019 - 02:11 PM

You won't rationalize it away, but depending on your sort of history with it, the anxiety will sort of drift off over time as you regain experience in those situations. Sometimes it's the buildi g up of the idea of failure that gives anxiety its power, and to actually fail may lessen it. Rhat is an after the fact solution, even in the most ootimistic scenarios.

My go-tos for pre-encounter fixes are:

Gym/running/cardio. The high from a workout usually gets me loose enough to chat to strangers in situations I otherwise wouldn't.

Attending classes (I know, money can be an issue, bit as your circumstances improve this is an oppertunity to develop life skills). Choose a class with some sort of participation, because you won't be the only one feeling at odds, and that shared discomfort really greases the wheels for everyone getting along to feel secure again.

Pick up sports, ultimate frisbee teams, etc. The whole point is to meet people, so others are looking forward to excelling at the process.


People generally like feeling socialable and worth someone elses time. Know when not to cling to a conversation topic and allow people to move on naturally (volunteer lines like "you probably need to get going" if you're not sure how to read the flow, it is a polite out)

Sorry if any of this is missing the mark to what your after. You do well around here, so surely you've got a few decent chats in you. The "new to town" thing opens you up for all kinds of conversations and recommendations.

Best luck! You're great! "DOOOO IIIIIIIT"
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#4541 Demonstray

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Posted 16 March 2019 - 01:05 AM

chimonstray has generalized anxiety, which is the only form of anxiety that is neither caused by anything, nor treatable with healthy and constructive self-talk. All other forms of anxiety are treatable (never curable as there is no such thing as a genuine cure for anxiety or depression, just like with any other mental illness) with a balance of either talk therapy or corrected self-talk and medication.

Irrational anxiety is not caused rationally but is treated with rationality, like all other forms of anxiety with the one exception. That is, according to the DSM-5 wherein my therapist gets her information, the biggest factor in approaching the treatment of irrational vs generalized anxiety.

I beat my social anxiety in an unconventional way: being forced into a job interview by my best friend at the time, and finding out that it was at a family fitness & sports facility, which in turned forced me to work so heavily on my customer service and conversation skills that I got a compliment within my first year working there for being "charming" by an elderly lady. And whose opinion besides old ladies' should one truly trust about charm?
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.


#4542 Demonstray

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Posted Yesterday, 03:16 PM

Sorry for double post.

Our oldest cat, Luci (short for Lucifer after her demonic temperament when she was adopted at 7 weeks old), passed away just over 6 hours ago.

She was a domesticated feral, born under a barn, and it took her a long time to be okay with humans. It was another solid couple of years before she was okay with seeing me within a few metres of her. I took a video on my old cell phone of the first time she demonstrated an interest in following me down a hallway.

Before we adopted our maine coon/persian tuxedo cross, Mamo (short for Mamoru Chiba, the Japanese name for Tuxedo Mask's alter ego in Sailor Moon), she had a "big sister" figure that chimonstray had adopted even before Luci, named Isis. Isis only lived to be 8 years old due to a big spread of pancreatic, liver, gall bladder, and kidney cancer that culminated in 2016. Luci was somewhat lethargic for a while because of how much she clearly missed Isis, but once we adopted Mamo not long after, she just spent all her time fending him off because he wanted so badly to be best friends and came across very aggressively with how often he wanted to play.

Every 6-12 months thereafter (since February 2017), Luci has had trouble breathing properly and has received a different diagnosis. 2017: Acute pancreatitis. February 2018: Bronchitis. September 2018: Asthma.

In late December, 2018, we adopted Pearl from a local pet store because she is 1 year old, hadn't lived with people yet, and was just about to be subjected to a flawed system in which a rescued cat is bounced between pet stores within a city, then moved to a new city. The same thing would have happened to Mamo if we hadn't adopted him. We applied for Pearl and harassed the shelter until they agreed. Pearl and Luci didn't get along, but they had an agreement not to bother each other. Mamo hasn't been so lucky; Pearl hates his guts and he gets scratches all over when he gets too close to her.

Probably 4 or 5 days ago, Luci and Mamo were playing and chasing each other in the living room. She sought him out on our bed to get herself licked clean quite often (she loved it when he scratched the inside of her ear with his teeth; he is very thorough about bathing). Nothing was wrong.

Then a few days ago she started being too tired to walk around much, and her breathing was rapid, shallow, and crackly. Brought her to our regular vet on March 22nd, who prescribed her a bunch of stuff like oral steroids and bronchodilators (she was already on an inhaler for the past several months). "Go to the 24 hour emergency pet hospital tonight if there are no major improvements." Did that around 8 p.m., knowing we would have to leave her at least overnight in an oxygen tent. We certainly did. Then came March 23rd, 2019: They began to suspect heart disease. Later that same day: Cancer or pneumonia. With no treatment available for cancer, she was immediately put on a cocktail of antibiotics to attempt to treat her for pneumonia.

It was cancer.

The emergency vet called this morning just before 8 a.m. to tell us that Luci wasn't doing so well. She was open-mouth breathing, and that meant she would be in critical condition soon. When I woke up after 8:30 just from some stomach problems, I checked my voicemail and rejoined chimonstray in the bedroom to discuss. Then she got the call that Luci's condition was officially critical, and that they were preparing to administer CPR with her permission, which she gave. Less than 5% of cats survive CPR, but any chance that she could survive was better than none. She didn't survive, and we got there between 5 and 10 minutes too late.

We are devastated. She was so perfect; she had no interest in doing anything that would worry, scare, or annoy us. She only ever wanted to cuddle, sit or sleep silently nearby, and periodically meow adorably for attention or tap water. Sometimes when she cuddled, she wanted to sit or lay down on our chests, stomachs, or if we were laying on our stomachs, she would even loaf on our backs.

I bawled my eyes out for the entire hour we stayed at the vet's office this morning. I need some fucking Mamo snuggles, for sure. I miss Luci so badly. I was supposed to work at 2 p.m. today but I called in at about 10:45 and they told me they'd take care of it, so that's at least good.

As chimonstray put it earlier, "I know people who have had cats live up to 20 years. Why can't I have any live past 10?"
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.


#4543 raubhimself

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Posted Yesterday, 05:50 PM

Sorry to hear that dude. I can't imagine how hard that was to deal with :(


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#4544 MegaMatt

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Posted Yesterday, 10:33 PM

That's awful, man. My cat Buddy is only 8 and he has kidney problems that haven't improved after several vet visits and a myriad of different meds. Thinking about his mortality is a huge source of anxiety for me and the only thing I know to do is shower him with affection.
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 Hooky fuck I picked a great taco Bell. The woman at the front of the line is painstakingly asking every price, she just ordered a cheesy horror crunch with just cheese and sorcery nothing else, Questor with just beef nothing else, one soft Teddi with 3x cheese, double sour Satan, nothing else. Quivering now the man behind her orders a taxi BVSc to Yusuf Khan, two tweaks with dignity Leuven and no beef??? And a cheesy fissure crunch with extra extra Chertsey and chickenpox nothing else. Fucking hell people it's taco vein not your last meal on earth


#4545 Demonstray

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Posted Yesterday, 11:12 PM

Thanks so much, guys. I also feel a strange conflict between how sad I feel, and how privileged I feel with chimonstray's parents as my in-laws. They have told us not to worry about the vet bills or rent at all until either of us can afford them, which I certainly can't on my meager wages (though if I can finally stay stable after increasing my hours again, I should be back on my feet soon and able to pay them back in some way). As a result, I took charge at the vet's office and asked them to print out a detailed quotation authorizing every conceivable effort to keep her alive if there was a chance that she could live comfortably again. Because we never knew for sure what was causing her decline until the very end, we gave them permission to do CPR just in case there was something that could still be done, and they did their absolute best. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart before leaving.

Folks, give pet insurance some serious consideration and think about annual or even semi-annual x-rays and blood panels. I've learned that those could be the difference between absolute devastation and either some form of consolation, or an extended lifespan for your pet.

Matt, that's so awful and I'm so sorry. Isis had urinary crystals that caused her immense pain before she passed, and I still have thoughts about how I failed her by assuming she was just peeing on things out of an old habit. I'm glad to know that you've at least identified the kidney problems, but I sincerely hope that Buddy can live more comfortably soon with whatever help the vet can conjure up. I wish pets were easier to care for with illnesses like these. :( Give all my best to Buddy!!!
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You don't see me going to ice cream socials and not eating ice cream and socializing.




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