3 replies to this topic

[Hooray For Everything]

Brodie, Who?

This perturbed peacock's got a chicken bone to pick with P-town scenesters: These gnarly nobodies, as much as The Bird might dig 'em personally, really get under this pterodactyl's plumage. What's the deal with these lame-o's announcing to the world when they turn 23 or whatever that they're leaving for Gotham or El Lay, and then throwing themselves a big-ass goodbye party?

By Big Bird's beak, just leave, already! What's with the big production? Half the time, these characters're back in town "visiting" in three months, throwing themselves yet another party, and announcing on MySpace that they've arrived. The way these twentysomething twerps act, you'd think they'd been polishing their stars on Hollywood Boulevard instead of working at American Apparel or The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Jeez, go make something of yourself, guys, then come back home. Don't return while you're still a loser.

Added to the roster of not-yet-greatness, along with such local luminaries as Austin Head, Johnny Noir, and the dear and lovely Tiffe Fermaint, is now Brodie Hubbard, an annoying, bearded bonehead whose claim to fame is playing his guitar while it lies flat on his lap (ooh, edgy), and penning plaintive emo ballads about broken relationships (boo-hoo-hoo). Seems Hubbard, rumored to be distant kin to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, is going west six hours to La-La Land under the guise of trying his hand at TV writing while shacking up with his girlfriend.

Since he'll be heading out soon, guess what? He threw himself a party at the Trunk Space, the "Fuck You, Brodie Hubbard Going Away Show/Celebrity Roast" on Saturday, December 16. Well, this rabid rooster'll give L. Ron Brodie points for originality. Ripping off the Friars Club is cool, even if you are a nebbishy Nimrod.

The shindig was hosted by Southern hick and Grand Avenue Live! "talk show host" Kevin Patterson, and featured 15 guest roasters slamming Hubbard. So many folks told tales about how they initially thought Hubbard was gay that the humiliation-a-thon had an air of a "coming out" party. Actually, considering how much Hubbard enjoyed the abuse, it was more like verbal bukkake, with Brodie as the target.

Sixty schmucks paid the $5-per-person cover. Trunk Space and Hubbard split the proceeds 50/50, with Brodie shelling out some dough to the bands that performed following the roast. Musical acts included Alexis + Carissa, Andrew Jackson Jihad, and Brodie Hubbard himself, natch. Sure, he's a dweeb, but he's an egomaniacal dweeb. Hence Brodie's Wikipedia entry, purportedly written by the man himself.

From the podium, roaster Tommy Cannon from PHX puppet troupe Elastic Theater ripped, "I used to think that acoustic, painful, emo music was bad to listen to. After hearing Brodie perform, now I know that acoustic, painful, emo music is bad to listen to."

Pete Petrisko, who dressed in character as Sku "T-Bone" Hadley, the perverted Mister Rogers-esque personality in Uncle Sku's "Don't call our show a Playhouse" Clubhouse, announced, "I will dance a little dance on your grave." Then he sprang onto Brodie's lap and sang "The Wind Beneath My Wings" — worse than a friggin' Bette Midler medley.

Co-owner of Trunk Space JRC quipped, "We were going to have the roast next door at Bikini Lounge, but they wanted to make money tonight."

DJ/drummer Shane Kennedy was the eve's most brutal roastologist. His Brodified zingers included such keepers as, "He's like a tow truck because at the end of the night, he's always dragging something big home," and, when Brodie took the mic to speak at the end of the roast, "If you want to be funny, just pick up a guitar."

Here's some advice, Brodie: Take that scratch you earned, hightail it to El Lay, and don't come back 'til you do something with your life, ya hear? Otherwise, The Bird's gonna treat you like a marble statue and poopify your lackadaisical butt.

[jeremy_arp]

Wait a second... Robert Pela didn't like something in Phoenix? Wha??

[Mary]

'Cept The Bird is whispering in a different ear these days, not Pela's.

[jeremy_arp]

'Cept The Bird is whispering in a different ear these days, not Pela's.

My bad... but he still sucks. And 'The Bird' columns are always lame.