154 replies to this topic

[The Real Jeffrey Lebowski]

[mikemfer]

Since I generally don't qualify for this, I am going to rewrite the survey as I am interpreting the questions:

1)Please assure me that you're attractive. Or at least, not disgusting.
2)Do you have enough money that you're not going to be borrowing it from me? If so, can I borrow some money?
3)How much will I hate going to your house?
4)You do have a house, right?
5)You're not going to embarrass me when you dance, are you?
6)I require a lot of oral sex and I don't want to hear any complaints. Not even when I don't shower.
7)Are you aware there was a presidential election recently?
8)If so, did you vote for George Bush?
9)Will I have to put up with shitty music if you're around? How shitty?
10)Will I have to sit through any Jerry Bruckheimer movies?
11)Did you finish at least 6th grade?
12)Are you witty and creative? If so, can you accept that I will be wearing the pants in this relationship, so to speak?
13)Do your parents hate you? Will I have to listen to you whine about it?
14)Are you shallow and superficial?
15)Are you a nerd?
16)Are you so unable to understand women that none of them will even be your friend?
17)what kind of porn do I like to watch?
18)Are you going to leave me for a guy?
19)If not, are you homophobic?
20)Are you going to fuck me over?
21)How fucked up were your last several breakups?
22)Do you stink?
23)I don't like to shave. Stop here if that's a problem.
24)Have you contemplated your life at least a few months into the future?
25)Do you give a shit about anyone except yourself?
26)Do you expect me to cook for you?
27)Do you prefer ditzy blondes or smart brunettes?
28)Would you rather be with a mind-numbingly stupid, narcissistic woman just to get out of fucking someone who's pretty old?
29)Are you an alcoholic?
30) If so, can you still get it up when you drink?
31) Are you going to put up with my animals? Do I have to put up with yours?
32) I'm kind of a bitch when I'm on the rag, and I'm going to blame it on you. Be prepared.

[weener]

Wow. Spot-on, Mike!

[Jacki O.]

hahaha!

fine since this thread is nearing the end of it's life i will come clean.

these are pretty right on:

1)Please assure me that you're attractive. Or at least, not disgusting.
2)Do you have enough money that you're not going to be borrowing it from me? If so, can I borrow some money?
3)How much will I hate going to your house?
4)You do have a house, right?
7)Are you aware there was a presidential election recently?
8)If so, did you vote for George Bush?
11)Did you finish at least 6th grade?
14)Are you shallow and superficial?
15)Are you a nerd? - this is a trick questions bc i play video games a lot.
16)Are you so unable to understand women that none of them will even be your friend?
18)Are you going to leave me for a guy?
19)If not, are you homophobic?
20)Are you going to fuck me over?
21)How fucked up were your last several breakups?
23)I don't like to shave. Stop here if that's a problem. RIGHT ON TARGET
24)Have you contemplated your life at least a few months into the future?
25)Do you give a shit about anyone except yourself?
28)Would you rather be with a mind-numbingly stupid, narcissistic woman just to get out of fucking someone who's pretty old?
29)Are you an alcoholic?
31) Are you going to put up with my animals? Do I have to put up with yours?

these not so much:

5)You're not going to embarrass me when you dance, are you?
- I can't dance worth shit but i hate when people won't dance bc they can't. dancing is fun and if you refuse to do it you are a kill joy and i don't want your dick in my mouth

6)I require a lot of oral sex and I don't want to hear any complaints. Not even when I don't shower.
- i do require a lot of oral sex - it's the only way i can get off aside from vibrators or my fingers. I don't want to hear any complaints at all. zero. I enjoy giving you head and you enjoy giving me head - comprende? but i will always be clean

9)Will I have to put up with shitty music if you're around? How shitty?
10)Will I have to sit through any Jerry Bruckheimer movies?
- i dont care what music or movies you like, just that you like that kind of stuff and are not a bore or so pretentious that you only like obscure music and films that i've "probably never heard of"

12)Are you witty and creative? If so, can you accept that I will be wearing the pants in this relationship, so to speak?
-just wanted to see if you knew that old feminist line. creative answers are also accepted. We will both be wearing pants in our relationship - can you handle wearing only one leg and letting me wear the other?

13)Do your parents hate you? Will I have to listen to you whine about it?
- kinda, family is really important to me. if you dont like your family for no good reason than you probably wont like mine or one we have together.

17)what kind of porn do I like to watch?
- more like do you watch creepy/violent/child porn that is going to make me think you are creepy/violent/a child molester?

22)Do you stink?
- no way, i love beards. so manly!

26)Do you expect me to cook for you?
- i love food. i like to cook for others but i also like it when people cook for me.

27)Do you prefer ditzy blondes or smart brunettes?
- just wanted to see if you liked funny smart blondes or funny smart brunettes

30) If so, can you still get it up when you drink?
- please dont beat up me, dudes at bars, or my ex-boyfriends (even tho they deserve it) when you are drunk. Just fuck me.

32) I'm kind of a bitch when I'm on the rag, and I'm going to blame it on you. Be prepared.
- lame! i want to see how compassionate you are and understanding of women, who are in a lot of pain on the 1st day of their menses and just want to smoke weed and watch movies and cuddle.

[Kirby Pufocia]

Well let's give this the old college try.

1)Please describe your butt
Ample!

2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
I manage the Family Fun Center arcades (and a few other oddball locations) in the Harrisburg area.

3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
Yes. What I pay them monthly gets me a closet in the city, if I'm lucky.

4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
Nope!

5)Do you dance? Yes No
I'm dancing right now!

6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No
To the max!

7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No
Yarly.

8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
None, I come from an honest family.

9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
Prog, jazz, whatever video game music is, whatever Frank Zappa is, cheesy 80s pop, whatever genre musicals fall under

10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
Fight Club, Memento, The Big Lebowski, The Matrix, Phantom of the Opera, Caddyshack

11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
Harry Potter series, LotR series, Hitchhiker's Guide series, Nuklear Age, Nineteen Eighty-Four

12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
Blowjob.

13)Do you get along with your family?
Extremely.

14)Do you like fake breasts?
I like most breasts.

15)Do you play video games?
Very yes.

16)Do you have any female friends?
Many!

17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
Anything that makes me laugh.

18)Are you gay?
Probably not.

19)Are you maybe a little gay?
There are quite a few dudes that I think are hot, but I don't think I'd do anything with them.

20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
Nope!

21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
All of 'em!

22)Do you have a beard?
I have facial hair that sometimes resembles a beard.

23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
High-five!

24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
Nope, sounds like work.

25)Do you recycle?
Given the choice, sure.

26)Do you cook?
My experiments with food usually produce fairly edible results.

27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
Yes.

28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
Hilary, but just so I could get to Bill.

29)please describe your drinking habits?
Reserved, unless I'm out with friends, in which case: reckless.

30) when drunk would you rather: a) fight with me/dudes in the bar/my ex-boyfriend or B.) fuck me
I would greatly enjoy the rare chance to employ the secret art of fighting dudes while fucking you.

31) dogs or cats? or both?
ALL OF THE ABOVE

32) what would do to help alleviate my pain on day 1 of my period?
Fall on a knife in an attempt to one-up you. Laughter is the best medicine!

[mikemfer]

Jacki O., just to be fair, I wasn't trying to paint you as that person. I don't even know you. But I'm glad I got several of them wrong.

[Jacki O.]

30) when drunk would you rather: a) fight with me/dudes in the bar/my ex-boyfriend or B.) fuck me
I would greatly enjoy the rare chance to employ the secret art of fighting dudes while fucking you.

that's an awesome answer.

Jacki O., just to be fair, I wasn't trying to paint you as that person. I don't even know you. But I'm glad I got several of them wrong.

word. you did good kid. you did good.

but you still have to fill out the survey. everyone who posts in here has to.
shizz rules!

[mikemfer]

Also, I should have known: You don't like to shave and therefore would have liked beards. Honestly, I had meant to edit that one, but hit submit before reading back through. I was actually going to say:

Rate your personal hygiene on a scale from 1 to 10.

[Jacki O.]

Also, I should have known: You don't like to shave and therefore would have liked beards. Honestly, I had meant to edit that one, but hit submit before reading back through. I was actually going to say:

Rate your personal hygiene on a scale from 1 to 10.

i would have also accepted:

I like hairy men, are you hairy?

[Kirby Pufocia]

I know I am!

I trim down anything that gets out of hand, but shaving = noooooooooo

[mikemfer]

Fine, I will fill it out.

1)Please describe your butt: More cushion for the pushin'.

2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly): No, but I got laid off. I recently finished my Master's and I'm sure I will be working again soon.

3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.): No. I split a house with a friend of mine for now and will be buying a place when I get back to work.

4)Are you homeless/living in your car? Nope.

5)Do you dance? Yes No: A.) who's playing? B.) how drunk am I?

6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No: Sure, but cleanliness is a must. And reciprocation.

7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No: Yes

8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings: Socially liberal fiscally conservative independent

9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres: non-cheesy punk, non-cheesy metal, indie rock

10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies: Office space, Shawshank Redemption, Fight Club, dark comedies, things that don't end happily

11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now): Anything by Christopher Moore, Dean Koontz, John Grisham, The Hitchhiker's Gide to the Galaxy, shit I'll read the phone book if you put it in front of me.

12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”: Bicycle? But if you don't need a man than what's this survey about?

13)Do you get along with your family? Yep. I even love them.

14)Do you like fake breasts? No experience with the product, but I don't like the fake people who get them.

15)Do you play video games? All the time.

16)Do you have any female friends? Plenty.

17)what kind of porn do you like to watch? I hate fake porn.

18)Are you gay? No

19)Are you maybe a little gay? I'm not scared to hug my male friends. Or get humped by Donald or even softly caressed by DeLaCruz.

20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend? Never.

21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends? Almost all of 'em

22)Do you have a beard? I could, in a few days, but I hate that itchy stage. And plus, it's now brown, red, black, and gray.

23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out: I'm not into it. But hygiene is most important.

24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account? Yes

25)Do you recycle? Yes

26)Do you cook? Quite well

27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey? Tina Fey

28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why: Please describe my motivation for this scene.

29)please describe your drinking habits? I can throw 'em back. These days I try not to.

30) when drunk would you rather: a) fight with me/dudes in the bar/my ex-boyfriend or B.) fuck me: Um, probably just drink more. But I like a woman who instigates.

31) dogs or cats? or both? Depends on whether they're housebroken. If so, both are great.

32) what would do to help alleviate my pain on day 1 of my period? Whatever you needed. Just don't hit me again, please.

[The Other 49]

Also, I should have known: You don't like to shave and therefore would have liked beards. Honestly, I had meant to edit that one, but hit submit before reading back through. I was actually going to say:

Rate your personal hygiene on a scale from 1 to 10.

i would have also accepted:

I like hairy men, are you hairy?

Yes! Definitely in then!

[Rocquero]

ATTENTION JACKI:

I am at the airport... reading a book.

finish it and then you can finish my survey

Maaaaaaan.

Does it ever end?!

the book or my rules?

yes and yes.

[Naz]

This thread is hilarious. Let me give it a try.

1)Please describe your butt
Skinny butt
2)Do you have a job? If so please describe (briefly)
I do repair work for recording studios. I record my friends bands on the side.
3)Do you live with your parents? If not, please describe (briefly) your living situation (roommates, apartment/house, living with ex-girlfriend, etc.)
Super huge house. Live with 6 other dudes who all get laid more than I do. (aka, only guy without a girlfriend.)
4)Are you homeless/living in your car?
No, but I drive a motor scooter so it would probably make a pretty bad shelter.
5)Do you dance? Yes No
3 drink minimum to get on this ride, after that, I love to dance.
6)Do you enjoy going down on hot chicks? Yes No
Yep.

7)Did you vote in our last presidential election? Yes No
Yep.
8.)Please briefly describe your political leanings
I voted for the current guy.
9)Please briefly list some of your favorite musical genres
Most stuff that rocks, most stuff that has a good groove. If you're good at it, I will probably love it.
10)Please briefly list some of your favorite movies
Not particularly picky. I like the Coen bros, a lot of wood allen, stuff that's funny, stuff with explosions,
Just as long as I have someone to watch them all with.
11)Please briefly list some of your favorite books (if you do not read, you can stop taking this survey now)
I love HitchHiker's Guide, lots of Isaac Asimov, plenty of Science fiction I guess, but I'm a really fast reader so I'll take in pretty much anything that's handed to me.
12)Please fill in the blank: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a ____”
A memory more than 2 seconds long?

13)Do you get along with your family?
Yes, they are nice people.
14)Do you like fake breasts?
Always weird me out a bit. You let a guy cut you and put what inside of you?
15)Do you play video games?
Self described nerd. But not so much anymore. Still play some games, but only occasionally.
16)Do you have any female friends?
Plenty. Girls are always very insightful in ways guys are just plain dumb.
17)what kind of porn do you like to watch?
Prefer the kind that doesn't seem super fake. Anything that'll give me a good idea.
18)Are you gay?
No

19)Are you maybe a little gay?
Fine that guy over there is cute, but I don't want him hitting on me.
20)Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
No
21)Are you friends with any of your ex-girlfriends?
Always intend to be, but not friends with any of them now.
22)Do you have a beard?
I am rocking a beard right now, but I'm pretty ambivalent about it.
23)What are your feelings about women who let their body hair grow out
Not a bother.
24)Do you have a 401K or other retirement investment account?
I have some rainy day money.

25)Do you recycle?
Yes
26)Do you cook?
Lots of good recipes, don't like cooking for myself.
27)Who would you bang: Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?
I always though Tina Fey was funnier, plus I dig the glasses.
28)Who would you bang: Hilary Clinton or Sarah Palin, please describe why
Neither.
29)please describe your drinking habits?
Just weekends, then it depends on how good of a time I'm having. Everyone having fun = misplaced Saturday. Boring, lame, or people being shitty = early to bed.
30) when drunk would you rather: a) fight with me/dudes in the bar/my ex-boyfriend or B.) fuck me
Sexy ladies always win out over belligerent dudes.
31) dogs or cats? or both?
I like cats, but deathly allergic. Dogs are OK.
32) what would do to help alleviate my pain on day 1 of my period?
Ice Cream and back massages.