Here's another one.
This is my aunt's wedding back when I was probably 15 years old. Big event, tons of family, filled an entire event/ballroom. Here comes the catch-the-bouquet and catch-the-garter belt part of the festivities. Bouquet is caught by a random short haired woman in her 50s. This will be important later in the story.
Now for the garter. "All the single men, come on up!" Which, by definition, includes skinny fucking nerd 15 year old Slu.
Groom throws the garter... it drops to the floor about 10 feet in front of the line of men. No one moves an inch. I decide to be nice and pick it up and hand it to my uncle-to-be to throw again. The DJ of this event, who I am convinced now was either drunk, stupid, or just a giant asshole, decides well hey you just touched the garter so now its yours. Uh, ok fine.
I get ready to go back to my table when this sadist DJ says OK! Now we're going to do something fucked up! Bouquet-catcher, you sit on this chair in the middle of the empty dance floor, and garter-catcher, you must put said garter belt on her! HAHAHA! Won't this be funny?!
I look at my mom and dad, they shrug, I take the garter belt back up to the stage. Now the thousand eyes staring at me are burning me, freaking me out, embarrassing me. This nice lady in her 50s, (her name was either Joan or Dawn. Let's call her Jawn.) proceeds to sit on this chair in front of me, and lift her skirt up, exposing her pantyhosed leg all the way up to her hip. Full panic mode ensues. I didn't move at first. 15 year old brain has gone full hyperdrive at this point, well past ludicrous speed. I got down on one knee... and put the garter belt on Jawn in about 0.04 seconds. No doubt to avoid any unwanted boners. I stood up to leave, DJ ButtFuck stops me. "Uh, let's do that again a little slower..." I mean. Why. Why are you doing this. To me. To Jawn. I look at him, he gestures to Jawn, who has slipped the garter belt back off her leg and is handing it back to me. Jawn is actually being a good sport for the most part, is able to laugh off a good portion of the humility. I am not socially mature enough to accomplish that. I take the garter belt, and again, with her pantyhosed leg in my hands, proceed to slide garter belt up Jawn's thigh. So as to not do this a 3rd time, I did it slowly, to appease Satan the DJ.
Some of you may be thinking what the living fuck. Slu this is an awesome story how could you be haunted by that. Well, it gets way better.
After I complete my forced, statutory-esque, confused, weird-yet-at-the-same-time-sexy task, I finally believe its over. Nope.
DJ Fuckboy comes up with another whopper. "Okay! Wasn't that great. NOW, let's do something else hysterical! Bouquet-catcher, YOU now get to put the garter belt onto the garter-catcher! AHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA!! OH MAN THIS IS THE GREATEST I'M GONNA CUUUUUUUM"
The room begins to go dim on me.
Well, it happened. Of course it did. I had no say in this. DJ Torture Mindfuck has total control. Defeated, I sit on the chair, and Jawn lifts up my pantleg, and puts the garter belt on me. A thousand faces laughing. I was so mortified I was shaking. Knowing finally that he had won, he had dealt the damage he desired, DJ Antichrist let me go back to my seat. I went into the bathroom and took the garter off my leg. Rest of wedding reception went off uneventful.
I've been to over a dozen weddings since, I have never seen anything like that. I wonder to this day whatever happened to Jawn. Or that DJ. Maybe he trotted out his little Jiggsaw garter belt game of suffering to the wrong swinging dick, and got beaten to death in a parking lot somewhere.
I cant tell if this is a good story or not.