mikemfer

When I get really fucked up, I forget how to get to the bathroom sometimes....Once I pissed in the trash can, not bad, and then once after that I nearly did the same thing till Jooles yelled to me that I wasn't in the bathroom yet. She really freaked when I opened the linen closet, till she guided me to the real bathroom...

This has happened to me as well. My first year here, I lived on ASU campus and I started in January. I went back to Virginia for the summer and stayed with my parents, didn't do much drinking. When I came back in August I was matched with a new roommate in the dorm I had never met. I came in like 5 days later than everyone because they were all doing orientation, etc. So I walked into my room, met my new roommate who had been wondering where I was for 5 days, and then a friend of mine from the previous semester came by looking for me. I took off with him, ended up going to a party with a keg and doing beer bongs. I had no tolerance and don't remember going back to my room.

The rest of this is what my roommate, who I had met for all of 5 minutes, told me the next day. I came in wasted and moved my still-packed bags onto the floor, and proceeded to sleep on my bare mattress. At some point I got up and was feeling the wall above his bed. it was roughly the spot where the door to the room at my parents' house would have been. I guess I didn't realize where I was. Eventually I found a shopping bag and started to pee in it. My roommate asked what the fuck I was doing and turned on the light, and then he told me where the bathroom was. Evidently I laughed and said, "Oh yeah." I left the slightly filled bag of pee on the floor. He left the light on thinking I'd clean it up. Instead I went directly back to my bed and passed out.

I never did get along with that guy, I think he was scared of me after that.

Last June I found myself with a lot of free time. I went through everything I owned and organized it. I got rid of everything I didn't use. Some went to goodwill, some went in the trash, some I gave away. I went through all my old papers and took in a 50 pound box of stuff in to be shredded. Anything I owned and wanted/needed that was in bad shape I replaced. I cleaned my place from top to bottom. I even went through years of stuff on my computer and organized that. I moved all my old VHS tapes that I wanted over to the computer and made DVDs of them (just shows and home videos, not movies). I got rid of all the VHS tapes and a bunch of DVDs I didn't want. I also bought these booklets for my CDs and trashed all the jewel cases... that saved a lot of space.

Now I've got plenty of room for my stuff and everything is organized. I could easily move in a day. I'm still the same idiot... but I haven't missed anything I got rid of!

A guy walks into a diner. A waitress comes over to his table and he says "I'll have the clam chowder." The waitress smiles and tilts her head to the side. She looks at him and says "You're pretty fucking stupid, aren't you." The guy says "Why do you say that? Is it because I ordered the clam chowder?" And the waitress says "No, it's because you believe in intelligent design."

I like it, it even has a female protagonist.

Well, I had some spare time...


2000
Bluetip: Polymer/Hot Fast Union
Faraquet: The View From This Tower
Most Secret Method: Get Lovely
NoMeansNo: One

2001
After Any Accident/Trois Pistoles split
Burning Airlines: Identikit
The Dismemberment Plan: Change
Fugazi: The Argument/Furniture
Houston: Head Like A Road Map
Propagandhi: Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes
Shiner: The Egg
Unwound: Leaves Turn Inside You
Victims Family: Apocalicious
Zero Down: With A Lifetime To Pay

2002
Dwarves: How To Win Friends and Influence People
Hanson Brothers: My Game
Hot Snakes: Suicide Invoice
Melvins: Hostile Ambient Takeover
Q and Not U: Different Damage
Traindodge: On a Lake of Dead Trees

2003
The Life And Times: The Flat End of the Earth
NOFX: The War On Errorism
Riddle Of Steel: Python

2004
After Any Accident: s/t
Hot Snakes: Audit in Progress
Removal: The Strong Silent Type
These Arms Are Snakes: Oxeneers or The Lion Sleeps When Its Antelope Go Home
Vandals: Hollywood Potato Chip

2005
Fatigo: Menso
The Letters Organize: Dead Rhythm Machine
Medications: Your Favorite People All In One Place
Riddle Of Steel: Got This Feelin’

2006
Channels: Waiting for the Next End of the World
Melvins: A Senile Animal
These Arms Are Snakes: Easter
Mastodon: Blood Mountain

2007
Big Business: Here Come The Waterworks
Unsane: Visqueen
The Fucking Champs: VI
Triclops!: Cafeteria Brutalia

2008
Chief Beef: Equilibrium
These Arms Are Snakes: Tail Swallower and Dove
Dropsonic: The Low Life
Report Suspicious Activity: Destroy All Evidence

2009
The Life and Times: Tragic Boogie
Isis: Wavering Radiant
NOFX: Coaster/Cokie The Clown
Slayer: World Painted Blood

Jacki O., just to be fair, I wasn't trying to paint you as that person. I don't even know you. But I'm glad I got several of them wrong.

Since I generally don't qualify for this, I am going to rewrite the survey as I am interpreting the questions:

1)Please assure me that you're attractive. Or at least, not disgusting.
2)Do you have enough money that you're not going to be borrowing it from me? If so, can I borrow some money?
3)How much will I hate going to your house?
4)You do have a house, right?
5)You're not going to embarrass me when you dance, are you?
6)I require a lot of oral sex and I don't want to hear any complaints. Not even when I don't shower.
7)Are you aware there was a presidential election recently?
8)If so, did you vote for George Bush?
9)Will I have to put up with shitty music if you're around? How shitty?
10)Will I have to sit through any Jerry Bruckheimer movies?
11)Did you finish at least 6th grade?
12)Are you witty and creative? If so, can you accept that I will be wearing the pants in this relationship, so to speak?
13)Do your parents hate you? Will I have to listen to you whine about it?
14)Are you shallow and superficial?
15)Are you a nerd?
16)Are you so unable to understand women that none of them will even be your friend?
17)what kind of porn do I like to watch?
18)Are you going to leave me for a guy?
19)If not, are you homophobic?
20)Are you going to fuck me over?
21)How fucked up were your last several breakups?
22)Do you stink?
23)I don't like to shave. Stop here if that's a problem.
24)Have you contemplated your life at least a few months into the future?
25)Do you give a shit about anyone except yourself?
26)Do you expect me to cook for you?
27)Do you prefer ditzy blondes or smart brunettes?
28)Would you rather be with a mind-numbingly stupid, narcissistic woman just to get out of fucking someone who's pretty old?
29)Are you an alcoholic?
30) If so, can you still get it up when you drink?
31) Are you going to put up with my animals? Do I have to put up with yours?
32) I'm kind of a bitch when I'm on the rag, and I'm going to blame it on you. Be prepared.