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The Shizz 500 Games of Time

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#16 Tina

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 03:33 PM

 491. Jurassic Park

(1993, SNES)

Jurassic Park was a very popular movie that came out in 1993. Jurassic Park on Super Nintendo was a not as popular video game that also came out in 1993. I got a Super Nintendo the same year, and the only game I had was Super Mario All-Stars, which I got for free from a promotion Nintendo was doing. Christmas of 1993, I wanted another SNES game, and since I liked Jurassic Park, the movie, I was given Jurassic Park, the Super Nintendo game. I was excited at first, as I was welcomed to Jurassic Park and encountered many varieties of dinosaurs. However, I had no idea where to go or what to do. The game also features no save feature nor passwords, but it does feature Dolby Surround Sound. Too bad I only had a TV with RF input. Since the Visitor Center is near the starting point of the game, I would often wander the building. They say that "Ocean's exclusive REAL 3-D graphics will have you screaming... for more", but they were too REAL for me. Dinosaurs would attack me from behind, with the screen flashing red, and it'd startle and scare the crap out of me every time. I quietly wanted less, so I went back to replaying Super Mario All-Stars. I always felt guilty for barely playing the game, knowing my mom must've spent $70, in 1993 dollars, on it. I got over this guilt enough to consider selling it in 1999, but I was offered $6 for it, and then I felt guilty again. I kept the game. In 2013, I thought "I'm going to finally beat Jurassic Park on Super Nintendo!" With the Nintendo Power coverage and some maps I got online, I cleared the game. I felt accomplished. I had conquered my childhood fears. I did it for you, Mom.

 


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#17 Arm Cannon

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 04:13 PM

490. Dragon Warrior/Quest
(1986, Famicom - 1989, NES)
Ahh, a frustrating classic. With art by Dragonball artist Akira Toriyama and music by the classically trained Koichi Sugiyama, this title was born to make history. This game paved the way for one of the definitive genres of games, the RPG. It’s successors, both directly and indirectly, are some of the greatest games ever made.

Clunky and repetitive by today’s standard RPG, yet just nuanced enough to capture your attention for hours. It defined a formula that would go on to be perfected in the years after. I love that I could play a Dragon Quest game from this year, and still recognize dozens of things from the original back in 1986-89, truly the AC/DC of videogames.

Many in America received the game for free along with a subscription to Nintendo Power, a brilliant marketing decision. I’d pore over the maps and item descriptions, really fleshing out the simple world of Alefgard. It was also the first game to introduce me to the concept of a “soft reset”, in order to keep the data on the battery backed up cart safe. I actually quit the game for several years due to a corrupted save, the loss was devastating.

I’d like to point out the olde English text in this game really helped expand my language and vocabulary skills as a kid!

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#18 Robby V

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 05:30 PM

489. Championship Motocross - featuring Ricky Carmichael (Playstation, 1999)

 

I haven't played this game. One time I had to get a birthday present for a childhood friend, I guess I would have been like 11 at the time. I went to a toys r us and this game was like $10 or something and at the time the idea of having a friend give you a dang Playstation game in a time when that was a serious investment was insane to me. I went for it, because I was a trashy kid that spent a lot of time on dirt bikes. Anyway I gave it to the kid and he probably hated it, assuming he ever played it. His parents were artsy, they would have weird hair or lack of hair, weird earrings. They probably hated dirtbikes. Fuck that.

 


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#19 kareshi

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 08:11 PM

488. SimCopter
(1996, Windows. Planned to be on the N64 disc drive add-on but cancelled. RIP.)
 
I love this game. Love it, love it, love it. I have never been able to share my love or mad flying skills because the only computer that can stream is too new to run it. This is a game that didn't get good reviews, its release was rushed and it shows. But idgaf.
 
I asked my dad to get this for my for my birthday, I had a 386SX at the time which couldn't even run the game. When we upgraded to a 486 and it finally worked, I lived in this game. I know the first stage, Islandtown, better than the town I lived in at the time. I can draw it from memory right now. Anyway, the game lets you fly missions in a helicopter, the flying physics are pretty great once you get a good hang of the controls (esp. strafing.) The basic stuff you have to do is transport injured people to the hospital, clear traffic jams with your megaphone, and assist police and fire trucks in their routes through the city. When you have a more advanced helicopter, you can put out fires yourself with a water cannon, rescue people stranded on their capsized boats or burning buildings, or even off moving trains before they explode. All that stuff was pretty hot to me.
 
Glitches and oddities, oh there are many. First thing you notice is that walking physics are basically the same as the flying physics and really awkward. You have to immediately set the "fog" to 'far away' or else your range of vision is too reduced, and you have to press 'n' to see where people you're transportings actually want to go, which isn't anywhere in the longass manual. People you need to rescue can be spawned on the side of a building instead of the roof, and can be literally impossible to rescue (and you get penalized for letting them burn up.) I never held these problems against the game designers, as a mid-teen I just accepted it for how the game was and appreciated all the fun parts instead (entitled kids listen up.)
 
A lot of small things added up to loving it. I could make a city in the SimCity 2000 designer and import it, which was another game I spent countless hours with before getting to SimCopter. So I already had favorite aspects of SC2K I could carry over into the new game. The helicopter's radio has funny, creative ads and news reports, and a classical station that featured Vivaldi and Beethoven piano sonatas. They were in .wav format, so at some point I ripped Diary of a Madman as .wavs and burned a new SimCopter CD with that as a radio station (flying high again.) Huge assortment of easy to use cheat codes for infinite gas and armor, hyper speed, free helicopters and so on. 
 
One programming oversight that I enjoyed on occasion was the fact that you lost points for doing bad things, but you couldn't go negative. So you could start a city (with zero points,) fly to a kids' baseball game, throw tear gas on the field, "lose" points, then fly the injured to the hospital and end up ahead. Another fun discovery was: I was tired of chasing a criminal fleeing on foot while the police were slow to arrive, so I landed on the criminal, killed him, but got full credit for the arrest assist. It became my go-to strategy for criminal rundowns. You can steal an Apache helicopter from a military base (or add a cheat code to get it easier.) It has guns and missiles, but (uniquely) no seating room for passengers. So you can lower a harness, pick someone up, but if you retract the harness, they just fall to their death (with an excellent falling person scream sound effect.) The Apache is no good for some missions, but you can stop a speeder by shooting a bullet at their car, and you're allowed to shoot any fleeing criminal and be rewarded for it. The human graphics are so bad you can't take any of it too seriously. It's also the only helicopter that can shoot down a UFO that can appear. If you shoot a building with missiles, well you lose a lot of points and the fire spreads, so don't do that.
 
As a retired speedrunner, my only regret is that I could never properly speedrun SimCopter. If technology allows, this is the game I'd come out of retirement for.
 


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Reading: "Don Quixote" by Cervantes

#20 DiscountBabyJam Mike

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 09:15 PM

487. Iggy's Reckin' Balls

(1998, N64)

 

One the best and most unique racing games ever published in video game history. Single player. 4 player multiplayer. I never owned it but upon the first rental it owned my heart, brain, soul, skin, skeleton and four humors. Every track is round. Circular. In a 360. But also vertical, like a slinky. Combined with weapons on the tracks, as well as frantically spammed grappling hooks to traverse up and down the cylinders, the high impact, crucial octane, envelope licking speed and excitement is something to behold. Does this have the polish or pure track racing caliber of Snowboard Kids or Beetle Adventure Racing? Absolutely not. Can you play as a set of teeth, or an angry Sol? Oh hell yeah yes. The unique "BALLS" characters combined with a pumping techno soundtrack only serves to absolutely solidify this game's place on a list.

 


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rushing into a Success nest

 

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#21 Ivan Hakštok

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 02:11 AM

486. Sheep, Dog 'n' Wolf (a.k.a. Looney Tunes: Sheep Raider)

(2001, PC, PSX)

 

What do you get when you combine Looney Tunes, a stealth game, a puzzle game and a platformer? You get this piece of awesomeness. I played this game almost 15 years ago and I loved it, but due to an unfortunate accident, my game CD got broken and I never finished it. The premise is simple: you're some wolf guy who is totally Wile E. Coyote except he isn't (I think he's called Ralph the Wolf), and you need to steal sheep guarded by a dog. You steal them using a combination of stealth, platforming and all sorts of ridiculous gadgets (for example rubber bands to catapult yourself over chasms). If the dog sees you, you can try to outrun him but if he catches you, you restart the level. Something I also discovered years after I played it is that the soundtrack is full of great jazzy goodness.

 


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#22 Shoe

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 08:28 AM

485. Jurassic Park

(1993, Sega Genesis/Mega Drive)

 

Go ahead and scroll down first, I'll wait. That's right, there are two videos, because in the Sega Genesis version, you can play as a God Damn Velociraptor. Go ahead and click play on the Dr. Grant one. Holy shit, a T-Rex just barked out Sega. Now it's eating a goddamn car, just like in the movie! Fuuuuuuuck!!! This is going to be the coolest game ever.

 

Sadly, it wasn't. The music was absolute ass farts, Dr. Grant handled like a petrified laboratory monkey, and being the amazing, badass raptor meant screen-length platforming jumps over into endless spike pits. Which is a shame, because Wikipedia tells me they went all out: Doug TenNapel (of Earthworm Jim and The Neverhood fame) was art director, they used an actual animatronic raptor from the movies for the sprite work, and utilized the special effects PCs for the movie to create many of the sprites, leading to the terrifying and hyper-detailed intro. 

 

But that intro was enough to get our group real revved up. At 10 years old, and on an all Sega Genesis cul-de-sac (it wasn't until a year after its release would our friend Eddie finally break the circle and get a N64), we were ready to tackle the game and see the goddamn T-Rex, because we were sick of owning and playing the same games. But we were absolutely terrible at it and died constantly, whether playing as Grant or the Raptor. So naturally, I brought my Game Genie over to Aaron's house, and we skipped to the last level for the raptor, where we heard you fought the T-Rex in the Visitor's Center. I have no idea if this is true or not - I don't have enough time to check the YouTube, and we never found out - the game seemed to glitch out with the level select cheats, and we were stuck in an empty center with no enemies or way out. We promptly shelved the game after that and returned to our regular rounds of seminal classic, Mortal Kombat.

 

Many months later, we decided to revisit it during a dry game spell. Eddie, easily the best gamer among us, was playing as Dr. Grant. He got all the way to the river raft level - we had never gotten that far before. And holy shit, there was the fucking T-Rex! We all lost our minds and started celebrating. He died to the T-Rex seconds later. 

 

 


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Wizwars, about the bush hogging. Just wet and part my man. Give that bush the Moses treatment and head for the Promised Land.

Whaaaaaaaaat.

#23 kareshi

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 08:45 AM

I loved that game too, played it inside & out. There was a cool debug mode.
Anyway, the raptor doesn’t get to fight the t. rex, actually neither does Dr Grant. Raptor’s final boss is Dr Grant, and you win by kicking down some skeleton bones to scare him away.
Dr Grant encounters the t. rex twice I think, but
both times you have to stun him and pass by.
I haven’t got far enough in Rampage Edition to see if it ended up better.
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Reading: "Don Quixote" by Cervantes

#24 Robby V

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 10:30 AM

I’ve said if a few times in different threads but Jurassic Park 2 The Lost World ornwhatever the proper title is on Genesis is an absolute gem and holds up to this day IMO, especially on 2 player. I don’t however feel that I can give it a proper write up that’d be appropriate for this thread

I’d say it’s in the top 10 or maybe 5 2-player genesis games
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#25 M-H

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 10:36 AM

484. Chex Quest
(1996, MS-DOS, PC)

I had the first two Chex Quest games. They were fun, bland, inoffensive DOOM conversion. Me and my little brother played the first one the most, though. Everybody's Chex shaped bodies in the intro still make me laugh. It's the shape you'll get if you eat too much Chex and play video games instead of exercise. #beenthere

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BANDCAMP - Featuring my newest release, Maiden Voyage a tribute to the Star Ocean games
SoundCloud
Operation British - My Gundam chiptune album @ Anime Remix

"You know BornInCrimson, guys, right? The guy who hosts, like, Dwelling of Duels? I was in there with him, and Master Hatchet, that guy kicks ass. He has like these metal arrangements. But anyways. I'm trying to say...uh...I was there with these guys, and uh..."


#26 Tina

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 10:51 AM

I prefer to Chexercise.


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#27 thecreeper

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Posted 12 December 2017 - 08:54 AM

483. WWF War Zone

(1998, Playstation/N64)

 

I think a lot of kids in a certain age group fall into the pro wrestling vortex for a little bit, and I certainly wasn't immune. In the early 90's, there was a year or so there where I caught every Monday Night Raw and got swept up in the soap opera style drama of men slamming men against various things. But that was then, and now it was 1998 and I'm buying Monster Magnet albums and getting mad at my parents, I just got my learners permit, I'm fat as hell working a job I hate, and I'm buying every Playstation game that gets a good rating in EGM. And lo, along came the hit Acclaim game, WWF War Zone, with character customization, character progression, and support for 4 players. I bought now and dumped hours upon hours into this game. The combat could best be described as, uh, slippery? It constantly felt mushy and unsatisfying, with punches being difficult to land and in general everyone seems to shuffle around in a weird state between free movement and fighting game stances. When you got a nice flow going, and could land some special moves, it was pretty nice, but often it just felt like men gripping and running into the ropes over and over again. But, despite a rough combat system, the game was a blast as a multiplayer shitshow, with 4 players running around inside and outside the ring and a pretty decent sized cast. And then there was the character customizer, which I believe was the first time in a game I'd ever seen that kind of customization. You could make all kinds of approximations of other licensed characters with all the options, as well as hilariously long skinny men or large fat potato men. Recently, some of us shizz men replayed this game, and yes it is just as much of a sorta bad, sorta amazing shitshow as it was back then. Enjoy this very fat purple man:

 

ZcCF_gKwBkANcYqcflOb1pibrizwRG7GOtPyLe8b

 

And the obligatory gameplay sample:

 


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I broke down and watched Showgirls. Can anyone help me.


#28 thecreeper

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Posted 12 December 2017 - 09:50 AM

 

 491. Jurassic Park

(1993, SNES)

Since the Visitor Center is near the starting point of the game, I would often wander the building. They say that "Ocean's exclusive REAL 3-D graphics will have you screaming... for more", but they were too REAL for me. Dinosaurs would attack me from behind, with the screen flashing red, and it'd startle and scare the crap out of me every time. 

 

god, yes, if someone else didn't mention this game, I was going to. The FPS sections scared the hell out of me for some reason. I'm not sure if it was just my relative unfamiliarity with the FPS genre or an actual sense of horror in tension in the game but i tried like hell to avoid the FPS sections all the time and just stay outside in the overhead sections. I just remember constantly getting swarmed by raptors biting my back and the screen flashing and being out of ammo. UGH


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I broke down and watched Showgirls. Can anyone help me.


#29 joe.distort

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Posted 12 December 2017 - 09:51 AM

lol that goddamn War Zone almost stopped me from hooking up with a co worker one time. some of us nerds were playing it at a party (there were many other people doing normal things like socializing and such) and a girl i worked with showed up (it was not expected, she wasnt really in that group of people) and i didnt think twice about it and just kept playing. she tried to talk to me while i was in a Serious Match or fuckin whatever and i was annoyed. when we were done she basically dragged me aside and was like 'i thought you were gonna play that stupid game all night' and things got way more interesting

 

i just realized this was nearly 20 years ago. yikes.

 

in closing, this game was fun enough at the time that it nearly ruined sexy teenage hijinks, 10/10


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(it involves satan disguising himself as a bird who unlocks police cars!)

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#30 Spookmeister C

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Posted 12 December 2017 - 09:55 AM

482. Freekstyle

(2002, Playstation2/Gamecube/GameBoyAdvance)

 

Back in my college days, I had a crush on a girl named Kira. She was a roommate of mine in the off campus housing and we would sometimes chat when crossing paths or eating food in the kitchen around the same time of day. When Kira found out about my shameful gaming habits she tried to relate and told me of a game she would play all the time called Freekstyle. "Yea that's what it was called, Freekstyle!", she exclaimed with a big stoner like grin on her freckled face. "I would play it with my sister all the time, it's awesome!". I remembered just nodding my head and saying "well that's cool".

 

Anyways flash forward a few weeks later and I'm wandering around the local game store when, sure enough, I spy with my little eye a used copy of Freekstyle (PS2) for only 3 bucks. Well, shit, how could I say no to that? This is a perfect opportunity to impress Kira and maybe get to spend more time with her. I brought the game back and remembered seeing her light up when I showed her. "Oh man, Freekstyle!", she proclaimed while laughing a small amount. We had a PS3 there at the house so later that night we popped it in and did a 1v1 match. What follows would be one of the most awful gaming moments of my entire career.

 

Right from the start I was losing, and losing terribly. Kira was circling laps around me while doing sick tricks, and I was in the dirt struggling with the controls, limited view due to split screen, and to top it off dirty muddy graphics. "This is bullshit!", I remember yelling as Kira kept laughing and taunting me. After she finished the race, I decided to do only what would only come naturally to a man who has just been embarrassed by a woman - act like a HUGE BITCH. I started going backwards, going slowly, anything to delay the end of the race from happening. You see, I soon found out that Freekstyle does not end their races when one wins. No, it waits for EVERYONE to finish. While a nice gesture, it wasn't exactly the most thoughtful design choice, as my tantrum would soon expose. "C'mon man, you're no fun!" I remember hearing. But it was too late, I was simply too mad over my humiliating loss, and there was no going back.

 

While I was in the middle of my awful tirade, Kira received a phone call and went to go take it. After 5 more minutes of me going backwards and refusing to finish, I noticed she was not coming back. I decided to turn off Freekstyle and never play it again. It currently resides at my parents house under a pile of other forgettable PS2 games.

 

About a year after we played Freekstyle I took Kira out on a date to get some Chinese food and when we got back we cuddled in a hammock that she had put together for about ten minutes or so. Nothing happened.

 

Anyways enjoy the ass shaking theme song

And some gameplay


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