26676 replies to this topic

[DeathMask]

Deathmask - Shizz Reality Check Expert

I found this really funny.

[cetera]

chexpert



POST MORE GIRL MYSTERIES GUYS

i want to see if having sex affects cursed lemon's mixes

[spamtron]

DUNK YA

[toadette]

My gay friends wanna take me to a gay bar so I can meet straight girls. I was confounded at first, but it keeps getting explained to me as a winning situation. I'll report back once this has happened.

As a straight girl that has gone to gay clubs with friends, this situation has promise.




ALSO: heartbreakerthegrate....DISH!!!

[Demonstray]

Oh goodness. If I'm wrong in this situation, I don't want to be right.

Large (sort for Largaret) McTits has started texting me again recently and describing some weird shit. For example, she very directly cited me as a primary person with who she would fling. In the absence of her boyfriend. With who she has a child. This is the same chick who tried to fuck me when we were playing Super Mario Kart (which is not a good thing for me, given her personality and, admittedly, her body being unattractive to me), and deliberately missed the latest bus out of my neighborhood to stay overnight. (She admitted to all of this very directly.) Then I let her sleep in my bed with me because I have no problem sleeping beside friends, but I kept my back turned to her for aforementioned reasons.

She has also been writing inconsistently and sporadically for a series of books unrelated to each other, one of which is quite literally just a collection of descriptions of her greatest friends, and all of the important figures in her life. Here's a rough draft of what she wrote about me. Don't open the Spoiler unless you're desperate for the most contextually confusing shit ever written.

Spoiler

“Cory Harbak “

I met Cory when I was in grade eleven; he was in my Social Studies class.
Cory and I became close very fast; we shared a lot in common.
He became my best friend fairly quickly over the next few months.
I remember when I had started to develop feelings for Cory; I didn’t understand them.
I remember when I told Cory, it was like he knew exactly what I was feeling.
Though I didn’t understand my feelings towards cory, I found a way to express them to him.
I remember the first time we kissed each other; to tell you the truth I did feel something for him.
I started to think he felt something too.
I was unsure what went on his mind that night, I wasn’t sure if it was something he wanted or he did it to please me.
I remember when I fell asleep in his bed; I didn’t want sex, I just wanted to lay next to my best friend. And so we did.
I felt like our friendship had grown stronger.
I did feel something for him, whether or not he felt the same, I knew in a way he did care.
Cory never meant to break my heart , but I knew deep down it had to be done.
I didn’t hold anything against him, but I did feel a great loss when we had stopped talking.
It was like someone had just taken away my best friend.
I didn’t feel any anger towards cory, I knew it was to save our friendship
I think I fell for cory for one main reason; he treated me like a human not some puppet he could use for his own needs.
It makes me sick when people say “all men are pigs” if that’s the case, then why is it I was able to lay in his bed fast asleep and nothing happened.
Its simple he’s not like the rest, he may have been a coward in a way, but “pig” is not a term you could stick to him.
To this day, cory still remains very close to me and I’m proud to call him my best friend.

A lot of this is a bit nonsensical, and I'll let you figure that shit out for yourselves, I'm going to bed before this confuses me to the point of (further) insanity.

[cetera]

she writes like a highschooler!

but the basic premise is clear enough.

she wanted to date you.
you really smoothly blew her off
as a result of your genteel manner, you are elevated to the sweetest guy she has ever known. guys must be pretty rough up there, but you are sweet.
i also detected a struggle on her part when it came to coping with your rejection. i got the sense that it doesn't happen to her much, and it might have dealt her tit-inflated ego a small but stinging blow.

[arise_shine]

Is that a Taylor Swift song?

Seriously, wtf? She has SERIOUS boundary issues, and needs to be informed as such.

[TETSUOOOO!!!]

Coffee date was fun, but the girl isn't my type. Pursuing her no longer.

[Demonstray]

she writes like a highschooler!

but the basic premise is clear enough.

she wanted to date you.
you really smoothly blew her off
as a result of your genteel manner, you are elevated to the sweetest guy she has ever known. guys must be pretty rough up there, but you are sweet.
i also detected a struggle on her part when it came to coping with your rejection. i got the sense that it doesn't happen to her much, and it might have dealt her tit-inflated ego a small but stinging blow.

I can only blow people off one way: smoothly.
And yeah, I know the types she used to date were almost the same as the type she's dating now: macho, "only-nice-when-the-bros-aren't-around" kinda guys. I must be sweet if I had the impact that she claims I did.
I also dig your addition of "tit-inflated" in description of her ego. cetera-speak needs to be the only speak.

EDIT: Oh, and her addition of "he may have been a coward in a way". I think that's in reference to the fact that I let her throw herself at me to please herself for way too long before I got the balls to say "Alright I'm not actually interested, I think you're cool but this shit's gotta stop" in subtler terms. I knew that the longer I hesitated, the worse we would both feel about it, but I wasn't so down with rejecting her so quickly. I get that problem a lot.

[IBBIAZ]

I've been sort of seeing this girl for like two months. She calls me last night and is like "I'm at my friend's house. I just stepped outside because I wanted to talk to you and I miss you." And I'm like "You're at your friend's house. Hang out with your friend and friggin' just call me when you leave."

So like an hour later she texts me and is like "I gotta talk to you. I might cry. I'll call in a sec."

So she calls and I'm like "what's wrong?" She opens up with the whole being afraid of losing me thing. Then she's like "This friend I've been hanging out with is Dustin (her ex)," and how she doesn't know what to do. I'm like "Know what to do?"; "Yeah, Dustin wants to get back together." And I'm like "Well, this is the first I've heard about the situation, so I don't think I'm qualified to talk about this. Why don't you fucking inform me?"

She's like, "We're just hanging out."

I'm like, "I don't give a shit if you're hanging out with your ex boyfriend. I'm fucking pissed that you lied about it, but I don't care who you hang out with. It'd be a different story if you fucked him or something."

Her "...well, we had sex."

Me "I assume you mean recently?"

Her "A couple days ago."

Me "Well you can fuck right off," and I hang up the phone and throw it across the room.



Dustin calls me like an hour later. He's like "Look, I didn't know about you. You didn't know about me. Let's get everything out on the table." So we both explain everything about the relationships that we share with this mutual girl, and he's like "I wouldn't want to get with this girl if she's just going to want to go back to you."

I'm like, "You mean like the situation I'm going through right fucking now? You can have her, I want nothing to do with this girl anymore, but you're fucking dumb if you think you can trust this girl after tonight."

We agree that she's fucking stupid. Poor kid is probably still going to pursue her, though.




Anyway, I was super pissed last night. Now I'm super depressed. Getting cheated on fucking sucks. Fuck her.

I wrote her a song last night. I think she'll really like it:
http://tindeck.com/listen/hsie

But yeah, give me shizz hugs, please. :c

[cacomistle]

this reminds me of the intro to Saw VII

[MrBoglin]

I've been sort of seeing this girl for like two months. She calls me last night and is like "I'm at my friend's house. I just stepped outside because I wanted to talk to you and I miss you." And I'm like "You're at your friend's house. Hang out with your friend and friggin' just call me when you leave."

So like an hour later she texts me and is like "I gotta talk to you. I might cry. I'll call in a sec."

So she calls and I'm like "what's wrong?" She opens up with the whole being afraid of losing me thing. Then she's like "This friend I've been hanging out with is Dustin (her ex)," and how she doesn't know what to do. I'm like "Know what to do?"; "Yeah, Dustin wants to get back together." And I'm like "Well, this is the first I've heard about the situation, so I don't think I'm qualified to talk about this. Why don't you fucking inform me?"

She's like, "We're just hanging out."

I'm like, "I don't give a shit if you're hanging out with your ex boyfriend. I'm fucking pissed that you lied about it, but I don't care who you hang out with. It'd be a different story if you fucked him or something."

Her "...well, we had sex."

Me "I assume you mean recently?"

Her "A couple days ago."

Me "Well you can fuck right off," and I hang up the phone and throw it across the room.



Dustin calls me like an hour later. He's like "Look, I didn't know about you. You didn't know about me. Let's get everything out on the table." So we both explain everything about the relationships that we share with this mutual girl, and he's like "I wouldn't want to get with this girl if she's just going to want to go back to you."

I'm like, "You mean like the situation I'm going through right fucking now? You can have her, I want nothing to do with this girl anymore, but you're fucking dumb if you think you can trust this girl after tonight."

We agree that she's fucking stupid. Poor kid is probably still going to pursue her, though.




Anyway, I was super pissed last night. Now I'm super depressed. Getting cheated on fucking sucks. Fuck her.

I wrote her a song last night. I think she'll really like it:
http://tindeck.com/listen/hsie

But yeah, give me shizz hugs, please. :c

Well, you did the right thing. At times like this it's hard to do what is necessary: think with your brain and not with your heart. Things are currently shitty but you'll look back and feel better about it.

[LuketheXjesse]

Aw man, sorry to hear about that, obnoxious. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

[cetera]

this reminds me of the intro to Saw VII

bahahahaha

[IBBIAZ]

She texted me today. I think it's the last conversation we're going to have.

Her "I still really want to see you. He told me you didn't want to have anything to do with me. I need to know what you want, what your thoughts are, if you need time, if you still want to be friends, or if you want me gone. I want to apologize for the heartache and mess that I've caused. I'm truly very sorry I put you through this."

Me "I don't want anything to do with you. You always asked why I was so hard to trust and open up - You are the reason why."

Her "Do you want me gone?"

Me "Yes. I'm not going to stand for being treated the way you did to me."

Her " I want you to know that I still care about you a lot. I will still forever and always be here for you if you need to talk about anything ever. I know that when you're done, you're done. But I hope one day we could at least be friends again. I'm so sorry for hurting you Jon. I won't bother you anymore."

Me "Don't give me that parting sympathy crap when you know you're the last person in the world that deserves my trust. You can fuck right off with that. You don't deserve to even know me."



I think I might've been too easy on her.