My friend's dad or grandpa used to cause trouble in the town square of old by eating lemons while the brass band was playing, causing the musicians who saw him to pucker and stumble. Old timey schemes were the shit.
In which you pretend lima beans are gnocchi. I've never cooked with lima beans but I love all beans and it turns out they were very tasty.
I gronked up big on following the instructions, such as I used dry beans which I soaked overnight instead of the canned ones. They expanded a LOT and I decided to use all of them to make a huge quantity of this to eat all week, but then realized they were still hard and that I should have cooked them before adding them to all the other stuff. But despite that, I think it probably turned out as intended, and I even added some spinach that I had left over from something else in an attempt to get more vegetables into my body.
I mean, he no longer wants me to refer to him as my "slam piece."
He hasn't complained about:
The Guy I'm Banging
The Gentleman Admirer (too many syllables)
I kinda get it, considering we've spent way, WAY, WAY more time talking on the phone/Zoom than we have spent in the same room. I'm just trying to let this be fun for me and pretend I'm hoeing around instead of just deciding on the first guy I called post-breakup like I secretly figured I would.
I've referred to him here as the old man almost always for years, I'd figure you guys would be used to it by now.
In other news, the slam piece DID ask me to stop calling him that, so I have to come up with new preferred nomenclature for him. He seems to be fine with "fuckboy" but that seems meaner and more dismissive than "slam piece" to me.
Yeah, honestly, the old man was always trying to make me watch TV shows from the 70s with him and I HATED it. I can see from Facebook that what he's doing now is watching some old show called Celebrity Bowling and that sounds so UNBEARABLY tedious that I'm extra glad I broke up with him so he can not hold back and watch whatever shit makes him happy without me complaining.