15 replies to this topic

[degrae]

My best friend in high school was a Don Clem. He just died this year in Copenhagen Denmark, I was asked to appear and speak at his funeral. He was actually a great teacher to me, and he died of a negative attitude, a heart problem, and a fierce connection to a failed love affair. He drank from am to pm, he might have died as a bum, he was absolutely the most intelligent person in our high school. He died at 38. He was in Denmark because of their politics, yet he lived ike a hobo. He was a virtuoso guitar player, and better a painter you have never met. His major was electrical engineering and he never worked a day in it. He married a girl on a dual citizenship deal and he thought she would fall in love. She didn't and he wrecked himself with it. He was my big brother by one year. He could play any song note for note, he could have been a popular kid but chose to paint squares of streets for tips. I know he died because he panicked himself to the point that his heart failed him. He was brave and resilient, his perception and his optimism had worn thin by occurence after occurence, he thought no one was on his side and he proved it.
I know that if you read this far you know some people that had to throw in the towel. I have felt like it, I want to see a full play for every one of you I know. I think my friend quit a couple years before he died. I couldn't type this anywhere but here.

[aaronburke]

i would write more, but i can't.

[Folofo]

Sorry about your friend. Sounds like you truly appreciated him. Cheers to his full life...Mike

[Mary]

Sorry to hear that, d. I think a lot of us know the hurt of a loved one not being able to move on and take care of themselves like we wish they would. And we know what it's like to hurt someone that way, too.

Now you have me thinking. Mr. Mary has a friend (since kindergarten) who's always been a pleasure to spend time with, but he was hung up for a lifetime on this one woman he'd never have, and has been attached to the same thankless job for a long time, too, because I think he just felt kind of stagnant and lost in time (he's very smart and good at what he does, and funny and nice and a real gentleman -- one of those people you respect even if, say, your politics are really different).

But a few years back he took his doctor's advice to quit smoking and attend to his fat intake, and a couple of years later his mom died, and then he helped plan his 30th HS reunion, and he reconnected with a former classmate, and he and that lady are still together. I think he's met these midlife challenges quite well.

When I'm in support group or something, I often tell people that life can change for the better in big ways in your 30s, 40s, 50s, because I see it happen. So this keeps me curious. Although it's genuinely sad that your friend (and his friends) didn't get to see that happen for him, I am relieved that the part of his life that was suffering has ended.

[donald]

I moved into a new town when I was 19, I was just out of high school and didn't know anyone at all. I started working at Dairy Queen and befriended one of the other cooks there. He was a great guy, he lost his father at a young age and recieved a good sum of money from his will. He spent a little on himself of course, but he bought his mom who was struggling on her own a house and helped support her while he lived in a small apartment. He was always trying to figure out new ways to make money, not really for himself but for other people who he thought needed it more then him, one time he had me walk around with him going door to door to sell avon. He was the first person ever to get my to try pot, and that was the same day I learned to appreciate The Beatles.
He was dating this girl for awhile who had a young boy, he dug the kid so much that when there relationship started to go south, he tried to keep it going just so he could hangout with the kid and raise it properly.
When I had issues, he was the dude that always had a plan to resolve it, and seemed to be much older and wiser then his age.
We all had heard him say that he would never live to be 20, so I guess deep inside he was trying to make the most of it as he could by helping others out like his mom, me, his ex girlfriends boy and plenty of others. I worked with him one morning and I remember joking around with him all day and just having a great time. His shift ended 2 hours before mine. I got out of work and was taking Mike Montoya to school whenI saw one of my other friends drive past me waving me to go back to work. I took Montoya to school and went back to work to find out what was going on and found out my good friend Rhett Hancock had been struck by lightening outside of a shopping center. His funeral was 1 week before his 20th birthday.

I am sorry to hear about your friend Troy, it's always a loss when someone passes.

[unluckycharm]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Condolences.

[eraser]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

[ladydemon]

sorry degrae. my thoughts are truly with you. and D.O.nald the few last great funny hours with Rhett were such a gift.
you both honor your love for them every day.

i can't possibly write any more.

so sad.

[Jacki O.]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss d.
What you wrote about him is both sad and beautiful.

Rhett's story is also sad

It's nice that you both are sharing stories about special people in your lives and keeping their memory alive.

[chadk]

sorry to hear this d. i can relate and my thoughts are with you.

[WorkingClassWhore]

I am very sorry for your loss.

And I want to thank you for sharing that, about someone who touched you so powerfully.
So often, we are so deep in our own despair, that we forget the gifts that other people bring to our lives, and how we may touch and inspire those close to us.

[TETSUOOOO!!!]

My best friend in high school was named Lee Winjum and he was one of the most beautiful people I've met to this day. He was always full of high spirits, always determined to cheer up those who were down and defended those who needed defending. His energy was unwavering and never denied. He was manically depressed, and I was unable to read into his symptoms because he was very successful with bottling up his thoughts. At times he showed them, but I didn't interpret them pertinent to any sort of serious depression (it didn't help that I was distracted by my own despair and anguish during my high school years).

In March of 2002, Lee Winjum committed suicide. His network of friends reflexively grew closer afterward, embracing eachother more than ever. All of us became more open about our emotions, our thoughts, ourselves. Upon looking back on it all, I'm realizing that I'm starting to forget the lessons that I learned. I've entered a deep state of self-loathing and embitterment, and it's eating me and my relationships away.

Through Lee's suicide much was learned, but how I wish we could have learned the same lesson without the cost of his life. He is missed tremendously. We had plans for after high school; we played music; we goofed around all of the time in high school, which resulted in me failing auto class, but it was worth it!

My condolences to the loss of your best friend, d, and to your close friend Donald. And thanks for sharing your stories with me. It helped me put things into perspective about my life, and I hope it does the same for others.

[miss-jenny]

I'm astonished at the response to this thread. I never thought that you guys would read it, actuallly. Your all smart and deep, but it's morbid to know that the people you count on seeing some more of, might not have any more. I know so many of you guys, I never thought I would live past 25, It's just that now I'm 39, and every time I see a soul I enjoy, I wonder, am I helping them, or draining their time? I couldn't stand knowing more people like my best friend. He was sure the end was near and he made it happen, he was very skillfull like that. There is more to life than what we look forward to, there are other amusements and gifts that we give to others just by being present. The lesson I learned from my best friend, was to get outside of myself, and stay there.

Degrae.

[azwestdevil72]

Degrae, I am very sorry to hear about your friend. I know how devastating the loss of a friend, especially a very close one is, and I have an idea how you must feel right now. My sincere condolences.

Many years ago, I lost my best friend to an auto accident, and he was only 25 at the time. It absolutely crushed me, and took me a long time to get over. We attended high school together, and we stayed very good friends even after high school. For some reason that I still can't fathom, he befriended me. He truly was like a big brother to me, as I was an unpopular, dorky loner all though high school. We all need our heroes. Someone we can look up to, and I count myself blessed to have had my friend to look up to. He was a kind and gentle soul, a student of history, and a true musician. Even to this day, it sometimes makes me sad, because he was one of the best guitarists I have ever had the pleasure of knowing (he had played since he was 10), and I often wonder how much better he would have been, had he lived. But, despite that, I still count myself very fortunate to have known my friend.

Edit:

I feel like an ass, because I just noticed the date of the original post. However, everything I wrote still holds true!