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Depression And Other Social Issues


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#4696 Maiko

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Posted 10 October 2019 - 10:54 PM

I don't like anything about myself anymore


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#4697 armor

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 04:05 PM

At times I've felt that I'm my least favourite person, because I know my entire history of failures, aborted dreams, stupid comments, sins of omission and on and on.... 
We can be our own harshest critics, I've never you met IRL Maiko but I'm sure you don't need to feel that way. I hope it helps to hear that.


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#4698 kareshi

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 04:12 PM

I think you're awesome and talented and I bet lots of others do too. Hang in there !
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#4699 Demonstray

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 06:04 PM

Just wanna chime in and say I also think you are great, Maiko. That's not to invalidate your feelings; just to remind you that we care about you and hope that your brain allows you to care about yourself too. Please continue to reach out when things get difficult!

I myself am experiencing apocalyptic thoughts and predictions of my future. Gonna be a dad by the end of January, and while there's a lot of excitement to be had about it, I also keep replaying sad scenarios in my head about having to explain why daddy is such a loser/failure and so lazy all the time. Why everything without exception gotta be so overwhelming all the time?
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#4700 Leonidus

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 07:34 PM

Armor man I remember from an early magfest you being super cool so maybe don't worry so much.  There's plenty of shitbags who don't think anything about themselves, I guarantee you're way better then all those dudes you know?  Rock on, my shizz brother.


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#4701 weener

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 08:07 PM

Maiko, I agree that there is so much to like about you.
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#4702 MegaMatt

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 09:11 PM

The house I'm renting is a dump and the landlord won't fix anything. My financial buffer has been depleting rapidly thanks to medical bills and missed work. I keep putting off things I need to do. I've tried my fucking hardest to be positive and optimistic but I can't keep that up.

 

I wanted to own a house by now, but looking at prices for homes is extremely discouraging. I've been floating the idea of selling off my video game + music collection in order to make a down payment on a house and avoid PMI. Just not sure if I could ever pull that trigger; tying my identity to my possessions is bad, but on the other hand I like having my stuff. It's yet another case where I can't make a clear decision, so I sit here and do nothing instead. I hate my shitty do-nothing attitude and my inability to cope with problems.


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#4703 mooniniteG

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Posted 12 October 2019 - 09:59 PM

I wanted to own a house by now, but looking at prices for homes is extremely discouraging. I've been floating the idea of selling off my video game + music collection in order to make a down payment on a house and avoid PMI. Just not sure if I could ever pull that trigger; tying my identity to my possessions is bad, but on the other hand I like having my stuff.

 

PMI does indeed suck. Try to avoid it if possible; you'll just end up paying more every month and your lender usually isn't obligated to remove it even after you reach 20%+ equity. I had it on my condo. I eventually was able to refi and get rid of it, but you can't count on mortgage rates being decent in the future. I guess it's relative to the cost of renting though. If you're paying even a bit more on a mortgage with PMI than it would cost to rent, it's probably worth it. Especially since rents will go up in the future, but your mortgage won't.

 

There are other ways to make a mortgage work. You can get a place nicer than you could otherwise afford and have a roommate or two that pays you rent. Sure it's not ideal, but I've seen people make it work. The roommates don't have to be there for the rest of your life. You can also buy a house with a layout that works with roommates in mind (e.g. bedrooms far apart, separate bathrooms).

 

I haven't faced selling off any of my collection, but I've seen lots of people online go through it and end up okay. I also don't have the size of your collection. Keep your original hardware and invest in everdrives/flashcarts (which you already have, I think). Decide what systems you want to keep all the games for (e.g. boxed NES collection), any other games that hold sentimental value, and estimate out what you could sell the rest for. Selling a large volume of games is also a part-time job. Figure out what's worth your time to sell on eBay or elsewhere online (e.g. expensive, in-demand games). Take high volumes of cheap games to local game stores and offload. You'll get less on those games than you could online, but you don't want to spend your life selling trying to get an extra $3 for a copy of Madden '95. Most importantly, don't rush. You don't have to make a decision now, and it's okay if you decide to not sell anything if keeping them makes you happier. Ideally we'd all be enlightened beings content with just the bare necessities, but we're human and that's not realistic.

 

Lastly, I'm just one person so don't take my 2 cents as any kind of authority. Get input and feedback from others you trust.


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#4704 brodan

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Posted 13 October 2019 - 12:53 PM

this has been arguably been the worst month of my life but i dont have the capacity to post about it in depth right now. im sorry in advance for anyone who's hit me up and ive just completely ignored or been really really slow to get back to. i'll make a post about it once im in a better place but it feels like it could be a while


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#4705 Smeg

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Posted 13 October 2019 - 04:17 PM

I don't like anything about myself anymore


Maiko I don't know you but I know your work. It brings joy to this world so I think that's something about you worth liking.
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#4706 Maiko

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Posted 14 October 2019 - 04:14 AM

Thanks everyone, sorry if it felt like I was vying for sympathy. I have another psych appointment on Wednesday. I miss being happy and liking myself, but I'm glad you guys don't see me as this terrible piece of shit that I see myself as. I'm really grateful for my shizz fam.
I've been crying in secret a lot nowadays, I just don't know what to do or if things will get better but I'll try my best.

If anyone wants to talk feel free to hit me up on here or fb or on my phone, lemme know if you want my number.

Sorry if I'm being weird, I just feel really lost.
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#4707 Sindra

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Posted 14 October 2019 - 05:11 AM

Sorry if I'm being weird, I just feel really lost.

 

You're not being weird, or no weirder than a lot of the rest of us. I do believe things will get better, but that it's likely going to continue to be a lot of ups and downs. From what I know, you're doing pretty okay for yourself right now in terms of handling life and moving forward, even if it might not feel that way to you, so don't beat yourself up by thinking your a piece of shit for feeling down about things. It's a rollercoster for all of us. I'm around to talk if you ever need it. <3

 

 

 

The house I'm renting is a dump and the landlord won't fix anything. My financial buffer has been depleting rapidly thanks to medical bills and missed work. I keep putting off things I need to do. I've tried my fucking hardest to be positive and optimistic but I can't keep that up.

 

I wanted to own a house by now, but looking at prices for homes is extremely discouraging. I've been floating the idea of selling off my video game + music collection in order to make a down payment on a house and avoid PMI. Just not sure if I could ever pull that trigger; tying my identity to my possessions is bad, but on the other hand I like having my stuff. It's yet another case where I can't make a clear decision, so I sit here and do nothing instead. I hate my shitty do-nothing attitude and my inability to cope with problems.

 

I just started looking at houses because I'm fucking done renting at my current place (I need more space and my landlady is a super flake) and renting something bigger is going to end up being as or more expensive than a mortgage payment for a similar place so I might as well start building equity. I will have to pay PMI just due to not having quite enough of a downpayment but honestly I figure if I can refinance in a few years and wipe that out I'll likely still be coming out of it better than continuing to rent. So, I know what you're talking about. It's kind of a strategy play you have to try planning out.

 

I'm nervous as fuck about it in my situation mind you, because it's been drilled into our generation's heads that owning a house is this huge adult milestone and it's such a large amount of money, and also because the market for buyers is pretty rabid right now (at least where I'm at) and I feel pressure to jump on something quickly lest I kick myself later for not trying to jump on something. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing and feel like I'm flying a bit blind.

 

I wouldn't advise compromising your comfort to the point of selling away things like your game collection that you've put so much time into, though. That's not so much your identity as it's an achievement in your life and one to be proud of.


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I'm imagining Ellis writing the script to this at a computer, and every time he gets to the end of a line about religion being bad he smacks his fedora to tip it, making the sounds of a typewriter being reset.

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#4708 raubhimself

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Posted 14 October 2019 - 09:21 AM

Getting 20% for a down payment seems damn near impossible and I honestly wouldn't even worry about it. There are many programs that let you pay much, much less. I had to pay 1% down. The cost of housing keeps going up while wages and salaries stay stagnant. Compound that with student loans, car loans, every other loan we are "supposed" to get, and there's no way to just come up with a quick $20k+ in savings. You're also "supposed" to have several months of savings banked in case of an emergency, and a down payment can wipe that out instantly. You also have to be prepared to shell out money for house stuff that comes up, and not paying a huge down payment can let you be more prepared for stuff like that.

 

Housing sucks ass whether you're a renter or an owner, but at least as an owner you're not relying on someone else to make things happen. And it can feel good to make improvements and stuff.


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#4709 Papahoodwinker

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Posted 14 October 2019 - 01:00 PM

Very very very very very very very difficult mental day. I feel crazy and what was a good weekend has devolved into me not being able to be positive in the slightest and just really wanting to be home with my family, but also sad at that because it means I want to be near them but curled into a ball and eventually dissipate out of existence. I hate my brain. 


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#4710 Guy In Rubber Suit

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Posted 14 October 2019 - 01:41 PM

If you're a first time homeowner you can apply for a FHA loan which means you only need 3% down (I think some other things too). That's what I did for the house. Granted this was also when the market bottomed out so I lucked out there. 

As for selling the collection, I'm facing that dilemma myself. Basically, I won't sell anything that holds a special meaning for me (Earthbound, Ocarina of Time, etc) but I will sell off the majority of my collection. The reasons being is that  a) I don't play my collection much anyways B) emulation is so good now that I can play those games any time elsewhere c) I can get something like an EverDrive to keep the original hardware thing going d) they're just material goods that I can repurchase e) I can make physical repos like with cases or something if I really miss the physical aspect of it. I haven't sold it off just yet because I have been getting help from family members (lucky and thankful there).

I feel like I'm in a bit of a crunch as my current job doesn't always fully pay the bills. And I hope I'm doing right in raising my son even though it doesn't always feel that way.


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