Rocquero

after looking at those live photos this is just really funny to me for some reason...

we're just people, under it all.



immortal people.




that have no problems with skinning babies alive.

quick, somebody photoshop donald into this:

behold, TRONALD!

i haven't been on a date in over 2 years.

my last relationship lasted for 6 years and was with a girl who is a dolphin trainer at sea world: orlando.

i hate sea world: orlando. (believe it or not, this is unrelated to the previous fact).

i used to have 20/20 vision until a pickup truck hit me in the face when i was 6. it also ripped off the inside of my right foot. my foot looks totally normal now. it grew back. i'm not a doctor; i don't claim to understand it.

when i was a kid, i was climbing a tree and looked down to see a 2 inch wide and 1 inch deep hole in my leg. i didn't feel it happen.

i got hit in the mouth with a scooter when i was 10. it knocked a couple teeth out.

when i was little i was drinking out of a ghostbusters glass. i had recently stopped using sippy-cups, so i would still bite the glass as i drank. i bit off a big piece of the glass and just swallowed it. i was fine.

when i was in high school, i got community service for vandalism. we were at another nearby school for a band competition and me and my friend, brad, took window screens and beat the hell out of each other with them. it was awesome. since they were the property of the school, it was deemed vandalism. i fought with my vice-principal for weeks, arguing that the screens were in the dumpster, so i didn't vandalize any valuable property. she was totally on my side. the best part is i was lying. we took them off the side of the building.

jacki and i are 64% compatible with my blank profile. i'm that good.

Women get a crapload of useless e-mail on there from guys who completely ignore the lady's profile and whether they match. Like in real life.

true story. i used to work with a guy that would send a form letter to pretty much every girl's profile. he would just fill in blanks to make it relevant to the girl.

also, i had to sign up when i was looking for jacki. check out my authentication word.

A few years back when I was living in Boston, I was on a date with this fella. We were walking to a bar and we walked over a grate in the sidewalk just as the T was going by. This lead to a discussion about sewers and what was really down there. I made a joke about how the only thing that lived down there was Master Splinter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I was met with a combination of a blank stare and a slight look horror. Needless to say, I blame the TMNT for the failed date.

blame that dude for sucking.

well hello, wonder years mom.

MY DAD'S NOT A PHONE.

EDIT: Hey Batman, is your dad a phone?

no, but the Joker took his mom's pearls...



AND THREW THEM ON THE GROUND!!!

historical sex acts are where it's at.

like the JFK, where you're having sex with a girl and when you climax, another dude blows it on the back of her head from an angle it would be impossible for you to hit.

the break his heart- Have sex with him and like make it regular tell him you are into him and want to be with him then like stop calling and never talk to him again! hahahahah YEah! YEAH!


Wait

a sweet variation is when she breaks up with you, but then has sex with your dad.

hah my kids were talking about twitter today so I searched them. One called the other a "fagget". not nice words!

not nice and spelled incorrectly.