138 replies to this topic

[Hooray For Everything]

shut up

what are you gonna do about it?

[bobby]

Well, I will first draw your attention to the glasses seemingly suspended in
mid air on my face and while I have you mesmerized I will splash your crotch
with the can of TAB that I am holding inconspicuously in my left hand. People
with think you peed your pants after you walk away from our confrontation. But
before you do, I will fart in my right hand that is cupped behind my bottom and
with one swift move I will smother your eyes with my farty wind. ha.


I will not bring you flowers later in the day. ha.

[Hooray For Everything]

The worstpart will be that the splash of TAB cola will draw attention to the erection that I will have as result of deeply inhaling the sweet fragrant exhaust of your mangina...

[bobby]

Don't be gross.

[Hooray For Everything]

where is the line exactly?

[Big_Poppa]

While we are on the subject....

I was at a Footlocker with a friend and his girlfriend recently. While the girlfriend was trying on some overpriced shoes my buddy gets this look on his face. He takes a couple of steps backwards and releases a fart behind this sock rack (making that scrunchy wink face kind of like this..... ) It sounded like a couple of whales mating. Anyways, what he didn't notice, but to my immediate enjoyment/horror is the young kid in the referee shirt on a knee restocking the socks. Yep, face about 6-8 inches away from the release point. This kid stands up totally emotionless and walks to the back stock room. My buddy tries to apologize but the kid didn't even acknowledge him. Talk about an occupational hazard!

[mancopter]

While we are on the subject....

I was at a Footlocker with a friend and his girlfriend recently. While the girlfriend was trying on some overpriced shoes my buddy gets this look on his face. He takes a couple of steps backwards and releases a fart behind this sock rack (making that scrunchy wink face kind of like this..... ) It sounded like a couple of whales mating. Anyways, what he didn't notice, but to my immediate enjoyment/horror is the young kid in the referee shirt on a knee restocking the socks. Yep, face about 6-8 inches away from the release point. This kid stands up totally emotionless and walks to the back stock room. My buddy tries to apologize but the kid didn't even acknowledge him. Talk about an occupational hazard!

THAT. FUCKING. RULES.

[capthfc]

While we are on the subject....

I was at a Footlocker with a friend and his girlfriend recently. While the girlfriend was trying on some overpriced shoes my buddy gets this look on his face. He takes a couple of steps backwards and releases a fart behind this sock rack (making that scrunchy wink face kind of like this..... ) It sounded like a couple of whales mating. Anyways, what he didn't notice, but to my immediate enjoyment/horror is the young kid in the referee shirt on a knee restocking the socks. Yep, face about 6-8 inches away from the release point. This kid stands up totally emotionless and walks to the back stock room. My buddy tries to apologize but the kid didn't even acknowledge him. Talk about an occupational hazard!

that's awesome. i especially like mating whales comparison.

oh, and the part about the shoes. that killed me.

[mikemfer]

And Mike yet again uses "my buddy" as the propagator of an unfortunate incident and then proceeds to tell a story about himself from a third person perspective

[Big_Poppa]

Actually, this is the same friend that I was telling you guys about at the Modified Ultimate Show. When Ben was worried about people spilling Sparks in his living room, it reminded me....... For those of you that weren't there:

Same buddy, lets call him "FRANK", similar issue. A huge group of friends were camping on the beach in Mexico several years ago. One guy, "MARK" is passed out a little too late and is still sleeping in the sand. Frank decides to give Mark a wake up call. Frank will do this by pulling his pants down with the intention of farting near Marks face. I am about 10-15 yards away and try to discourage this but not enough to actually get up out of my beach chair to intervene. Well, Frank pulls down his drawers and begins his decent. Mark is slowly awaken by the commotion just as Frank loses his balance in the sand. Yep, Frank's naked ass gets planted on Marks face (enough that I see Marks nose bend to the side from the weight of Franks ass) just as Mark is waking up. Needless to say, Mark is not a big fan of Frank from that point on. Skip ahead about 6 months. Frank, me and a couple other friends are at Mark's apartment trying out some new tabacco pipes and accessories. Frank gets up in front of everyone and starts slurring, "Maaark, remember that time I was gonna fart in your face in Mexico but I lost my balance and I sat on your face....?" I suddenly get this premonition that something magical/tragic is about to happen. Frank decides that it would be funny to drop his pants with the intention of spreading his cheeks and farting for the group( At this point of the story I apologize to anyone that is offended, especially the ladies. See, most guys are still immature 11 year old boys at heart and mind. The guys that are offended are MARK or just trying to appear sensitive). Back to the story: Now remember, we are in Marks apartment during this part of the story. Well, when Frank intends to fart he actually sprays a shotgun-like blast, buckshot if you will, of, well, you guessed it.......poop. He SHARTED. Frank then ran to the bathroom saying he didn't feel well. Through the smoky haze of the room, I could not believe my bloodshot and slanted eyes when MARK took out the carpet cleaner and started cleaning up the mess like he had a bad puppy get a hold of some chocolate.

[Hooray For Everything]

Wow....Jesus....

um, mixed company?

[weener]

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(I may be a chick, but I think farting is HILARIOUS. I even do it frequently, and publicly!)

[mig50]

Actually, this is the same friend that I was telling you guys about at the Modified Ultimate Show. When Ben was worried about people spilling Sparks in his living room, it reminded me....... For those of you that weren't there:

oh my god...it's just as funny in print!

[Big_Poppa]

Thanks Mig, I thought you had enjoyed the story that night...I couldn't remember if Mike L heard it, there were a lot of distractions and interruptions in the parking lot that night.

[mikemfer]

Thanks Mig, I thought you had enjoyed the story that night...I couldn't remember if Mike L heard it, there were a lot of distractions and interruptions in the parking lot that night.

I remember it and it was even more hilarious live.

I swear Mike, you could do stand-up.