mantra

I met John a few months after moving to Tempe.  We had only a few mutual friends, but over the years, we became good friends.  Most of the time, I would stop by his house after class, and help him with Zane.  Not that he needed help, John was one of the best fathers I've ever known.  You only had to hear John speak of Zane to know how much he loved his son.  He was a remarkable father.  He was a remarkable friend as well.  I would've trusted him with my life, and known with certainty, it was in good hands.  I hadn't seen John in over 3 yrs.  I moved to Texas, got married, and was pregnant.  About 2 years ago he called me and said he had just moved back.  He was excited for me (being pregnant,) and he told me all about Marina.  For the first time in a long time, John sounded happy.  Really and truly happy.  To Marina, I would say that while I never met you, I thank you for giving John that happiness.  This is very hard for me.  While I hadn't spoken to John in 2 yrs, for some reason, last week, I had to talk to him.  I was excited to show him pictures of my daughter, and to hear about Zane and his new life.  I searched the internet, only to find his obituary and learn that I was 10 days too late to reconnect. I am stunned and in shock.  I feel like John wanted me to know about his death.  Yes, John struggled with his own problems, but who doesn't have demons in their closet?  We all do.  What matters is how you deal with them.  Do you let them make you a lesser person, or do you try to make yourself a better person despite it?  John was certainly a better person despite his problems.  I think if anything,it gave him more compassion towards others.  When I think about what John would want, I think he would want his family to know how much he loved them.  Sweet Zane, light of his life.  Marina, breathing in new life.  And his mother, who gave him life, and never gave up on him.  All his family, that he spoke of often and with praise. I know that I am a better person because of John and his friendship.  I think I will try to do a month of good deeds in his name.  Maybe plant some trees in honor of my dear friend, John.   - Heather Williamson (Canyon Lake, TX)