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Potential Boyfriend Questionaire


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#1 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:04 AM

In a better effort to weed out doucebags, losers, cheaters, liars, thieves, abusers, Republicans, pretentious dickfaces, guys who won't go down on me, cowards, drummers, gay dudes, and crazies, i've devised a potential boyfriend questionaire that i think will help me identify assholes BEFORE i fuck them. It's a work in progress but here's what i have so far:

1)Please describe your butt
2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
5)Do you dance? Yes No
6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No
7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No
8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
13)Do you get along with your family?
14)Do you like fake breasts?
15)Do you play video games?
16)Do you have any female friends?
17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
18)Are you gay?
19)Are you maybe a little gay?
20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
22)Do you have a beard?
23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
25)Do you recycle?
26)Do you cook?
27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
29)please describe your drinking habits?
30) when drunk would you rather: a) fight with me/dudes in the bar/my ex-boyfriend or B.) fuck me
31) dogs or cats? or both?
32) what would do to help alleviate my pain on day 1 of my period?

any other good questions i should ask?

also any single dudes out there who would like to enter into consideration for the role of Jacki O.'s Boyfriend please feel free to fill out this survey. i will evaluate your responses using a sophisticated numerical system.
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#2 Tender Lad

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:18 AM

Drummers!?!?!?! :angry:
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#3 donald

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:25 AM

1)Please describe your butt
hairy

2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
yes, computers

3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
living with girlfriend

4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
no, but I can if I need to

5)Do you dance? Yes No
only if ants are in my pants

6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No
hot chicks yes, cold chicks no

7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No
yes

8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
yes

9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
metal, pop, most anything even jazz and classical

10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
fight club, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, anchorman, the hangover, mostly comedies

11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
linux server hacks, classic shell scripting, php and mysql, linux in a nutshell, time management for sys admins

12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
hook?

13)Do you get along with your family?
mostly

14)Do you like fake breasts?
I have never met a breast I didn't like.

15)Do you play video games?
yes

16)Do you have any female friends?
yes

17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
the kind with women in them.

18)Are you gay?
nope

19)Are you maybe a little gay?
I know how to match colors when I dress, is that a little gay?

20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
yes and I don't have any good excuse for that :(


21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
yes

22)Do you have a beard?
not curently

23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
indifference

24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
yes

25)Do you recycle?
yes

26)Do you cook?
yes

27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
I had a crush on amy back in the UCB days, and have never stopped.

28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
yes, yes but for two different reasons

I would grudge fuck Sarah and relish in the fact that my penis was in her mouth gargling on it.
Hilary because I would love to see what it was like to fuck the first female president.







I know I am not qualified to enter but I just LOVE filling out surveys!!!!!
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#4 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:26 AM

i have been fucked over by not 1 but 3 dudes who were drummers.

i am kinda over drummers :(


Edit: haha thanks Donald! you are funny :D
men cannot resist surveys.
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#5 TheoConfidor

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:50 AM

men cannot resist surveys.

I beg to differ!
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#6 Tender Lad

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 11:50 AM

Good thing I'm a guitar player. ;)

1)Please describe your butt
-Hairy and squeezable.
2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
-Yes, Audiovisual design.
3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
-Live in my own apartment.
4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
What Donald said.
5)Do you dance? Yes No
-Haven't in years so I would need teaching to not look like a putz.
6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes
-I enjoy going down on cool chicks.
7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? No
-No, I am still Canadian.
8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
-Sideways.
9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
-Metal, Jazz, Art-rock, folk, anything interesting really.
10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
-The seven Samurai, Dr. Stangelove, Hedwig and the angry inch.
11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
-Anything by Octavia Butler, Harlan Ellison, Kurt Vonnegut.
12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
-Dick in the ear.
13)Do you get along with your family?
-Yes.
14)Do you like fake breasts?
-Haven't had any experience with them. I'd at least give them a chance.
15)Do you play video games?
-Yes
16)Do you have any female friends?
-Yes
17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
-Old school.
18)Are you gay?
-Probably not.
19)Are you maybe a little gay?
-Probably not.
20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
-No.
21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
-Yes.
22)Do you have a beard?
-Sometimes.
23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
-I'm cool with that.
24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
-IRA
25)Do you recycle?
-Yes
26)Do you cook?
-I can when I want to.
27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
-Tina Fey.
28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
-Palin, as long as I could throw in a donkey-punch.

Wow, on paper I'm looking pretty sweet.
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#7 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:08 PM


men cannot resist surveys.

I beg to differ!


Really?

is it because:
1) you don't like to divulge personal information
2) you don't have the patience
3) you like being the one giving out the survey
4) vin fiz
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#8 jeremx

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:12 PM

i'm awful on paper.. it's the 5'6" that usually gets me the boot. and i'm not qualified because i'm seeing someone but, alas, you were right; i cannot resist a survey.

1)Please describe your butt
-i've been told it's the cutest one around.
2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
-yep. internet stuff and side promo stuff.
3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
-living with two roommates.
4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
-nope.
5)Do you dance? Yes No
-not professionally but i've been known to cut a rug.
6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No
-definitely
7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No
-yup
8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
-bleeding heart liberal
9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
-pop, indie, folk, jazz, bluegrass
10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
-almost famous, breakfast club, swingers, v for vendetta, garden state, other sappy and/or juvenile comedies.
11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
-i don't have much time to read but when i do i go klosterman
12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
well i know it's bicycle but i was hoping to be funnier..
13)Do you get along with your family?
-they're pretty cool. my mom an sisters rock.
14)Do you like fake breasts?
-depends on who's wearin'em. prefer the real.
15)Do you play video games?
-extremely rarely. unless it's goldeneye or rockband.
16)Do you have any female friends?
-a lot of'em
17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
-i like the answer that said the one with girls in it.
18)Are you gay?
-nope.
19)Are you maybe a little gay?
-nope.
20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
-nope.
21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
-we don't hang out but we're still "internet friends."
22)Do you have a beard?
-yep. even after the firepit fiasco at my holiday party.
23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
-not gonna lie.. not a fan.
24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
-401k through work.
25)Do you recycle?
-almost too much.
26)Do you cook?
-not often.
27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
-yes and yes.
28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
-no and yes. simple attraction.
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#9 MikeyWretch

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:22 PM

So like dudes that only play drums? or like dudes that even know how?

I mean I agree that drumers are dicks and crappy but I try and break down stereo types.
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#10 Rocquero

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:23 PM

Drummers!?!?!?! :angry:

dammit, jacki.
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#11 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:30 PM

i know. i hate saying it myself, i've always loved drummers. something bout hitting those skins.....

i said im kinda over drummers. I'm over the shitty ones, you have to be a good drummer to impress me now. :P
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#12 joe.distort

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:36 PM

im only qualified if youre into dudes with longterm girlfriends ;) . so anyways...shit you are right. i cant resist surveys.

1)Please describe your butt
SOFT
2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
I FIX YOUR MEDICAL BILLS AND FIGHT WITH MULTIBILLION DOLLAR CORPORATIONS TO KEEP THEM FROM SCREWING PEOPLE OVER
3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
RENT WITH THE LADY AND THREE PETS. its got a nice yard.
4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
NO
5)Do you dance?
BRING THE MOSH BRO
6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks?
VERY VERY MUCH
7)Did you vote in our last presidential election?
Yes, ALTHOUGH I NOW FEEL DUMB FOR FALLING FOR IT
8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
PRETTY FAR LEFT. OBAMA AINT SHIT!
9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
THINGS THAT END IN -CORE AND -VIOLENCE
10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
MADE, TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (the real one), WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER
11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
ANYTHING BY RAYMOND CHANDLER, JAMES ELLROY, blablablabla noir and nerdy shit
12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
CIGAR. THEY DONT NEED IT, BUT DAMN ITS NICE.
13)Do you get along with your family?
NOW THAT MY DAD IS DEAD, YES.
14)Do you like fake breasts?
I LIKE ALL BREASTS. well, almost.
15)Do you play video games?
HELL YES
16)Do you have any female friends?
NOT CLOSE FRIENDS ANYMORE, BUT I DO HAVE SOME
17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
BLOWJOB PORN, I ALSO LIKE PINUP GIRLS. SEE ALSO: SHIONNE COOPER, GIANNA MICHAELS
18)Are you gay?
EH
19)Are you maybe a little gay?
YES
20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
BEEN CHEATED ON TOO MANY TIMES TO DO THAT EVER...
21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
YES
22)Do you have a beard?
HELL YES
23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
WHICH BODY HAIR? SOME OK, SOME EH
24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
YES, BUT ITS NOT VERY ACTIVE
25)Do you recycle?
PAPER...NOT CANS OR BOTTLES THOUGH
26)Do you cook?
HELL YEAH!
27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
TINA FEY. MUCH HOTTER.
28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
SARAH PALIN, I WOULD LIKE TO DEFILE HER (hey, just bein honest)

you may also want to ask about things like childhood discipline...a lot of dudes that got in trouble for specific shit (like starting a bunch of fights and such) never really grow out of it. other answers ('i played sports, so i never got in trouble for things i did') may also be revealing.

pet inquiries may be good if thats something you are really into. also you should probably have a specific question in regards to Nickelback and/or ICP.
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#13 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:41 PM

thanks for that input. good advice.

also thanks to all of you with girlfriends that are taking this :angry: (except you TenderLad :wub: )

you are all cunt teases :P
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#14 joe.distort

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:43 PM

im only qualified if youre into dudes with longterm girlfriends


hey there :ph34r:
it was a serious disclaimer!
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#15 Jacki O.

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Posted 21 December 2009 - 12:48 PM


im only qualified if youre into dudes with longterm girlfriends


hey there :ph34r:
it was a serious disclaimer!


ok ok.

i am not into dudes with longtime girlfriends, dudes with serious girlfriends/wives/fiances, dudes who stalk and are obsessed with their ex-girlfriends, or dudes who are already "kinda dating" a girl but she "knows about" me and "doesn't care"
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