17 replies to this topic

[sonofpatter]

For tonight’s grand ave live I need a science related joke. I am supposed to do the “month in science news’ but the joke I had originally written for last month is out of date now. Science moves fast!

So any joke suggestions about a recent scientific event?



Info about tonight's show.....
Grand Ave Live’s first show of the brand new decade is"The Future of Downtown Phoenix", with Michael Twenty-three from The Firehouse, Laci Lester from Fair Trade, and Kim Moody from The Alwun House (TBC), talking about what is coming for Phoenix in 2010 in events, projects and other themes of community interest, not to mention the announcements of up-coming shows and the like.

Our musical guest: Nerd Love, featuring known local improvisors that could share up-coming events from The Torch Theatre and PIF. Live commercials will be featuring Sapna Cafe.

Show´s at 8pm, at The Trunk Space, next to Bikini Lounge. Our house band: Anna Moncada on piano and Jack Cavanaugh on guitar.

[donald]

The sun is my favorite planet







We all know the Moon is made of cheese, but if it was made of barbecue spare ribs, would ya eat it then?

I know I sure would

[sonofpatter]

The sun is my favorite planet







We all know the Moon is made of cheese, but if it was made of barbecue spare ribs, would ya eat it then?

I know I sure would

that is the clear early contender.

[donald]

I can't take responsibility for that one, those are both Will Ferrell lines while impersonating Harrey Carey(spelling?)


but definitely some of my favorite lines

[Jacki O.]

Global Warming is a myth

[mikemfer]

A guy walks into a diner. A waitress comes over to his table and he says "I'll have the clam chowder." The waitress smiles and tilts her head to the side. She looks at him and says "You're pretty fucking stupid, aren't you." The guy says "Why do you say that? Is it because I ordered the clam chowder?" And the waitress says "No, it's because you believe in intelligent design."

I like it, it even has a female protagonist.

[lesl.]

In the BBCNews this morn:

"A report in the Royal Society's Biology Letters journal describes how a female cane toad inflates its body to prevent a male from mating with it."

There's your set up buddy...

[donald]

In the BBCNews this morn:

"A report in the Royal Society's Biology Letters journal describes how a female cane toad inflates its body to prevent a male from mating with it."

There's your set up buddy...

[weener]

This one isn't very timely, but it still makes me laugh:

Two atoms walk into a bar. They get a table and spend the evening together having a few drinks. After a few hours, they get up and leave the bar. As they are walking down the street, one of the atoms says, "We have to go back! I left one of my electrons in there." The other atom asks, "Are you sure?" The first one replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."

[weener]

Found a timely one!

A Large Hadron Collider walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve large hadron colliders in here."

The Large Hadron Collider says, "That's OK. I'm broke, anyway."

[Jacki O.]

This one isn't very timely, but it still makes me laugh:

Two atoms walk into a bar. They get a table and spend the evening together having a few drinks. After a few hours, they get up and leave the bar. As they are walking down the street, one of the atoms says, "We have to go back! I left one of my electrons in there." The other atom asks, "Are you sure?" The first one replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."

i like this one! it's cute!

[chadk]

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than
one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
Hell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell willincrease until all Hell breaks loose.

[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure
will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan during freshman year) that "it'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;
...... thus, Hell is exothermic.

copy and pasting from other sources........

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

[chadk]

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

[differently biotic]

hahahaah I like all of these! hahaha

[differently biotic]

Fe)male...male with iron
added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetism.


A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with the
Bunsen burner:
"Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.


Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American,
one is British. The British chemists asks the American chemist, "So what
do you do for research?" The American responds, "Oh, I work with arsoles."
The Brit responds, "Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also."


how do you tell the sex of chromosome?
pull down it's genes

How do you make a horemone?
Don't pay her.


A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, "Would
you like to sit at the bar?" The red cell answered, "No thanks, I'll just
circulate."