72 replies to this topic

[TaylorTrash]

So I havent been on here in a WHILE. Busy at work. Weird I know.

Also started seeing a new guy... and he has some red flags. I always look past red flags in the hopes that you know... he will prove me wrong?? So here are the red flags I am dealing with. What are some YOU are dealing with or have dealt with or looked past? Are you with someone now who had some red flags you thought you couldnt get over but now you're so happy together? Give me some hope people...

here they are:

1. Suspended license from DUI.... has to get one of those breathilizer thingies soon.
2. Lives at home and is 27
3. We had our first kiss at Bikini Lounge. He was pretty intoxicated.
4. Is a server/bartender (I didnt think this was a big deal but my mother apparently did... so i dont really know how i feel about it)


Are these things I can look past? He is REALLY sweet!
on the positive side he

1. Is super hot
2. Has a great jawline
3. Likes good music/movies
4. Is Hilarious
5. Calls me adorable
6. Loves animals

haha

YOUR TURN.

[MikeyWretch]

My wife when I met her age 18 had a huge red flag.

It said DO ME!

that was 9 years ago!

WHOOO!

[XMark]

I'd say #1 is the only serious one of the bunch. And if he's learned his lesson from that then it's all cool.

[TaylorTrash]

I'd say #1 is the only serious one of the bunch. And if he's learned his lesson from that then it's all cool.

Thank you Mark! He was SUPER embarrased about that one. I dont know how those work really but he even had to spend 15 days in jail so I am pretty sure he learned his lesson.... mkay i feel a little better.

[chalupacabra]

I'd say #1 is the only serious one of the bunch. And if he's learned his lesson from that then it's all cool.

I now know to never refer a lady your way.

A 27 year old bartender with a suspended license who lives at home? Sounds like a winner.

[raubhimself]

All 4 can kind of be tied together to make one even bigger red flag, but who knows. Looking from a 10,000ft. view it could be that he's immature, disregards responsibility, and has no ambition in life besides drinking and being around drunks.

But...

1. Could have learned his lesson big time.
2. There's so many reasons that this could be... Is he paying rent at home? Does he do work around the house? Does he chip in for food, etc...? There's a big difference between staying in mom's basement and complaining when she buys the wrong cereal for you, and actually contributing to the household.
3. Eh, this ain't too bad, but I dunno I'm not too into the whole PDA thing.
4. Some of these people work hard. Does he work hard? Is he working towards something else?

[MikeyWretch]

I say at least he works.

[Rial]

I lived at home til I was 24, my little sister moved out before I did.

Buuut. I was going to school, working two jobs to pay for it, and helping out moms at home.

Sounds more like a hook up than a person to date seriously, but I don't know. I listened to alot of Bob Seger today, so I am not be a good judge of things......wait I am.

[MikeyWretch]

I lived at home til I was 24, my little sister moved out before I did.

Buuut. I was going to school, working two jobs to pay for it, and helping out moms at home.

Sounds more like a hook up than a person to date seriously, but I don't know. I listened to alot of Bob Seger today, so I am not be a good judge of things......wait I am.

If I ever get outta here!

[Jacki O.]

honestly the DUI thing is not really a red flag to me. SO many people in AZ have DUIs now it's amazing. I guess it depends on the situation, was it his first DUI? Most people that get one these days are done for drinking and driving. My brother got one last year and now he's so anal about driving, he wont have one drink if he knows he's going to drive that night.

if it's like his 3rd extreme DUI then you might have a problem.

Really it's the living at home thing that raises a red flag with me.

Not that i have anything against it (again my brother had to move in back with my parents after he got his DUI) but is this something new? Did he have to do it so he could afford to pay his DUI stuff or has he never moved out?

It's hard, especially right now, to afford to live on your own if your job doesnt pay much or you just lost it or something but you want to date someone that is responsible with their finances. if he was responsible enough to realize he needed to move back home to get back on his feet, that's fine. that's responsible. if he's never been able to move out due to being irresponsible with his finances then that's a problem. he's just gonna transfer that shit on to you. You'll be his parents.

I'm not saying dude should be an investment pro or have tons of money. I am just saying that he should be responsible enough to take care of himself barring any crazy shit (losing job, DUI fines etc.)

the only reason being a bartender might be a red flag is if he has a drinking problem. Sometimes that's hard to discern initially, sometimes it's not.

[Tony]

do you suppose he's sitting with his friends having the same conversation about you?

"yeah man, she seems cool, but there's a couple of red flags... she just had her first drink of alcohol EVER a couple months ago and she solicits the opinions of random people on an internet message board."

[TaylorTrash]

do you suppose he's sitting with his friends having the same conversation about you?

"yeah man, she seems cool, but there's a couple of red flags... she just had her first drink of alcohol EVER a couple months ago and she solicits the opinions of random people on an internet message board."

HAHA he doesnt know about the message board guys! Its a secret!! And he apparently likes that I dont drink much.... so he says!

Well he moved back home because of the DUI, because his home is biking distance from his job. Before that he lived all over, Phoenix, Scottsdale, Mesa, etc. He has 2 years of college under his belt and wants to do something with animals...

I dont think he has a drinking problem... but then again I dont know him too well yet... i will let you know.

I always think I can help everyone.... like I can help people get refocused and be successful. Is that lame???

[WorkingClassWhore]

If it wasn't for red flags, I'd have no flags at all...

At this stage in a relationship, I'd just be concerned about how he treats you, and leave it at that.

And if you are trying build this thing into a long term committed future, then it sounds like you need to get more clear on what YOU WANT and NEED in a significant other FIRST before you try to decide if he meets that criteria.

If you're not in a hurry (and you probably souldn't be) then just enjoy your man and the experience, and try to minimize the possibility of inadvertantly taking on a long term commitment you didn't need (like herpes, or a kid, or a half of a mortgage.)

[TaylorTrash]

If it wasn't for red flags, I'd have no flags at all...

At this stage in a relationship, I'd just be concerned about how he treats you, and leave it at that.

And if you are trying build this thing into a long term committed future, then it sounds like you need to get more clear on what YOU WANT and NEED in a significant other FIRST before you try to decide if he meets that criteria.

If you're not in a hurry (and you probably souldn't be) then just enjoy your man and the experience, and try to minimize the possibility of inadvertantly taking on a long term commitment you didn't need (like herpes, or a kid, or a half of a mortgage.)

I really like this advice. Thank you! Pretty smart for a working class whore. I am not in a hurry (although my family thinks i should be) and i am definitely at that point in my life where i am just figuring things out... maybe a little late... but all I know is he is EXTREMELY nice and sweet to me and makes me all excited... so i think i will just calm down and see where it goes. Dating is so interesting!