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Embarrassing Moments of your life that Haunt you to this day.


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#106 slu973

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 09:02 AM

Here's another one.

 

This is my aunt's wedding back when I was probably 15 years old.  Big event, tons of family, filled an entire event/ballroom.  Here comes the catch-the-bouquet and catch-the-garter belt part of the festivities.  Bouquet is caught by a random short haired woman in her 50s.  This will be important later in the story.

 

Now for the garter.  "All the single men, come on up!"  Which, by definition, includes skinny fucking nerd 15 year old Slu.  

Groom throws the garter... it drops to the floor about 10 feet in front of the line of men.  No one moves an inch.  I decide to be nice and pick it up and hand it to my uncle-to-be to throw again.  The DJ of this event, who I am convinced now was either drunk, stupid, or just a giant asshole, decides well hey you just touched the garter so now its yours.  Uh, ok fine.  

 

I get ready to go back to my table when this sadist DJ says OK!  Now we're going to do something fucked up!  Bouquet-catcher, you sit on this chair in the middle of the empty dance floor, and garter-catcher, you must put said garter belt on her!  HAHAHA!  Won't this be funny?!  

 

Christ.  

 

I look at my mom and dad, they shrug, I take the garter belt back up to the stage.  Now the thousand eyes staring at me are burning me, freaking me out, embarrassing me.  This nice lady in her 50s, (her name was either Joan or Dawn.  Let's call her Jawn.)  proceeds to sit on this chair in front of me, and lift her skirt up, exposing her pantyhosed leg all the way up to her hip.  Full panic mode ensues.  I didn't move at first.  15 year old brain has gone full hyperdrive at this point, well past ludicrous speed.  I got down on one knee... and put the garter belt on Jawn in about 0.04 seconds.  No doubt to avoid any unwanted boners.  I stood up to leave, DJ ButtFuck stops me.  "Uh, let's do that again a little slower..."   I mean.  Why.  Why are you doing this.  To me.  To Jawn.  I look at him, he gestures to Jawn, who has slipped the garter belt back off her leg and is handing it back to me.  Jawn is actually being a good sport for the most part, is able to laugh off a good portion of the humility.  I am not socially mature enough to accomplish that.  I take the garter belt, and again, with her pantyhosed leg in my hands, proceed to slide garter belt up Jawn's thigh.    So as to not do this a 3rd time, I did it slowly, to appease Satan the DJ.  

 

Some of you may be thinking what the living fuck.  Slu this is an awesome story how could you be haunted by that.  Well, it gets way better.

 

After I complete my forced, statutory-esque, confused, weird-yet-at-the-same-time-sexy task, I finally believe its over.  Nope.

 

DJ Fuckboy comes up with another whopper.  "Okay!  Wasn't that great.  NOW, let's do something else hysterical!  Bouquet-catcher,  YOU now get to put the garter belt onto the garter-catcher!   AHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA!!  OH MAN THIS IS THE GREATEST I'M GONNA CUUUUUUUM"

 

The room begins to go dim on me.

 

Well, it happened.  Of course it did.  I had no say in this.  DJ Torture Mindfuck has total control.  Defeated, I sit on the chair, and Jawn lifts up my pantleg, and puts the garter belt on me.  A thousand faces laughing.  I was so mortified I was shaking.  Knowing finally that he had won, he had dealt the damage he desired, DJ Antichrist let me go back to my seat.  I went into the bathroom and took the garter off my leg.  Rest of wedding reception went off uneventful.  

 

I've been to over a dozen weddings since, I have never seen anything like that.  I wonder to this day whatever happened to Jawn.  Or that DJ.  Maybe he trotted out his little Jiggsaw garter belt game of suffering to the wrong swinging dick, and got beaten to death in a parking lot somewhere.

 

I cant tell if this is a good story or not.  


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#107 nEwT

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 09:09 AM

I cant tell if this is a good story or not.


It made me smile. So, good story.
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#108 Czyszy

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 09:22 AM

When I was in kindergarten (age 5 or 6), I once destroyed other kids' plasticine works by smashing them with a doll, screaming something like "a giant baby's attacking". I thought it was funny. ;_; It wasn't. Then I got scolded. Geez... that's embarrassing.


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#109 Demonstray

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 09:45 AM

I wonder to this day whatever happened to [...] that DJ.

[...]

I cant tell if this is a good story or not.

You really don't know? All the signs were there: he went back to the deepest circle of Hell, from where he came.

And it was a great story.
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#110 M-H

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 11:28 AM

Slu, that story rules. I probably would have acted/felt the same way. I'm glad my wife and I decided against hiring some douchey DJ. 


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#111 Valence

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 03:09 PM

Yeah, that DJ was a total dick. I caught my sister's garter belt at her wedding and all I had to do was take a picture with the woman that caught the bouquet, which happened to be one of my sister's best friends. That's it. 


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#112 Ken Oh

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 06:03 PM

Gross, slu. That's a completely unenviable situation.


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#113 ErichWK

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 06:12 PM

Woof, Slu. That is a good story. Fuck that guy. So wait, I am a little confused. When you said "it happened" do you mean you got one of those embarrassing teenage puberty boners you can't stop?


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#114 Ken Oh

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Posted 17 May 2018 - 06:25 PM

Haha, yes, when I casually read this:
 

I'M GONNA CUUUUUUUM
 
Well, it happened.  Of course it did.


I had to re-read to make sure I wasn't reading a story about somebody cumming in front of everyone.
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#115 slu973

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Posted 18 May 2018 - 05:55 AM

Woof, Slu. That is a good story. Fuck that guy. So wait, I am a little confused. When you said "it happened" do you mean you got one of those embarrassing teenage puberty boners you can't stop?

 

Sadly, that would have been better.

 

no, "it happened" really just meant that a 50 year old woman put a garter belt on me in front of a room full of laughing people.


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#116 tibone

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Posted 18 May 2018 - 06:40 AM

guitar tone story.

 

Back in 1995, i wanted to sound like James Hetfield, because, well, i was young and stupid and i had been playing guitar on a acoustic for like.. 2 months.

My brother bought an electric guitar (a les paul copy) and an amp (a 10w solid state without any distortion), we plugged in and it DIDN'T sound like Hetfield, omg, why?

 

So, we went to the music store, and the guy said: you need a distortion pedal, it's what all the pros uses. So, we counted our coins and got a home a BOSS Hyper Metal.

We plugged it in, and now we sounded EXACTLY like Hetfield. (no, shutup, it was the exact tone, perfection).

 

So, fast forward some months, maybe a year? i was talking to a friend, and we got together to play. His father had a Marshall head (i think it was a JCM2000, maybe a JCM900?) and my friend wanted to play Metallica, but he plugged the guitar straight into the amp. Silly dude, you can't play distorted guitar without a pedal. So i proceed to school him about distortion pedals. He gave a dumb-fucked look and said: "this amp has built in distortion, it's what the pros use." to which i reply: "nice try, all the pros uses boss distortion pedals, amps don't have distortion, i tried at home".

 

Needless to say, he turned up the Marshall head and it gave a great tone. And i was.. embarrased. And that was the day i learned about amp distortion.

 

It still took me a long time to understand overdrives as boost, though. But that's another story.


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#117 Shoe

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Posted 18 May 2018 - 06:47 AM

If it makes you feel any better, I've seen the whole "garter belt put on and reverse garter belt" many times before. Usually at more religious weddings because it riles them the fuck up and is one of the few acceptable times they can be riled about vaguely sexual things. 

 

At one wedding, a 6 year old girl caught the bouquet, and a 17 year old dude got the garter. He turned completely beet red and awkwardly put it on her head like a tiara, which was about the best possible outcome for some poor soul forced into going through the ritual with a little girl. 


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#118 Paragon

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Posted 18 May 2018 - 09:42 PM

I had a similar experience to the whole "hey put the garter on this girl".  I can only assume they thought it would be fun for me to perform that kind of shit, whether in front of a big crowd or not.  I remember hearing "well that was over quick" afterward.

 

Since I'm talking about performing stuff, lemme post my thing I alluded to earlier: posts I made on the shizz, specifically about lesbians.  I got Feelings from lesbian romance stuff (e.g. yuri anime and manga) and without a decent way to interpret it or talk about it, I basically just assumed the worst interpretation (skeevy lesbian fetishism, as opposed to being a wemon who likes wemon) and sorta leaned into that in an attempt to "own" it, which included making jokey posts about how cool lesbian shit was, through the lens of "lol I'm a gross perv XD XD XD".

 

If this topic surfaced 3-5 years ago I'd have a million inconsequential posts (mostly drunk posts) I could reference, now it's basically just those, because now I realize that shit could have seriously made people (e.g. any hypothetical lesbians or other wlw) uncomfortable.  I now realize how alienating that could have been and regret my stunted way of dealing with my Weird Gender Feelings.  It's probably just another thing in the long list of bullshit we're all embarrassed about for no good reason, but whatever, it's cathartic to talk about it right???

 

*=--*=-*=-*FARTS*=--*=-*=-*

 

Also, how about that time I ate too many sugar-free Ice Breakers when I was working at the grocery store??  Oh, you think there's rotten eggs sitting around somewhere??  Nope sorry, just my sulfury sugar-free mint farts!!  LOL eat shit supervisors!!!


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